Unforgettable | Yuzuru Hanyu

19. Questions

Yuzuru's question caught her completely by surprise. From the very first moment, it was hard for her to understand why he cared so much and now this question only seemed to raise even more questions.

Despite all of her doubts, Kana didn't feel like the whole thing was a big secret anyway. For that reason, she started slowly explaining her past years to this curious man while they both glided on the ice, his arms never truly leaving her body.

From the way she remembered waking up after everything had happened to how she lived in the past years, completely confused about who she truly was, Kana felt the need to somehow explain her struggles in a way that most people probably wouldn't understand.

Still, as each word left her, it was easy to tell that the man who asked was very interested in every single part of the story, listening attentively to every word and humming when he felt like she needed reassurance.

It was hard to know just how long had elapsed from the very first moment she started talking but it didn't matter much when they were both alone on the ice. Strangely enough, Kana felt comfortable and at ease around this man whom she barely knew.

So even if outside was getting dark and the coaches seemed to be long gone despite never saying a thing about it, she didn't feel any urgency to get out of the slippery surface.

"So you know, I don't have many hopes of remembering a single thing now." she eventually concluded. "It's been way too long."

If anything, looking at Yuzuru then only seemed to bring more doubts. He looked like he wanted to say something but was fighting with himself. 

"And you never wondered about who you used to be? Or the people in your life?"

The question was a bit weird when she did think about it but at the same time, Kana could excuse it with the curiosity to know the details behind her peculiar situation.

Kana could see how he wasn't judging her in the slightest but rather trying to understand.

"Back when it all happened, I tried to find everything I could but my family didn't open up that much. They did eventually tell me that the doctors said that I should remember everything by myself instead of them telling me so when it didn't come to me, I just started caring less and less."

She heard his almost silent hum.

"So you don't think there's others out there that miss you?"

"I always figured that if there was anyone, they would've said something already or look out for me eventually. It isn't as if I hid, you know?"

Kana felt his hold on her tighten when she finally confessed her thoughts on this one thing. The truth was that she didn't mind it a single bit.

"And would they know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would your friends know that you're hoping they'll come to you?"

His question caught her off-guard. The last thing Kana expected was to have so many questions from him about this. She didn't really mind it that much but it was still weird in her eyes that he seemed to interested in the topic.

"They probably know better than myself... right? They would be around without a doubt and if it was anyone in my life, I think I would at least try and establish contact. My family always told me that I wasn't one to go out much and I guess that's probably why I never had many friends here in Canada"

"When was the last time you went home?"

"Home? You mean my parents?"

"Japan."

It was only then that Yuzuru seemed to feel guilty about it as if he just said something that he shouldn't have. Kana was way too focused on the topic to even realize it with his hold on her waist.

"I don't know if I can even call Japan my home. As far as I know, I had been living around for a while and I haven't been there at all since the accident. Really, it's almost as if I never lived there."

"Hum."

He was completely silent, not saying a word about it besides the gentle hum. Kana really couldn't understand him at all. Still, she couldn't even begin to find the courage to ask him properly about it. 

"It's alright though, I found Stella and I guess I have skating now. I've met a lot of people in the past weeks and it's been exciting."

"I can't begin to imagine how hard it was for you, all of these years trying to figure out who you are."

"You know what's crazy?"

"What?"

"That there's a chance that the personality I built is nowhere near close to what it used to be. Maybe if i did have some people I used to hang out with, there's a chance that we wouldn't get along anymore"

Yuzuru finally took his arms from her body, leaving her to scowl at the absence of his warmth. She was quick to skate a bit around, trying her very best to ignore how much she enjoyed having him close.

When she finally gathered the courage to look at him again, it didn't take too long to realize that he was in deep thought. It didn't take too long until he spoke again, leaving her completely dumbfounded once again.

"I think you're probably still just the same old Kana. I'm sure that anyone who ever had the luck of crossing paths with you would love to always have you in their lives."