Maddie

Chapter 2

!TW - Anxiety, Silent Panic Attack!

Nick's pov:
I'm sitting on the couch in the living room with a blanket over my knees. The birds' morning chirping can be heard through the windows. I also hear the sound of the coffee maker in the kitchen, which just makes me want to start this day even more. Today we are going to pick up Maddie, the little girl we have decided to give a temporary home to. Charlie and I have been talking about becoming foster parents for years now. We have gone through many courses, met with social workers and prepared our home. But now that the day is here, it suddenly feels much more real. We haven't met Maddie yet, and the uncertainty of how everything will turn out is making us both very nervous. But of course we are also very excited. I often try to imagine what Maddie will look like - her face, her voice. What will she think of us? Will she feel safe and loved with us?

Charlie, newly awake, comes walking towards the living room and interrupts all my thoughts. He is still sleepy and his black curly hair is disheveled, like a bird's nest. He stops in the doorway, rubs his eyes wearily. I know Charlie is not a morning person, so seeing him like this is not unusual. He drags himself over to the sofa and sits down next to me.

After some breakfast and the obligatory morning coffee, we are now on our way to the orphanage. Charlie sits quietly next to me in the passenger seat of the car. Outside, the trees along the road pass by, their orange leaves dancing in the wind. But despite the colorful nature, the tension and silence in the car is palpable. I know Charlie has been working on his anxiety for a long time now, but even so, some situations are still difficult. I take a quick look at Charlie - his face is tense and his breathing suddenly quickens. His hands move restlessly across his knees, his fingers drumming an irregular rhythm against the fabric of his black jeans, and after a while he starts scratching his, now almost fully healed, scars on his arm. It's a ritual I recognize well - something that helps him deal with his anxiety. I gently and softly place a hand on Charlie's knee, feeling his muscles tense like strings on a violin.

"It'll be fine" I say, trying to transfer some of my calmness to him through my touch. Charlie's face slowly turns towards me, and I see out of the corner of my eye how his eyes are filled with worry but also a spark of gratitude. His breathing starts to slow a bit, and I feel his body relax a little under my hand. Then we continue our journey through the colorful streets.

By the time we arrive, the sun has started to disappear and is covered by gray clouds. We park the car in the car park some distance from the orphanage, then we walk up the narrow gravel path that leads to the entrance. The gravel crunches beautifully under our shoes as we walk. I keep a tight grip on Charlie's left hand, as a reminder that we're doing this together. The sight of the big gloomy house sends a shiver through the body. The windows are dirty and the facade lacks paint. It's as if the house gives us a warning about the care that has been missing here.

There is a little girl sitting on the steps up towards the entrance. Her blonde hair is in two messy braids, and her clothes are very worn. Next to her is a small brown suitcase and in her arms she holds a one-eyed teddy bear. Just when we are only a few meters from the entrance, the front door opens with a squeak. A middle-aged man comes out on the stairs and grabs the girl's hand hastily. The man's look is bitter and he has a body language that says he is stressed. He leads the girl closer to us without looking us in the eyes.
"You must be Nick and Charlie. Here's Maddie," he says quickly before turning and walking back into the house, the door slamming shut behind him. Charlie and I quickly exchange shocked looks. There is one question in particular that is spinning in my head - How have these children really been treated here?
But the thought is quickly interrupted when I feel Charlie slowly let go of my hand. He then takes a step forward and squats in front of Maddie to get on her level. His movements are slow and careful.
"Hi Maddie, I'm Charlie," he says in a warm and calming voice. Maddie looks at him with big, uncertain eyes, and for a moment it feels like time stands still.