How to get me a boyfriend

Step 2: seduce a teen

Have you ever had to wear a bikini before? If your answer is yes then have your bikini ever given you a wedgie? Yes too? Nice, welcome to the club.

So today on another episode on how to get me a boyfriend, little Kendall decided to go for a swim at the local sea right behind the cemetery, across from the Addams family house AND the dump. I'm just joking, I can already imagine your face. Before I left for the sea, I curled my hair, applied a coat of mascara I just bought recently that swore on it's manufacturers and advertiser's life that it was water proof and a new hot pink bikini.

I was dressed to kill. It was summer so the beach was obviously going to be packed with sweaty grannies, obese dads and hot teens. Hot teens was my target if you couldn't catch up. I wore a big black T-shirt and blue shorts before leaving the house so my gam gam wouldn't suspect anything. As soon as I got to the sea at 5pm sharp because that's when the cute guys arrive, I took off the shirt and shorts.

There's a but incoming people. The beach was packed with people BUT not my type of people. Toddlers, worried parents, crying babies, diapers. What was this? A family getaway? My eyes widened as I scanned the entire beach, waiting to just see an attractive looking boy with his group of attractive friends but all I saw was a mum changing the diapers of her baby. Diverting my attention, I slowly walked into the beach, placed my bag on the sand and sat on my beach towel.

I wouldn't lose hope though, once all the parents leave with their kids, the teens would flock in. I just had to wait and wait was what I did indeed. I waited and waited and the more the people left, the more no teens came. My hope was on a frail rope now, hanging onto it's dear life. With one last sigh, I agreed to do the disastrous idea I had in mind. I slowly walked to the sea, popping one foot into the water first, then the other and then I walked fully into the sea.

I tried swimming seductively to catch anyones attention but as I turned around, no one was on the beach again. Everyone, I mean everyone both the grannies, the dads, the mums, the noise makers and even the lifeguard wasn't there again. What in the freaking upside down world was happening?

I shook my head, still holding onto my frail hope, swimming and laughing to myself. I tried again, laughing louder, hoping a group of teens were passing now but nope, nobody. I was sure I looked foolish, laughing to myself and swimming in an empty beach.

But then, I heard a laugh. Not mine, someone else's. I turned around, looking for the owner of the laughter until I found them. Universe, why do this to me? I asked for a honk not an O'brian. O'brian stood far away from the sea with his bike beside him and a smug smirk on his lips.

His laughter increased as he moved closer to me and all I was wondering about what was so funny that it made him to start slapping his thighs (figuratively)? "Gosh, you sure know how to make a joke out of yourself."

"Just go away O'brian." I moved towards the shore of the sea, placed my hands on my hip like a disappointed dad and gave him my hardest glare. That should scare him off.

"The name's Sean." Another nonsense he spilled from his lips.

"Remind me when I asked," I said with a glare. O'brian let his bicycle fall, squatting down and looking directly at me.

"You're so single that you cried out black tears," he laughed to himself. And what the heck was this idiot talking about now? Or was he suddenly color blind and mistook the clear sea water for black?

"You need to get glasses O'brian." He rolled his eyes and moved his gross hand towards my face. I pushed it away but he didn't budge, wiping his fingers on my cheeks. He faced his fingers to me and smirked. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! The mascara was just too cheap to be true.

"Who needs to get the glasses now?"

I wasn't accepting defeat that easily. "You still do and if you don't know, that's the trend in the streets now."

"Running mascara?" My glare intensified and I answered with gritted teeth.

"Exactly, now scram, I'm busy."

"Busy making a fool out of yourself. That I can't skip." He moved away from me, making himself comfortable on the sand. I got out of the water and he complained, saying I ruined the fun. Being wet, I shivered and searched through my bag for my spare towel. Did I forget to pack it?

"Here," O'brian said, handing me a towel. I narrowed my eyes, watching him carefully. He didn't have a smirk on his face and the towel looked clean. I hesitantly took the towel from him, inspecting it for a while before slowly wrapping it around my shoulders.

"Thanks? Where did you get it from?" He pointed behind him.

"Beside that pile of used diapers." Immediately, I flung it away, shrieking disgustedly. I faced him with narrowed eyes, flaring nostrils and red cheeks.

"I'll kill you O'brian." I ran towards him, my hands ready to kill. He didn't even seem threatened instead laughed as I chased him around the beach. When I was about to grab him by the collar, my leg tripped on something and I fell to the ground. I heard his footsteps walking towards me but instead of helping to pick me up, I heard the shutter of a camera.

I rose my head and he took another picture, amusement present in his eyes. "You're an evil person." I grabbed a handful of sand and threw it at him.

"Hey, don't blind me, I still need my beautiful eyes." I got on my feet and tackled him to the ground, pinching his cheeks, neck and arms while he laughed. "That's ticklish."

"Ugh, you are so annoying!"

"Don't act like you aren't enjoying this." I stopped pinching him and gave him a disgusted look. Enjoying what? "You are sitting on top of me." I quickly got up, trembling from the closeness of our bodies. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! He got up from the sand, dusting his butt and hair. After he was sure no sand stuck to his body, he pulled out his phone and laughed more.

"You're so devilish, O'brian."

"I know, devilishly bootylicious." He winked and I gagged. I moved to yank him by the ear but he dodged. After I realized there was no point fighting or arguing with him, I walked back to my bag, and put on my T-shirt and shorts.

"You going already?" O'brian yelled.

I turned to him, giving him a nonchalant look. "What? Already missing me." He had no words to reply with so I continued my journey away from him but he yelled again.

"Come here tomorrow." I turned around, fully facing him. The wind had messed with his hair, little strands sticking to his face while the others flying like electric waves.

I laughed without humor, "as if. Keep dreaming O'brian." I quickly left the beach, walking straight home in order not to bump into any person who would see me with mascara running down my cheek. I opened the front door to gam gam's house and walked into the living room.

Gam gam sat on the couch, playing cards with herself. That was one thing about gam gam, always doing the oddest things. I sat across from her and as she took in my appearance, she looked traumatized.

"I should call your parents. Their daughter have finally lost it." I laughed, running a hand through my wet hair. "Next time, if you want to go swimming, avoid makeup."

"Yes gam gam, I won't be that dumb next time." My stomach grumbled and I gave gam gam a sheepish look. "What's for dinner?"

Gam gam stood up, chuckling. "You're fending for yourself tonight darling." She walked towards her room, laughing to herself.

Gam gam- 1, Kendall- 0