Sadie, Someday...

Chapter 5 - Come Back To The Silence

Chapter 5
Come Back To The Silence

A/N - Photo to the side is another of Caden:)

“Cause the anger in my eyes was once unforgiving, From the teeniest sunrise of unfulfilled living, But it might be good nature that keeps us believing, Cause I don't wanna hate you, Or cry as you're leaving.” ~ Trade Places – Automatic Loveletter                                                                                                                                                              

The encasing emptiness and silence.

That’s what I hated most about sleeping alone. Tonight it was my fault, given the fact that I practically threw Caden out of my bedroom window along with my love for him. There was this dull aching in my chest, somewhere deep down that was hard to pinpoint from the outside. My heart was aching, but my head was causally blaming myself for what I was left with tonight.

I didn’t have to throw Caden out earlier. I could have sat down and listened to him explain himself to me. Maybe he actually did schedule that “study session” with the thought of me in mind. He could have been serious when he said that he was planning on spending the weekend with me and not Tally Forrester. But no matter how hard I tried to get my brain to accept these miniscule facts, the image of those two rolling around on her bed with minimal clothing and loose tongues kept replaying in my mind.

Tossing and turning in my thin bed sheets, everything around me felt tight. I felt like I couldn’t get enough air, the limit to how much I could hold in my lungs seeming very small. Giving up on the sleeping idea, I threw the sheets off of my bare legs and made my way to the window seat. I opened the window all the way and let the cool evening breeze blow through. Bringing my legs up to my chin and wrapping my arms around my knees, I took deep breaths to simmer down the burning in my belly. I thought if I got enough oxygen in my brain that the thoughts would stop and I could finally let myself be ignorant to the cryptic world around me. But it was no use and the air wasn’t doing a damn thing to clear up the naughty images replaying.

I always told myself that Caden Grange was nothing more than an anchor to me. He kept me afloat when I needed it the most, but kept me from soaring away and leaving this place forever. It didn’t matter that his touch caused goosebumps and fluttery feelings in the pit of my stomach, I reminded myself. I had to make sure that none of that became a constant in my mind, only because if things had ever escalated between us and the other wasn’t on the receiving end, I would no longer have my pull to the world. He would be gone just like the rest of them.

Now it wasn’t the fault of protruding feelings. It was my own paranoia, my own secrets that were getting in between the two of us. For years, I always imagined Caden’s back retreating from me and leaving me behind in the wake of the dust beneath his combat boots. I thought he would give me some uncomfortable last words like, “I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore,” or “You were a great person. I just need something new in my life.”

I never expected to be the one to throw it all away.

While my cheek lay against my bare knee, my mind seemed to draw a blank. Followed by the blank came the taunting from my conscience, telling me that I should wallow in this self pity that I became so good at. Startling me half to death was the rattling of metal, meaning someone was moving the railing of the fire escape. I peeked around the awning of the window and almost fell off of the seat when his large body came into view.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he whispered. His words seemed to float into the silence of the night, whisked away with the stars above us.