Maddie

Chapter 16

!TW - Anxiety!

Maddies pov:
The morning sun shines into the room through the curtains when I wake up, and for a brief moment everything feels still and almost normal. I lie in bed for a while while my thoughts begin to race. Yesterday feels like a dream, but I know it wasn't. I actually told Nick and Charlie everything. For the first time in a so long, I feel some sense of relief, but it's a relief mixed with fear and uncertainty. I know I have to go to school today, but the thought of going back there makes me really nervous. Even though I know Nick and Charlie would never let Mr. Smith go near me again, the fear of what he might do is still with me.

After a while, I get out of bed and put on some clothes. I try to ignore the anxiety in my body. I don't want Nick and Charlie to see how scared I am. They have already done so much for me, and I don't want to burden them anymore. So I decide to keep it all to myself instead.

As soon as I enter the kitchen, I notice that something is different. Nick and Charlie are talking quietly to each other at the table, and when I step in, the conversation stops. Their eyes turn to me, and I try to smile, but it feels stiff and fake.
"Good morning" Nick says, trying to sound normal, but I can see he's thinking about something else at the same time.
"Good morning," I mutter back, sitting down at the table next to Charlie. I take a bite of my breakfast. I feel my hands suddenly begin to tremble slightly. Nick and Charlie exchange glances, and I know they can sense that something is wrong.
"Maddie," Nick begins gently.
"is everything okay? You seem a little... down". I quickly shake my head.
"It's nothing," I say quickly, trying to sound convincing.
"I'm fine." But my voice trembles and reveals that I'm lying.

Charlie leans forward a little, and his gaze meets mine. There is a softness in his eyes, an understanding that I can't ignore. Everything we talked about yesterday comes back and suddenly it feels impossible to pretend everything is okay.
"I... I'm scared," I finally admit, my voice being weak.
"I don't want to go to school. I'm afraid of what might happen... and i'm afraid of Mr. Smith." Nick and Charlie exchange glances with each other again before they both look back at me.
"Maddie," Charlie says.
"I know all of this feels tough right now, and I understand that you're worried about going to school today. But you know what? I work at the school, so I'm there all day. If you want, I can check on you every now and then, just to make sure you're okay." I look up at him, surprised by the offer. There is something comforting in the thought that Charlie being there, close to me the whole day. A feeling of safety begins to spread in my chest. Just the thought of knowing he's there, ready to help when I need it, makes me feel a little less scared.
"Would you do it?" I ask in a small voice, and Charlie smiles warmly.
"Of course I would," he replies.
"I can stop by during breaks, and if you feel like you need to talk or just want some company, you can come to my office." I nod and feel the relief spread through my body now instead.
"I'd like that," I finally say.

–

Before the first lesson, I go to my locker. My books are in a mess and it's hard to find the right book for the lesson we're going to have.
"How are you doing?" says a voice just a few meters away. I look around and see Emma approaching me. I smile at her and give her a nod, not sure what else to answer. But she doesn't accept it and lets me talk to her.
"I.. I had a feeling this morning. A feeling I don't quite recognize," I begin to explain. Emma looks at me with wide eyes that say she's listening.
"Before, I was so scared of having to stay with Nick and Charlie forever, I thought they'd be like Mr. Smith. But this morning I felt.. safe. They have become my home.. and the thought of leaving this life.. It scares me." Emma doesn't say anything, she just pulls me into a warm, needed hug.