Maddie

Chapter 5

!TW - Anxiety, PTSD!

Maddies pov:
After a while, my body and mind have calmed down completely. My hands are still shaking a little and my heart is beating fast - but everything feels under control anyway. Charlie and Nick exchange glances and nod at each other, as if they can read each other's thoughts. Charlie then turns his gaze to me, and when I look up I meet his big blue eyes that are filled with a kind of compassion.
"Maddie, would you like to take a bath yourself? We can wait in the living room in the meantime" he says in a soft voice. While I'm grateful for the suggestion, I'm also a little scared. It's like they can already read me like an open book and they know right away what my fear came from without me saying anything. I nod silently at Charlie's suggestion, and they both follow and show me the way to the bathroom.

I look around the inviting bathroom. It's a big contrast from the orphanage's small, dirty bathrooms with smelly toilets. In here it was something completely different. The walls have white tiles and there are plenty of soft, fluffy towels. There is also a scented candle that spreads a lovely scent of vanilla throughout the room. At the end of the room I see a large bathtub filled with hot water and bubbles. The sight of the bathtub makes me want to jump in right away. I double check so that the door to the room is locked before I start to take off my clothes. When the last garment falls to the floor, I quickly but carefully step into the tub. The warm water embraces me like a needed hug, and slowly I feel my nerves begin to relax more.

When the water in the tub finally starts to get colder, I take it as a sign that it's time to get up. My wet, bare feet meet the soft bathroom rug, and I wrap a large, warm towel around my small body. Then I wipe the whole body so that it is dry, before I turn to the bench where a new pajamas are laid out. It's a long-sleeved shirt with a pair of sweatpants, both in a nice pale pink color with little red hearts on them.

Then I open the bathroom door carefully. My little bare feet move across the floor as I walk towards my room. But just as I'm about to close my door behind me, I hear Nick and Charlie talking, and I can't help but eavesdrop. It's almost like I stop breathing because I don't want them to be able to hear me. The voices coming from the living room are muffled, and they both sound slightly worried as they speak.
".... and I saw myself in her. I remember how hard that time was for me" I hear Charlie say in a low, shaky voice. Nick says very nice words to reassure Charlie, and also assures him that the two of them will do whatever it takes to make me feel as good as possible.
"I've been thinking if maybe we should take her to the health center as well, just to check that everything is okay, physically?" Nick says thoughtfully. I'm freezing. I've heard that sentence before.
"Just as a checkup?" he continues and I hear Charlie agree and think that sounds like a good idea to do.
"I can call as early as tomorrow and see if they have any appointments," says Nick. I can hear a quiet, sigh coming from Charlie's mouth.
"I have to work tomorrow" he then says. I can imagine Nick smiling softly at Charlie.
"I'll take care of it, I'll make sure she feels safe." There's a long silence before they both start talking more casually to each other again, and that's when I decide to actually go into my room.

The combination of the warm blanket over me, and everything I've just heard, makes my eyes start to water. Fear begins to creep inside me, so I pull my teddy bear close to my body and hug it tightly. The bear's worn fabric against my cheek is the only sense of safety I have right now. Many different thoughts are spinning in my head; are they doing this because they care about me? Or do they just want to hurt me? and what did Charlie mean when he said he "saw himself in me?". There's something about all of this that makes me more afraid of who these guys really are.