Maddie

Chapter 17

!TW - Anxiety, Panic Attack!

Nicks pov:
I'm standing in the school parking lot, waiting for Charlie. Children run playfully across the school yard and relieve my own tiredness. The day has been busy, full of phone calls with various social workers and meetings with adoption agencies. What we plan to do is so big, but right now there is no room for doubt.

On the way to the social worker, Charlie sits next to me in the passenger seat, and I quickly notice that he is quieter than usual. At first I try not to think too much about it, but when we get there and he still hasn't said anything on the whole ride, I know something is wrong. I take off my seat belt and ask if everything is okay with him. He doesn't answer, but instead I see his whole body begin to shake and his breathing quicken.
"Charlie?" I ask in a low voice. Sweat begins to form on his forehead and quickly mixes with the tears now streaming down his cheeks.
"Charlie... look at me" I say, still low but now with more determination. Slowly he turns his head and meets my gaze. Without saying anything, I start taking big, clear breaths and motion for him to do the same - which he manages to do after a few tries.

After a while he takes one last deep breath, and I see how he begins to gather himself again.
"Nick.. I'm scared" he whispers, and despite the tears I can see the worry in his eyes.
"I know, but it's okay to be scared. We can do this Charlie. We're doing this together, both for us and for Maddie" I say, placing a supportive hand on his thigh. He nods weakly back, and I see him struggling to keep his emotions and thoughts under control.

Together we get out of the car and enter through the large glass doors to the social office. We approach the receptionist who cheerfully greets us and shows with his hand that we can sit down in the waiting room. The room is large, and the plastic chairs we sit on is black and hard. I quickly notice Charlie's legs start to bounce up and down with nervousness, so I place my hand on his leg and give him an encouraging smile. He meets my gaze and tries to smile back, but I can clearly see how he is still nervous and worried.

After a few minutes of waiting, our social worker, Lilly, is walking towards us. She looks like she could be in her fifties - white hair in a bun and wearing a nice floral dress. In her hand she has a large folder full of papers. She gives us a lovely smile that makes both me and Charlie relax a bit.
"Do you feel ready?". I glance over at Charlie and grab his hand.
"We're ready" Charlie answers back with a shaky voice, but at the same time I also hear a determination in it.

We follow Lilly into a small, bright meeting room with a large table in the middle. On one wall there are large windows that let in the light of the afternoon sun. Lilly sits down on a chair at the table, and Charlie and I sit across from her. She opens the folder with the papers and starts sorting which ones are important to us now and which are not.
"This is a big step, but we all know what an amazing job you've done with Maddie so far," says Lilly happily. I feel my heart warm at her words, and a relief spreads through my body. It means a lot to be told that we are doing the right thing, and that we are on the right path towards the future we want.

Lilly introduces the important papers to us and tells us where and why we should sign. I start to sign, but notice that one of the papers stands out from all the others.
"This is the adoption application," Lilly explains and points to the deviant paper. I nod and continue to sign.
"Once all the paperwork is submitted, it will go through a process - then it's just a matter of time before everything is ready and you can be accepted," Lilly explains, giving me a warm smile. I nod before looking over at Charlie who is now carefully reading through all the papers instead. He is focused, and I can see the pen shaking in his trembling hand.

After signing all the papers, Charlie carefully puts the pen down on the table and sits quietly for a moment, almost as if he needs to convince himself that he's made the right choice.
"Is it all done now?" I ask uncertainty and cautiously, and Lilly gives me a firm nod in response.
"You have officially submitted your adoption application for Maddie. Now we just have to wait for an answer".