𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 - 𝐁.𝐄

two - daydreaming

•
billie.
•

june.

going on tour for a month should feel like a dream come true, right? not this time. it's not the kind of tour with sold-out arenas and screaming fans; it's a press tour—a relentless, soul-draining marathon of interviews where i'm expected to spill my guts about my "personal" life. the same recycled questions, the same tired answers, as if they're hoping i'll slip up and say something new, something juicy. but i won't. they'll never really know me—my fans, the interviewers, even the whole world. i do it because i have to, not because i want to.

in the back of the bus, i curl up, knees pressed tightly against my chest, arms wrapped around my legs like i'm trying to make myself smaller, to hide. it's the only way i know how to cope with the emptiness that creeps in when i'm on the road. we're in this small, cramped bus, and the air feels thick with unspoken thoughts. my team's here, of course, their faces a mix of tired and indifferent, but my real lifeline is the family i've brought along for the ride—my mom, my dad, finneas, claudia, and zoe.

i've learned that without them, without a piece of home, i start to lose myself. the road becomes a void, a place where my thoughts spiral, and the darkness creeps in, threatening to swallow me whole. but with them here, it's different. they bring a sense of normalcy, of warmth, that keeps me grounded. they allow me to carry home with me, wherever i go. they're my anchor, the only thing that keeps me from falling apart within the madness of it all.

i glance out the window, watching the world blur by, and feel a pang of something i can't quite name. it's not homesickness—not exactly. it's more like a longing for something real, something untainted by the flashing lights and fake smiles. something i can only find when i'm with them, my family. and as we roll down the streets, heading deeper into the city, to the destination, the next round of questions, i hold onto that feeling, letting it keep me sane in a world that's anything but.

i lean back in my seat with phone in my hands and my knees still to my chest, as "dance moms" plays on the tiny screen. zoe's head rests on my shoulder, her short blonde hair spilling onto my hoodie. we've been binge-watching the episodes since the flight over to europe, both of us entranced by the drama and the over-the-top personalities on screen. it's the perfect distraction, a way to drown out the noise of the world that's constantly pressing down on me.

the hum of the plane's engines is a low, soothing background noise along with the chatter of my team and family. as i glance at zoe, who's focused on the screen, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. for a moment, everything feels almost normal, like we're just two sisters hanging out, watching a show on a road trip and enjoying each other's company. but the reality lurking in the back of my mind is impossible to ignore—the fact that the whole world is counting on me, waiting for me to make my next move.

the press is waiting for the next headline, ready to snap a picture the second i step out of a vehicle, or god forbid, trip on a crack in the sidewalk. interviewers, with their rehearsed smiles and pointed questions printed on cards, are banking on me to give them the perfect soundbite, the answer that will skyrocket their ratings and, in turn, their paychecks. it's exhausting, knowing that everyone relies on me, that i'm their source, their ticket to success.

and yet, here i am, trying to lose myself in a reality show about angered mothers with their dancing kids, pretending for just a little while that i'm not the one under the microscope, that i'm not the one carrying the weight of a million expectations on my shoulders. the stress gnaws at me, a constant reminder that i only have so much left to give before i crash, before i burn out completely.

but for now, with zoe's head on my shoulder and the familiar scenes of the show playing out on my phone, i push those thoughts aside. i'll deal with them later, when the bus eventually halts behind a building and the real world comes crashing back in. for now, i just want to enjoy this moment of peace, however fleeting it may be.