Maddie

Chapter 15

!TW - Anxiety, PTSD!

Charlies pov:
As I stand in front of her door, I try to collect myself. With a shaky hand, I gently knock on the door. The little silence that follows feels longer than it really is, but finally I hear Maddie's little voice saying that I can come in. I open the door gently and I step into her room. The sight of her makes my heart break a little more. There she sits, in her little bed, with her teddy bear in her arms. Her eyes are red from crying and she only stares at the floor as I approach her with slow steps.

I carefully sit on the edge of her bed, still at a small distance from her.
"Nick told me.. what you told him," I begin carefully, my voice almost a whisper not to destroy the peace and quiet that exists in the room.
"I know how you feel." She reacts immediately. She quickly pulls her knees up to her chest, as if trying to protect herself from some unseen threat.
"You have no idea how I feel!" she says, and I hear both anger and fear in her voice. I take a deep breath, collect myself before I start to speak.
"Maddie, the truth is, I actually do know how you feel. I understand you more than you think," I say calmly, and feel my own hands begin to tremble a little. Her eyes slowly meet mine. Hers is full of skepticism, but at the same time I see her curiosity.
"What do you mean? How can you understand?"

I feel a heavy sense of sadness and old pain as I begin to tell her.
"When I was younger, I had a boyfriend. His name was Ben. Our relationship started well, but then one day everything changed. He started controlling me. Eventually he became violent, both physically and mentally." Maddie looks at me, her eyes wide and round, as if she's trying to understand how I, who had always been so strong in her eyes, could be treated like this.
"Did he hurt you?" she asks cautiously, almost as if she didn't dare to hear the answer. I nod slowly, and I feel my heart ache from all the memories.
"Yeah, he did hurt me" She falls silent. Her face is full of different emotions – sadness, anger, confusion.

I take a deep breath and continue, even though it hurts to talk about it.
"After I managed to leave him, I thought everything would be fine, that I could leave everything behind. But it wasn't that simple. I started having flashbacks - sudden, terrifying memories that I couldn't control. It was like reliving everything again." Maddie stares at me, and I see how she begins to connect my words with her own experiences.
"I'm having flashbacks too," she whispers. My heart breaks a little when I hear her say that. I want nothing more than to take all her pain away, but I know it's not that easy.
"I know how scary it is, Maddie. It feels like it will never stop hurting. But there are ways to deal with it. It will get better." She looks at me, almost desperate for an answer.
"How? How does it stop hurting?"

I feel her desperation, her need to understand and find her own solution.
"It takes time, and it's not always easy," I say honestly.
"For me, it started to get better when I started talking to people I trusted, and when I realized it wasn't my fault." I gently reach out and grab her little hand. She hesitates at first, but eventually lets me hold it.
"Maddie. You don't have to be afraid anymore. Nick and I are here for you, and we always will be." Tears begin to silently roll down her cheeks, but she does nothing to wipe them away, she just lets them be.

"Do you think I can be happy again?" she asks, and I can hear the little child in her who just wants to feel safe and loved. I smile through my own tears and nod.
"Yes, Maddie. I truly believe you can be happy again. Maybe not tomorrow, or in a week. But eventually." She lets go of my hand and instead crawls into my arms, seeking comfort. I hold her, feel her little body shaking from crying, but also from relief.
"Whenever you have flashbacks or even the slightest thought of anything - you can tell me, okay? We'll get through it together" I say and I feel her head nod against my chest.