Hey everyone. You don’t have to read this, but I just needed to get some things off my chest because I don’t really have anyone else to talk to right now. Honestly, I’m not okay, and I don’t even know how to describe what I’m feeling anymore. School has become something I just don’t care about I have one more year, but I’m not even sure if I can make it through. Life feels like a constant struggle, and school only adds to the weight.
It’s tough watching my friends and classmates show up with expensive clothes and the latest phones while I’m over here struggling. I’m genuinely grateful for what I have, and I know that money comes and goes. But still, it’s hard not to feel bad. I wish I had those things too, and then I feel guilty for wanting them because I know my parents work hard to give me what they can. It’s confusing—I’m torn between being thankful and wanting more, and it makes me feel awful.
I’m also questioning my friendships. I know some of them talk behind my back, and while I try not to let it bother me, it does. I don’t trash talk them, so it hurts knowing they do that to me. Are they really my friends if they act like that? I’m not sure anymore.
On top of everything, I hate my school, my teachers, and the entire school system. It feels so unfair in so many ways. My anxiety and anger issues only make things worse—I can’t help but wonder why I can’t just be like a normal person. Why can’t I be confident and calm? Why is it so hard for me to make friends and be social like my sibling? It’s frustrating, and I’m envious of people who have it easier. I wonder what it's like not getting irritated by the smallest things and lashing out on the wrong people then feeling like shit afterwards because you know your actions hurt that person although you didn't mean it. What does it feel like to be normal?
I am writing this at 1am I have school tomorrow and I want to cry. My hatred for school grows everyday. My hatred for this country this economy this school system this environment grows everyday. And so does my depression and hatred for myself.
I feel ugly, fat, broke, depressed, and hopeless. I’m sorry to dump all this, but I really needed to say it. I’ll be taking a short break just a couple of days to try and get myself together. I promise I’ll be back soon, and I’ll try to update when I can. Thank you for understanding.
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Fanfiction✿ Jennie is in a muddy situation which she can't escape. She figures there's no way out of her situation, Therefore she accepts it. Until a mysterious man changes her life forever, she's scared and confused. Jennie isn't ready for this life But he w...
