Thoughts of a Loner.

Chasseur de Lumière Perdue. (By Sapphirus)

He chased the light as a broken promise,
A beacon shimmering just beyond the grasp of darkened hands,
As he believed in it's grace as he journeyed with his youth,
The tender golden glow that would cleanse the coldness,
Coldness that seeped deep within his bones,
But the light was always a lie,
But the light was always a facade,
A cruel mirage upon his setting horizon,
Mocking him with every step he took,
The more he reached,
The deeper he sank,
The more he wished to breathe,
The more the light suffocated him,
As he sank deep within the sands of abyss,
Abyss that forever lingered behind his very actions.

He chased the light as a broken promise,
His father was a phantom of whiskey and wrath,
The first to show the young him the depth of night,
The scent of alcohol was acrid and sharp,
Was the prelude to the violence that broke each night,
A symphony of bruises and shattered cries,
A symphony as his ribs cracked beneath the drum,
Echoing through the suffocating stillness of their "home,"
He learned to flinch at the clinking of glass,
To brace that storm that would inevitably follow,
Hiding in the dark corners,
He tried to become nothing,
Nothing at all,
But the blows and smacks found him still,
The hungry leather belt and hardened boots of hide,
Leaving marks that faded from his skin,
But were long imprinted within his soul,
Feeding the darkness that grew within,
Relentless and wild.

He chased the light as a broken promise,
His mother was a softer shadow,
A silence that seeped into the crevices of his soul,
A darkness that whispered through the haze of drugs,
Her eyes forever glazed as she was a distant image of woman she once was,
She was meant to be his refuge,
The shield against his father's storm,
But she was lost in her own tempest,
Too broken to notice the cracks forming in her son,
She abandoned him,
Although she sat beside,
She never guided him,
Although she told her stories,
Her presence a mere ghost of what it should have been,
For her weakness,
For the way she abandoned him,
Abandoned to the cruelty of the man she once loved,
But only knew how to destroy.

He chased the light as a broken promise,
As he finally fled the cursed house,
As he assumed to have escaped the clutches of shadows,
But the world outside was just as cold,
Just as empty and heartless though,
He found people who termed themselves "Allies,"
But they were incarnation of dark,

Fleeting.
Insubstantial.

Fading when he needed them the most,
Their smiles were hollow,
Their eyes devoid of the light his crimson eyes seek,
Their words laced with golden deceit,
They took from him what little he had left,
Leaving him emptier than ever before,
A husk of a man that once believed in light,

A light that never existed,

A LIGHT THAT NEVER FUCKING EXISTED.

He chased the light as a broken promise,
And then there was her,

Her.
Her.
Her.

She was the "light" he had always searched for,
Or so he let himself believe,
Stupid fool,
She was everything his life made him dream of,
A soft glow in the cold expanse of his universe,
She made him think that the darkness could be left behind,
Manipulation at finest,
As she was nothing but a mirage,
A cruel trick of his psychotic mind?
And when he allowed himself to trust,
She did strike and shatter the remnants of his soul,
She took away his beating heart,
As he smiled with blood oozing his chest,
His heart beating but fragile and scarred,
Useless,
As she crushed it with indifference beneath her cruel heels,
That left him gasping for breath,
She broke him in a way nobody did,
As he stood in the ruins of his own false hope,
Cursing his own foolishness,

FOR EVER BELIEVING IN A LIGHT THAT WASN'T REAL.

He chased the light as a broken promise,
The darkness was ever patient,
As it finally swallowed him whole,
He turned to the bottle that was once his father's friend,
The same fucking poison,
As he hoped to drown the pain,
To silence the memories that haunted him,
But the more he drank,
The more it spread like a cancer,
Seeping into every corner of his soul,
The light he had chased was finally gone,
Replaced by a void that nothing could fill,
The whiskey dulled his senses,
Numbed the edges of his sharpened reality,
But it couldn't quench the fire that burned within,
Rage.

"I HATE THEM ALL!"

He hated them all,
He hated the world for never accepting him,
He hated those who hurt him,
He hated the light that deceived him,
He hated his father for the fists,
He hated his mother for her absence,
He hated allies who lied,
And he hated her,
The most,
For breaking him when he was already shattered,
He stood at the window each night,
Looking out to the city,
City alive with lights he could never reach,
As he wanted the gravity to take him,
Was he slipped into hope again of release?
Or perhaps madness?

As he sat at the table with the ticking clock,
Rusty revolver,
And a bang.

~ Sapphirus