Dₑₗᵢᵣᵢᵤₘ

𝑺𝒌𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒈𝒊𝒂

She wondered if it was the end. But she knew it wasn't. She was young. She had to experience a heartbreak at some point of her life. She gave it to Sara. Asking her to convey it.
Sara read through it, Faking a tear. She said she got emotional about the "subjects to talk about". Sara said she had seen Ana and Suzaku grow. And how they were shouting to Sara for a subject to talk about during their first conversation.

Ana decided not to laugh, just hummed.

And the next day Sara said that she did give the letter to Suzaku.

He was running around and apparently she tucked it in his hand.

Honestly Ana hated herself for that but she couldn't help but think why Sara had to tell her that.
Why Sara had to ask "isn't he so cute" when she first mentioned him.

She shrugged. Then she heard Sara say that she asked Suzaku to convey any message he had.

He said that it was personal stuff he doesn't want to show her.

Boys and girls are so different sometimes.

Ana looked up to the crisp pink tree. Anonymous flowers bloomed on it. Taller than any other building.

How long has it been there?

How many Ana had looked up to it like that, about thinking about how many Suzaku's?
How many of them though so after a year?

Ana sighed again. Was everyone like this? Denying their own feelings first, then after letting go of it, dismissing the other person's feelings?

...........................

Ana met Sara that morning. They always did when school was closed.

It was Thanksgiving holiday. And she was rubbing a cows head.

The fact that their campus was in the middle of the capital was unbelievable.

Ana hated small beings with mind and capability to move fast (example: cockroaches)

But she loved big animals.

"What will you have for lunch today? " Ana asked.

"White sauce pasta made with handmade pasta and sauce " Sara twirled happily.

"Woah! Me too but with store brought" Ana hummed.

An unconscious smile creeping in her lips. The pleasure of lying.

She envisioned the bowl of cucumber waiting for her at home.

"Also, Suzaku sent a message for you. Come by later, in fact let's go now"

Ana happily followed Sara to her house. Sara's warm house, where she slept in a room by herself, where she was allowed to keep fairy lights and soft toys. Where she hung pictures of herself on wall.

Ana's room was like a person with quarter life crisis. Only a boring bedsheet her mum chose, curtains her mom chose, no soft toys cause they'll get dirty. No sticking stuff at walls cause they'll peel off. The only thing saving it is the TXT poster she bought with her scholarship money she got thanks to Tulsi's nagging.

She remembered how she always nagged Tulsi and had to study. And how she finished all exams an hour ago. And how her favourite song back then was "fear" by SEVENTEEN, and how SEVENTEEN wasn't even popular back then cause they weren't under Bighit.

And she remembers jumping in front of the TV every time her mum left so she could see Hwarang from illegal sites and pretend she was back to studying when she heard her mom's steps.

So when the results came out with her getting a scholarship, no one except her was surprised.

"Why you studied, this is less actually" her mum would say.

"No I didn't I replqyef every kpop song binged BNHA and Hwarang" She couldn't say that .

She also studied because apparently her mum will give her a "gift" She wanted.

Back then, only one shop in their city had kpop merchandise, and oh how she wanted them.

But after the day she got her results, she went to her "cousins" home with her father where she took three of her lip glosses cause why not and left her bag there.

And when her mum demanded how she lost three suddenly, she knew she couldn't tell that she took all three of them so she could brag cause then her mum'll call her names that'll cause her ears to bleed.

She said she didn't know and was given a,

"You're so irresponsible, If you don't find all three of them, then I'm not buying you any gift"

The next day as she was ranting to Ruby, Rachel, Sara she burst out crying.

And somehow realised that her mum was actually not being "cruel" but "abnormal" as none of her friends couldn't even get what she was saying.

She somehow retrieved the bag. Then pretended to find three in different places with perfect time lag.

And she still remembers the sticky plasticky smell and key chain clattering sound of the merchandise shop.

Oh god.

How hard she worked for this.

Her parents, though reluctant to come, bought generously.

But TXT merchandise was rare so she bought a BTS bag she still used, though she barely listens to kpop now.

Really? She worked so hard for kpop merchandise?

And a pink EXO Hoodie, and the TXT poster, her treasure that she put in the back of her door, begging. Cause she knew even if the back of the door was peeled, no one will see.

<CRACK>

Ana widened her eyes.

"That was the fourth finger, you okay? That nervous? " Sara smirked, she had been snapping fingers beside Ana's ear to bring her back to earth.

"You've been out of it lately...missing him already? What a heroine huh, first love didn't even get to kiss her goodbye" Sara's gaze softened.

"First love was Turfa though" Ana laughed.

Knowing she can't say that somehow being hungry levitated her from the earth, and made her swim in the abyss of memories.

Memories so useless and typical that they somehow feels magical.

Rachel entered the room too, Ana giving her potato eyes and saying she had "grown" after seeing her in a tank top.

Rachel throwing a pillow at her saying Sara had "Grown" more.

Ana saying Sara was well balanced. She was tall.

But Rachel the typical tsundere loli stepping right out of a romcom manga in a tank top?Ana the degenerate otaku was blessed.

After getting more pillow hits from Rachel Ana decided to switch sides and bully Sara with Rachel instead.

Sara showed her dress , snatching her ittybitty waist. Ana and Rachel made some inappropriate sound and then proceeded to bully how Sara looked better and felt more Sara like when she was fat. They said Sara now felt like a pretty girl they'll see at sturbucks, not their friend Sara.

Sara rolled her eyes first. Then actually felt bullied and started whining.

And finally they remembered why they came and Sara handed her the phone.

And ana took it, still in disbelief of the gen z ness of it.

And still unable to...

Unable to....

Unable to just...

Know the truth.