My Big Brother

Chapter 41

It's Christmas Eve. Which to most of you know, is also Louis' birthday. Will this be his last birthday here? That's too scary to even begin to think about.

Liam and I are heading to the hospital to check up with him. Thanks to Perrie we're alone and have no children. I really don't want him to be alone on Christmas Eve, let alone his birthday.

I wrote this goodbye letter to Louis, to help me and him. Why do I have to be the first one to say goodbye?

"Lou, we're here," I whisper whist walking toward him. "We came here to bring you your Christmas present and say..."

I didn't finish the sentence. It's almost like you forget how to speak. Saying goodbye was going to be harder than I thought.

"Liam, could give me and Little- oh I mean Lily some privacy?" Louis asks so so politely. Liam quietly nods and slips out of the room.

"I didn't want to be cut off from my emotions during the middle of my little goodbye speech should I call it? So I wrote you a very long note." Handing him the letter he opens it.

Big,

I never thought I would have to do this. Not for you, Liam, Eleanor, no one. This is so surreal. I could list down a long list of all the things I enjoyed about you, but I am not going to do that. You deserve more. For God's sake you didn't deserve any of this either. You are such an amazing person, a person who's put up with me way more than they should have.

When do I announce it? Or will it be on headlines everywhere?

I wish me, nor you had to worry about this. Or for that matter, nobody.

I remember you always taking care of me while mom was just away at work. Or when dad died. You were always my rock, the person that saved me.

You showed me how to love, and why it is important to love. You and Anna, high school sweethearts.

Without you, 75% of my life wouldn't have happened. Liam, my children, nothing. I couldn't imagine my life without them or you.

I want to put our whole life story down on this piece of paper, but I can't. It wouldn't be the same, not even close to how amazing it was.

I remember the day you tried out for the X-Factor. I always knew you were an amazing singer. You were always a good singer.

Or the days you'd come into my room and "lady chat" with me. Those days were the best. When you came in a sang songs you came up with to calm me down, it made me so at ease. You make me at ease.

I wish I could relive all these days. Life is short. Your's, especially.

Oh, Louis I have so much to say. You are the greatest big brother ever. In fact, my only one. You're my number one supporter, my number one brother, probably everyone's number one.

In just so sorry it has to be ended like this. With a letter, I'm such a coward. You didn't deserve to go like this. Why do I have to write this goodbye? Why?

Louis please remember that I'm more than grateful to have had you as my badass brother. Thank you for beating up every guy that broke my heart. Thank you for making me food when you knew I was on my period. Thank you for being the best godfather to my kid. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you, everyone does.
Oh... and happy birthday you old fuck.(;
-Lil

Louis looks up at me with tears rolling down his face. I've never been able to do that to a person.

"I'm sorry I couldn't say that out loud, I'm such a coward."