The Lost Alpha Prince (Book 15 of the Regal Eclipse Pack Series)

Chapter 61

"You were unconscious," Cole said. "We have the laptop they were keeping notes on at the lab. I've read all of it over. Your mother hasn't."

Xavier swallowed. "I don't know that I want to read it."

"You don't have to. I can answer any questions you might have if you don't want to," Cole said.

"Maybe. That entire thing just succeeded in making me incredibly paranoid. It's why I left the Ozark Pack, and why I was so nervous around you. I couldn't decide if you were being honest with me or taking me back to captivity," Xavier said, looking at his mother.

"You really thought that?" He could see the sadness in her eyes at his words.

"I was so paranoid, Mom. Every situation I went into, I was looking for a way out just in case. Everyone I met I didn't trust, I was making a judgement call on whether or not I could take them. I had no idea how powerful I was though." If only he had known, he might have actually been less paranoid.

Kyra reached up and cupped his cheek. "Xavier," she whispered. "You poor thing."

"I'm okay Mom. I was more thinking self-preservation than anything else," he told her. While he might tell his father he contemplated suicide, he wasn't about to tell his mother. Not if she didn't know everything.

The fact that he'd actually considered suicide still blew him away a bit. It was so far removed from who he was, but he knew he'd been in a very dark place, and would have never wanted to return there.

What are you not saying?

His gaze darted up to his father and he sighed softly. I was suicidal during that time. If I could have reached anything, I would have tried. But even then, I already knew something was off with me, and I wasn't really sure it would do me any good. But please don't tell Mom about it. I feel bad enough that I put her through all of this.

I won't tell her, but at the same time, you really can't blame yourself. It was just a crazy thing that happened. Your mother is incredibly resilient. Frankly, I'm more worried about you than I am her.

I'm alright. Right now, I'm more worried about my mate, and the fact that I left her. She's human, Dad.

Did she know you were her mate?

Yeah. Thats why she suspected I was a werewolf. She's known about them her entire life. And I left her. I didn't realize what a big deal it was.

"Do you have your wolf back?" Ben asked him.

"Yeah. He's good but pissed at me for leaving his mate in California," he said with a sigh. He really wanted to kick his non-remembering self's ass.

Ben's eyebrows shot up. "You what?"

"I really had no idea what was going on with me. I didn't know I was a werewolf most of the time I was gone. I didn't even know werewolves existed. But I did know something was off with me. Then I met Maddie and my world was rocked." He smiled at Kyra. "She realized I was her mate. She told me that and that she suspected I was a werewolf, though the werewolves that she worked with told her I wasn't because I had my scent masked. Which I didn't even realize. I wouldn't have known how to unmask it anyway."

"So she knows about werewolves?" Ben smiled at him. Ben hadn't known about werewolves either until he suddenly shifted into one.

"Yeah. They actually live on Sierra Nevada territory. There are several werewolves that work at her mother's hotel and the saloon," Xavier said. "So she suspected. But I really had no clue. I knew I was very attracted to her, and I knew there was a connection between us, and ..." he rubbed his hand over his face. "I let her mother convince me to walk away. I thought I was doing what was best for her. Though looking back, I don't even know why I thought that either."

"You didn't know how important she is to you," Kyra murmured. "And you were also very overwhelmed by everything as well, Xavier. It was a lot. Things happened so fast."

"I'm an idiot. I just didn't really know," he said quietly. He just hoped Maddie would forgive him. If not, he would have no choice but to reject her, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Not after he knew what it was like to kiss her, to hold her, to be buried deep inside her warm sweet body. Rejecting her would hurt badly, but if she wouldn't forgive him, it would be necessary.

"Doesn't make you an idiot," Kyra said softly.

Xavier smiled at her. Kyra was always so supportive of him. "Yeah, but I'd like to go back and kick my own ass for letting Rita convince me to leave," he said with a groan. "She may not forgive me."

"Well you're all good here. I would advise you to shift and let your wolf out for a bit, and try to avoid plane crashes, but otherwise, you're good to go," Ben told him with a smile.

Xavier breathed a small sigh of relief, and his gaze darted up to Cole.

"Go. Let Hawk out. I'll get the flight lined up for us," Cole told him.

Xavier nodded appreciatively. "Mom?"

"Yeah?" She smiled at him.

"Can you keep an eye on Susie for me?"

She laughed. "Of course I can."

"She's mostly self-sufficient but she needs fed and she loves attention. I'm going to let Hawk out. I'll see you both in a bit." He headed towards the exit. "Thank you, Ben."

"Of course."

Xavier walked out of the clinic and got on the elevator, Kyra and Cole right behind him. It felt so good to just be himself. To have his memories back. To know who he truly was.

"How long do you need?" Cole asked him.

'Not long. Need to go get Mate,' Hawk said.

"Maybe an hour. I gotta pack a bag too," Xavier told his father.

Cole nodded. "Okay. I'll come find you."

The elevator stopped on the first floor, and Xavier stepped off. He wanted to see his family, but Maddie was his biggest concern right now. He was so pissed at himself for leaving her.

'Stop beating yourself up over it. You really had no idea,' Hawk told him.

Xavier headed out the back door and jogged through the woods. As soon as he reached the clearing, he ripped off his clothes and immediately shifted, handing control over to Hawk who immediately took off through the woods they knew so well. He headed to a meadow and ran the perimeter at top speed several times, then headed back to the clearing, giving Xavier back control.

Xavier shifted and dressed, then headed back to the pack house. He went back up to his apartment, glancing around. What would she think of it? Hopefully she was willing to come back home with him. Hopefully she didn't hate him for leaving her. Hopefully she could forgive him.

He walked inside his apartment, and was immediately greeted by Susie. "Hey darling." He picked her up, stroking her warm body. "I have to leave again. But my mom will take good care of you."

Xavier walked back to his bedroom and sat Susie down on his bed, giving her a little attention before he turned his attention to packing. He walked into his closet and glanced around. His favorite bag was long gone along with some of his clothes. He grabbed another and began to pack, not sure how long he'd be gone. Hopefully not real long. He'd been gone long enough. But he wouldn't return without Maddie. Or a rejection. Hopefully it would be with Maddie.

There was no way. He needed her. He just hadn't realized how much. Maddie had wormed her way into his heart, and he was most definitely falling for her. He just needed to get to really know her. To spend time with her, and he'd probably fall deeply in love with her. Being away from the saloon and all those women would help. He'd barely had any time with her before everything had happened and then he'd let Rita convince him it was best that he left. He wondered if Rita had known Maddie was his mate. He supposed he'd find out.