Maddie

Chapter 13

!TW - Anxiety, Panic Attack, Rape, Sexual Abuse!

Nick pov:
The house is quiet when I walk into the living room. Working from home has its pros and cons. Sometimes it can be nice, but today it's just been boring - I miss my little family. I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. The light from it lights up the room a little, and the sound from the program fills the previous silence.

Suddenly I hear the front door open and someone comes in, and closes the door behind them. I wait a moment before I hear quick footsteps through the house, and soon after I see Maddie running towards the living room. In her right hand she holds a piece of paper, and in her left hand she holds a pen.
"Can you help me? It's a survey form that all children have to answer every semester," she explains as she walks over to the couch where I'm sitting.
"The school wants to know how we feel and what we think about everything," she continues to explain. I can't ignore a sense of despondency and uncertainty within her, but I shake that feeling away quickly, smiling at her happily and offering her my help. I turn off the TV as Maddie climbs onto the couch next to me, but she's still keeping a little distance.

Everything is going fine at first, until we get to the question asking; "How do you feel most of the time?" and I see how Maddie hesitates for a second. She sits still for a moment before cautiously answering with a sad emoji. A weight settles over my heart, but I choose not to press her with any further questions about it right now. Instead, I read the next question.
"Who are your friends?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation natural.
"Emma" she murmurs, looking down at her lap. Her voice carries a cold feeling, which makes me worry.
"Who do you talk to if you have a problem?" I read the next question out loud.
"Emma" she answers again, still without meeting my gaze.
"I hope you know you can talk to me, and Charlie" I try to catch her attention and give her a happy smile, but she just gives a weak nod back. It's like her mind is somewhere else, like there's something she can't let go.

We are working on the survey form and are now at the last question, and I read it out loud to her as well.
"Do you have any other questions?". I expect a typical response from a seven year old, something along the lines of is the earth going to end? or are there aliens?. But to my surprise, Maddie instead whispers; "Can I stay with Nick and Charlie?". At this moment, I understand how much she carries inside, how many thoughts fly in her head. A wave of both warmth and sadness sweeps over me, and I quickly realize that from now on maybe she will dare to open up a little more.

"I think I have something to tell you," she says after a long moment of silence. Her eyes scream with worry, and her face is pale.
"It's about Mr. Smith.. who took care of me at the orphanage," she continues to explain. My pulse increases and a fear spreads within me for what she is going to tell me. But I quickly change my focus back to Maddie, she's the most important thing now.

"What is it about him that you want to tell me?".
"He did things to me". My stomach clenches quickly, and I feel an angry but powerless feeling wash over me.
"He.. he forced me to take my pants off. He touched my private parts and took pictures," she whispers. Her voice is fragile, filled with such terror that it cuts through my heart. Her whole body shakes uncontrollably.
"Can you tell me his name, his first name?" I ask, trying to keep myself calm. But she quickly shakes her head, almost in panic.
"He said he would hurt me more if I told anyone about what he did" she whispers and I could hear her worry in every word she said.

I make an attempt and offer her to sit closer to me, and to my surprise she accepts the offer.
"I often have... I often have flashbacks and nightmares of what he did," she sobs. I hug her tightly.
"I'm proud of you, Maddie. Thank you for telling me" I say softly, and then we sit there together on the couch with a comfortable silence between us. But there is one thing that strikes me quickly - Maddie allows me to hug her, comfort her, which has never happened before.

"I like hugs," she says suddenly, breaking the silence. I smile widely to myself.
"Me too," I reply.