Maddie

Chapter 10

!TW - Anxiety!

Charlies pov:
As the darkness of the night begins to fall, Nick and I lie next to each other in the bed, silent. I lie on my back in bed, looking up at the ceiling, trying to relax. But the thought of Maddie wouldn't leave me alone. Among other things, there were many thoughts about what could have happened at school, and how we should be able to support her in everything that is going on within her. But the strongest thought has been there for a long time now, and it got stronger and bigger today. I close my eyes and see the little girl in front of me. The little girl who has somehow become a part of our lives, our everyday life. The fear of how Nick would react to these thought and suggestion is scary though, would he get angry? afraid? overwhelmed?

Nick turns around in bed, so he's facing me. Despite the darkness in the room, I can almost see his beautiful eyes looking at me out of the corner of my eye.
"Charlie?" he says. The voice is low and careful, almost as if he didn't want to break the comfortable silence between us.
"You've been very quiet this evening, is everything okay?". I'm trying to find the right words, but it's like the only right words for the topic can't be found.
"Yeah, I'm all good. Just tired" I mutter quickly, knowing Nick won't settle for that answer. A small sigh leaves Nick's mouth, and he moves closer to me so he can rest his head on my chest.
"You know you can talk to me, right?". His words are soft and kind, like an invitation, but at the same time I feel a strong avoidance. I know he only means well, that he just wants to help - he always does. But at the same time I'm too scared, too unsure of what might happen if I dare to tell him. Saying it out loud can change our entire future. Maddie's future.
"It's nothing, really" I try again, but my voice is thin and sharp, revealing that I'm lying. Nick continues to lie on my chest, quiet, and I can feel him waiting for me to open up. The silent call makes me take a shuddering breath and I feel my heart pounding hard in my chest.
"I've...actually thought of something...about Maddie" I whisper in an uncertain voice. The uncertainty of whether I should continue rises within me, it's a big thing to get out. Nick lifts his head and looks at me.
"What have you been thinking about?" he asks softly, and I immediately feel how his voice makes me feel a little calmer.

I close my eyes and think, trying to find the right words again.
"Today when I came home I saw something... I got a feeling. I saw my future family...". I take a break before continuing.
"I've been thinking... if we should have Maddie here... like forever." The words hang in the air, heavy and loaded with everything I've been holding back. The silence in the room is almost deafening, and it quickly hits me that I have just uncovered a secret that could change everything. I'm afraid of what he will say, how he will react. But Nick remains silent.

After a while, his hand slowly moves up to my face, and I feel him press his thumb over my cheek.
"Charlie.." Nick finally says, and I can clearly hear a mix of emotions in his voice - surprise, uncertainty, but also something soft and warm.
"I... I like Maddie a lot too. She has truly become a part of... us." I open my eyes and meet his gaze in the darkness.
"But we need to think this decision through carefully, so maybe we can talk more about this tomorrow?" he asks, looking at me. I nod and let my head rest on his chest this time. His hand runs through my black, curly hair.
"Thank you for telling me, we will solve this out together". His words wash over me like a wave of relief, but a part of me is still not entirely convinced. This journey will not be easy.

Just when I feel ready to let go of all the thoughts for the night and let sleep take over, we both hear a sudden, piercing scream break through the silence in the house. We both quickly sit up, turn on the night light and look at each other. It's like the world freezes for a moment and I feel my heart stop beating as I realize where the scream came from. Maddie.