Maddie

Chapter 8

!TW - Anxiety, PTSD, Panic Attack, Bullying!

Maddies pov:
The clock on the wall makes a monotonous, annoying sound and I realize it's only been 20 minutes since I sat my first step in this room. English classes are, so far, very boring and time is passing very slowly. So instead, I look out the window. There are many people outside, both students and teachers, both younger and older than me. They play, run around with smiles on their faces. But in the middle of it all, I see a face. A face I recognize. A face I don't want to see. Mr. Smiths face. There he stands, with his stern eyes. He's not looking at me, but I see how he's looking around - like he's looking for me. How does he know I'm here? What is he doing here? Does he want me back?

I quickly change my focus and try to listen to the teacher's voice, but it's like I can't hear her words. I feel the air in the room getting heavier and my hands begin to shake uncontrollably. The image of him, that he is here, scares me.
"Are you okay, Maddie?" Emma whispers worriedly next to me. Her voice feels like it's several feet away, and I quickly shake my head in response to her question. Not even in a second, Emma quickly stands up from her chair, takes a firm grip on my hand before she leads me out of the classroom. I feel everyone's eyes on us, but at the same time I don't care - there's something else going on in my head. I try to focus on Emma's voice and every step I take through the corridor is unsteady.

Finally, Emma and I are reaching the toilets, and she leads me into one of the available stalls. I sit down on the toilet lid. My breathing is still fast and the image of his face refuses to leave my mind. I suddenly feel Emma's hands grab mine, and her gaze is kind but determined.
"Okay Maddie, shall we try to take some deep breaths together?" she asks quietly, almost like a whisper. Together we take a few deep breaths and I quickly feel much calmer. But I still don't know why this is happening to me? And I still don't know what Mr.Smith is doing here. 

Suddenly the silence between us is broken by a squeaking sound. The door to the toilets opens and the sound of heels echoes in the room. I look up and see a girl standing behind Emma. Her long, flat, blonde hair falls far over her shoulders and she chews gum with her mouth open.
"So, who do we have here?" she says in a mocking voice, every word tinged with sarcasm. Her gaze screams with mischief as our eyes meet, as if she's enjoying my uncertainty. But I don't have time to answer or react to her question before Emma stands up, between me and the girl.
"You don't have to care, Heather" Emma says firmly and I can hear the anger in her voice. Heather crosses her arms over her chest.
"Defending your pathetic friend?". Her words are like punches in my stomach - maybe she's right, I'm just overreacting.
"Yes, actually i am" her voice is still firm and stubborn.
"So you can go and leave us alone". Heather snorts before turning and walking out of the toilet.

I manage to breathe out a big sigh of relief when it's just me and Emma together again. She looks at me with soft, kind eyes.
"Are you okay?" she asks. Unable to say anything, I nod at her and give her a small smile to say thank you. Emma is about to open her mouth to say something when she is interrupted by the school bell. It's like reality catches up with both of us, reminding us that the school day must go on as usual despite what has happened.
"We have to go to the next lesson" Emma says quickly but calmly and offers me her hand. I look at her outstretched hand, hesitating for a second before taking it. The hand is warm and the grip is firm. I take a deep breath and stand up, my legs still feeling a little shaky. Images and thoughts swirl in my head - both of him, Mr Smith, and Heather. But at the same time, I don't worry in the same way anymore - I feel safe with Emma.

We walk out of the toilet together, hand in hand. As we pass the mirrors before exiting the room, I take a quick look at my own face - red eyes and pale skin. Emma squeezes my hand lightly, and I respond with a small smile before we leave the toilets.