Unforgettable | Yuzuru Hanyu

34. Tired

Kana simply couldn't imagine it.

The gasp that left her from the moment Yuzuru uttered those words was quickly interpreted wrongly by the male skater.

"I just... I know it's wrong but I couldn't bear to go there and see your dead body for myself." He muttered with tears in his eyes.

Suddenly, Kana was plagued with the thought of how he had felt during all of that. She could only imagine the pain that this man had endured if even now after so long had passed and he knew that she was alive and in his arms, he still cried when thinking about it.

"Yuzu..."

"I'm so sorry, Kana. So so sorry."

How could she even allow him to apologize for something he had absolutely no control over? It was all too surreal to even consider and this man was even better than she could have ever imagined.

"Baka, stop it" she begged of him. "It's not your fault."

"But it is... If I had bothered to check for myself, I would have known."

"Shut up." She ordered, sick of the nonsense that left his mouth. "This isn't on you"

The truth was that his explanation was more than enough to make her understand a lot of the mysteries that always plagued her.

Kana had always considered how none of her past friends might have reached out. She had even considered not having friends but all at the same time, it was weird that only her Canadian family had reached out then. On top of it all, it also explained how no one from Figure skating had reached out either.

Everyone thought she was dead.

Still, as with everything in her life, this only seemed to bring more questions.

Why had they done this to her? Why had they told everyone that she was dead?

"They didn't even allow us to attend the funeral." He muttered after a bit more consideration, chuckling dryly. "I guess I know why now."

"I just can't understand the reasoning behind it all. So much unnecessary pain..."

Yuzuru seemed to remember something then.

"Oh... Your grandparents won't find this funny at all. They were pissed back then, threatening to bring lawyers into the matter. Your grandma told me a few years ago that they only stopped fighting because they knew it wouldn't bring your family back."

The sudden mention of her family, one she didn't remember in the slightest, was enough to bring tears to her.

"Are they... Are they alive?" She asked of him, almost too afraid to know the answer to that. Afraid she was way too late now. She wanted to reconnect with that side of the family.

He smiled then, reassuring her immediately.

"They are. You should visit them. Losing you, your parents and siblings... it wasn't easy on either of them"

"I want to. I just wish... I wish I remembered them."

A kiss on her forehead made her relax once again.

"You will."

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because you're remembering me."

"It's been years and all I remember is bits and pieces"

Yuzuru was silent for a while and she truly wondered everything that he was thinking at that moment. She seemed unable to read him at that time.

"Maybe I'm wrong but the fact that you're remembering now might not be a coincidence."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that until now, you haven't been connected to anything from your past besides me and you're remembering more and more as we interact. Maybe all you need is to be exposed to certain situations that will help you slowly regain all of those lost memories."

There was nothing more that she wanted besides remembering who she truly was and everything that made her like this.

If anything, having Yuzuru was more than good enough for a start. After all, he was making her slowly remember all of those incredible moments they had once shared.

Could he be right? Could her memories be back merely by giving herself the chance to be exposed to more and more common things from her past?

The reality was that even if she wasn't fully certain on whether this could work or not, she truly didn't have that much to lose. Kana knew she had to try and see if it was even remotely possible.

One thing was certain, she was now exhausted, both mentally and physically. They had been talking for hours in that bed, the night long settled in, and as much as it was confusing, she felt at home in his arms.

It was so easy to relax in his embrace and she now finally understood why. In a way, he was the closest thing she had to a home, the closest thing from her past.

She silently got closer to him, laying on his shoulder and cuddling even more into his body, not answering his suggestion with anything but a small hum.

"Kana?"

"Can we...Can we talk about it tomorrow?"

The small smile on his face was instant.

"You still want me to stay?"

The girl scoffed in reaction, pinching his waist teasingly, knowing that he was more than aware of what her actions meant.

"You know I do."

"Good, because I'm very comfortable right now. It would be a pity if you told me to leave."

She kind of wanted to be pissed at him and say something about his smart comments but there wasn't any energy left in her to do anything remotely close to that. All of the things she learned were already overwhelming and no one could blame her for being exhausted.

"You're lucky I'm too tired to answer your smart comments."

"Rest, my love. You will have all the time in the world to lecture me."

And just like that, she allowed tiredness to win over in the comfy space of his arms. Nothing would ever be the same.