Ajnabee - The ecstasy of one sided love. ( completed )

Chapter 71

When they finally pulled apart, both of them were breathless, their hearts pounding in sync. Anirudh's forehead rested against hers, his breath ragged as he struggled to regain control. The anger that had fueled his outburst was gone, replaced by a deep sense of regret and an even deeper love.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion. " i'm so so sorry " He sobbed out holding her face in his hands . 

Bondita shook her head, her tears still falling . " nahi ..na-nahi .." she choked out, her voice trembling. 

He gently pulled away from her embrace, his eyes softening with a mix of love and self-reproach. "Bondita," he murmured, his voice laced with regret. Anirudh's mind was still in turmoil . " tum sahi ho ...tum sahi ho . tumhe jana chahiye . main tumhaare layak nahi hun . na pehle kabhi tha na aaj hun . maine tumhe sirf dukh ke siva kabhi kuch nahi diya . tumne mere liye itna kuch kiya hai , har mod par agni pariksha di hai . par har cheej ki ek hadd hoti hai . tum sach kehti ho ....tumhe yahan nahi rehna chahiye . main apne swarth ke liye tumhaare khushiyon ka gala nahi ghot sakta ..main reh lunga tumhaare bagair . tum jao ...divorce do , apni nayi zindagi shuru karo , apna naya ghar basao kisi aur ke saath jo tumhe saari khushiyan de sake . main tumhaare kaabil nahi hun ...bilkul nahi hun . shotti Bondita ....main kabhi tumhe apni shakal nahi dikhaunga . "

Bondita looked up at him, her eyes wide with confusion and concern. She could see the torment in his gaze, the way he was struggling with his own sense of worth. " patibabu " she whispered, cupping his face again , holding it lovingly so he could stop his rambling . " meri khushiyan aapse hai ..." she whispered . 

But Anirudh shook his head, pulling her hand from his cheek and holding it gently between his own. " nahi ...nahi Bondita nahi . maine sirf tumhe dukh diya hai , jaane anjaane mein hamesha main hi tumhaare Aansuon ki wajah bana hun . tum mujhse ek tarfa pyaar karti rahi zindagi bhar , aur maine kya diya hai tumhe ? itna yakeen tak nahi dila paya ki ...main tumse pyaar karta hun . " he said, his voice breaking. 

Tears welled up in Bondita's eyes as she listened to him, her heart breaking at the sight of his vulnerability. She could see the deep-rooted pain, the scars he carried from years of guilt and regret. But she also knew that he loved her, that he had always loved her, even when he couldn't admit it to himself. He always tried to push her away because he thought she deserved someone who had no past filled with taints , who had no scars of the past , who could give her the world for her happiness but he failed to realize that he was her happiness , He was her world . 

And she failed too , blinded by the insecurities . 

The had made two steps forward in their relationship but now they were four steps back . 

" patibabu " she said softly, stepping closer to him, " jaane anjaane mein aap mere jeene ki wajah bhi bane . main hi apne shak mein itni andhi ho gayi ki main aapka pyaar nahi dekh paayi . i'm sorry . " 

He closed his eyes, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over.  How could he truly be worthy of her love when he felt so flawed, so broken? 

" tum samajhti kyun nahi ho Bondita main tumhaare layak nahi hun . nahi hun main tumhaare layak " he said with frustration . " kya kuch nahi kiya tumne mere liye ? 8 saal tak mujhe bhula nahi paayi , mere lakh baar dard dene ke baad bhi mera saath nahi choda aur ab ... tum jaanti ho jo baccha tum laayi ho wo tumhare pati aur ek dusri aurat ka hai ...iske baad bhi tum usse apne bacche jaise pyaar de rahi ho . kis mitti ki bani ho tum Bondita ? kyun ? kyun ab bhi mere saath ho ? main iss liye pehle se keh raha tha chali jao mujhe chod ke . mere saath rehke tum apni zindagi barbaad kar rahi ho . aur sahi kehte hain baba , sahi kehta hai Batuk ....main shraap hi hun . meri wajah se iss ghar mein koi aurat ka saya nahi hai . " he cried out breaking her heart .