Thoughts of a Loner.

Void She Left. (By Sapphirus)

He stood upon the precipice where the earth collides with skies and oceans,
As the wind whispered cold truths through the long strands of his hairs,
The vast expanses before him mirrored desolation within,
Gray skies melded with the sapphire sea,
A bleak reflection of his soul and turmoil within,
The whiskey's bite dulled the gnawing ache,
The burning sensation became his only solace,
Since she had gone,
His world has shriveled,

Since you are gone,
My world is fucked up, old lady.

Colourless and barren to it's name,
She was not of his crimson blood or eyes,
Yet she was bound to him deeper than anyone,
Had been his refuge when his life was of storm,
Her home became his sanctuary,
In her presence and warm smile he did find a reason,
A meaning that eluded him elsewhere,
Now she lay beneath the earth,
Her time fulfilled,
Yet he wandered lost,
Chasing shadows across foreign lands,
Each step heavier than the last,
He sought to escape in movement,
Assuming distance would numb the pain away,
But each new city,
Each unknown road only deepened the chasm within,
Words once flow from him,
Verses born of sorrow and loss,
Yet now they fell flat and emotionless,

"Poet?"

"Preacher?"

"Wise?"

Ha, amusing indeed.

The poetry that once sustained him were now hollow ghosts,
It's syllables mere echoes of the pain he bore within.

He stood upon the precipice where the earth collides with skies and oceans,
In Paris he wandered beneath the mocking gaze of Eiffel,
French to blood? Unaware,
Scottish highlands loomed like giants over him,
Indifferent to his grief,
The blossoms of Kyoto felt like edging tears,
The world's beauty was seemingly rejected by his ugliness,
Once a balm was now a reminder of his solitude,
Alcohol became his constant companion,
The burn of Irish whiskey,
The only thing that could quiet the storm raging within,
If only for just one fleeting moment,
One damn fucking moment,
He drank in bars where nobody knew his name,
He prose in crowds where everyone just saw his pain,
Not the money he wielded,
Not the being he was,
Just him,
Surrounded by faceless souls who failed to see the void he carried,
Fake smile,
Fake laugh,
Fake emotions,
Only the emptiness was true,
Emptiness always returned like a creeping thief,
As he found himself laying in strange beds,
Across different damsels and ladies,
Ladies immersed in the silk he gave,
Yet deeply he was just in empty beds,
One night stands?
Amusing,
As he stared at the ceilings that mocked him with their stillness,
His thoughts returned to her,
The mother she became,
The mother he never had,
The warmth of her wrinkled hands,
Her lame stories,
The proud of her eyes as he stood at the gates of Harvard,
The proud,
The proud eyes,
Her voice became a fading echo in his memory,
He longed to weep,
To allow the tears to wash the pain away,

But his heart was a barren landscape was it not?

Parched of anything that might offer release,
All he had was pain behind his fucking wisdom,
Unyielding agony,
That consumed of what was left to him,
He had lost one person who has truly seen him,
Seen the real him,
Beneath the fake smiles,
Beneath the Italian suits and stoic eyes,
And without her,
He was meaningless,
A blur of meaningless gray.

He stood upon the precipice where the earth collides with the skies and oceans,
He returned to the cliff where they had once walked,
As the young him held tightly onto the old lady's hands,
A place she truly loved,
A place that once brought him peace,

"Young one, you are not abandoned, do not assume such."

She would say.

But now the place was but a cruel mockery,
Mockery to all he had lost,
As he took one last swig of whiskey,
A path through numbness as he let the bottle fall,
The ocean's roar matched the tempest within,
The waves crashing against the rocks with a fury that mirrored his own despair,
He closed his crimson eyes as he seeked her face in the darkness,
But all he found was emptiness,
Voids of where she must've been,
The revolver was cold in his hands,
A weight that anchored his very being,
In a world that has become too much to bear,
His fingers trembled,
But his mind was eerily calm,
The clarity of the situation was a stark contrast,
To the chaos that has been his life,
The world had become a prison,
Too much to bear,
Too much to worth living for,
He whispered his silent apology to her,
He knew she would not have wanted this,
She had always wanted him to be happy,
To grow,
To learn,
Yet not path existed without her warmth.

In the final moment he opened his eyes,
Looking out over the seraphic sea one last time,
The horizon blurred by the tears that had come too late,
But it no longer mattered,
He was way beyond salvation,
As he squeezed the trigger,
The shot echoing across the cliffs,
A final mournful note to his beautiful symphony,
And then there was silence,

Just silence remained.

~ Sapphirus