𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 - 𝐁.𝐄

twenty five - naked

•
julia.
•

august 9th, 9:47 a.m.

she wasn't there when i woke up. why did i let myself believe that she would be? why did i think that this time would be different? it was always like this with her, and i was stupid enough to fall for it again, even after all that we've done.

she saw me stripped bare, left completely naked and vulnerable just for her, but i never got the same in return. she got to fuck me, she got to take what she wanted, but i never got to touch her once. not even once.

i'm such an idiot. i'm always getting myself hyped over nothing. i'm always reading into every little thing as if it could actually mean something more. i let myself think it was gonna be different this time. i thought that this time she would've stayed. and still, when i woke up, there was nothing. no note, no text, no wrinkled sheets beside me, not even the smallest trace of her. it was like it never happened. it's like we never happened. why did i even expect anything at all?

i knew it though. i fucking knew this would happen. the thoughts lingered in the back of my mind, yet i still tried to push them out, to live in the moment. i still hoped.

the worst thoughts always come true, don't they? she's gonna be ghosting me. again. and now i'm here, sitting in my empty bed that i should've been sharing with her. i'm left to rot in my own miserable silence, left alone with nothing but the cold sheets of where she used to be.

she left me. again.

there's not gonna be a next time. i know that now. i was wrong. i was completely wrong to think that there ever would be. i'll never get to taste her, never kiss those perfect plump lips that had me craving more every time she touched me, i won't ever get to see her skin—that beautiful skin, or even feel her body pressed against mine, the warmth of her bare flesh melting into me as we lay together, skin to skin. all i wanted was to be close to her. i just wanted her to like me.

i guess that doesn't matter to her. none of it does. none of it ever did. are we seriously just gonna pretend like it never happened? after she leaves the cottage at the end of the month, is she going to go on living and acting like i never existed, like i'm nothing?

every single thought that races through my mind feels like a knife cutting deeper and deeper into my body, twisting and pulling out slowly just to make the pain even worse and to make the blade seem much sharper. every single thought leads to the same dark conclusion. it was all just a mistake. it was just a hookup. it was nothing real. nothing happened that mattered. none of it did—at least to her.

i'm still sitting here, my legs dangling right off the edge of my as i'm bed lost in my thoughts, wrapped in the hoodie i grabbed off the floor right after waking up shivering.

there's nothing else on me besides my underwear and this blue hoodie. the one that she's supposed to be wearing and taking home with her just to see if it still smells like me even when we're far apart. but she's not here, and i still can't even fathom the fact on how stupid i was to think that she ever would be. the bed's cold without her, colder than i would ever like to admit.

with a heavy sigh, i drop my chin into my hand, my elbow resting on my knee as my gaze drifts over to the window. i can see the cottage from here. the one she told me she was staying in with just her family, just trying to get away for a while. that's what she said. i believed her. i fucking believed her.

the reason behind why my trust had faded just as easily as it had arrived was because i saw movement coming from a man knocking on the front door of the cottage.