Sadie, Someday...

Chapter 16 - The Expansions of Time

Chapter 16
The Expansions of Time

“Ouch I have lost myself again, Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, Yeah I think that I might break, I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe.” ~ Breathe Me - Sia

All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing.

There was a lot of beeping going on around me, chatter coming from patient visitors and waiting room attendees. Sneakers were squeaking against the shiny linoleum floors and codes kept going off around me. Mrs. Grange was talking to some officer now, trying to relay the information on Mr. Grange’s whereabouts and what he had done to her only son. People were crying, screaming, whispering and heavily breathing.

I couldn’t hear any of it.

I felt sick to my stomach, almost like I could puke the little bit of food I had today. My palms were sweating and my hair was tangled everywhere around me. The long sleeve shirt I had on felt too tight, my pants too restricting around my legs. Nothing felt safe, nothing seemed quiet or comforting.

I wanted nothing more than to have Caden wrap me in his arms, lying in my bed with me with the windows letting the wind seep through. He’d play with my hair and I’d run my fingers over his old scars. We wouldn’t be able to hear anything else but the beating of one another’s heart and our own breathing.

Now that, that was what safety was for me. If someone asked where I’d like to go off to, where I’d be the most comfortable and serene, it would be in that boy’s arms. I’d relish in the way he held onto my fingers like they were fragile pieces of glass, the way he caressed my skin like it would break if he pressed too roughly. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and hear him laugh lightly as I watched him sleep, even though I knew he was just pretending the whole time.

Nothing in this hospital felt permanent to me. I felt like if I moved, my whole world would collapse around me. My body wouldn’t stop shaking. I wanted to call Mason and tell him what was happening, but I couldn’t trust my voice to remain steady enough. I yearned for Mrs. Grange to come back to her seat and shower me with reassurances, but I couldn’t seem to do anything but sit.

Sitting felt safe.

We hadn’t heard anything from the doctors in hours. It was dark outside now, the moon coming in through the waiting room’s window in a crescent shape, Caden’s favorite type. My feet itched to run to his room and let him know that; just give him some small piece of the world to hold onto, to keep him here longer.

If I couldn’t keep him here, maybe the small things he loved could.

“Sadie?” a voice tore me from my tight thoughts.

I picked my head up quickly at the sound, my heart pounding harder as I realized who was in front of me. He was dressed in sweatpants and a college tee, one of my familiar jackets on his arm. His facial hair was coming through slightly, dotting around his mouth and on his chin. There were dark circles underneath his eyes and his hair was thrown everywhere, like he was running to get here.

“Mason?” I breathed, the tears cracking beneath the pressure and coming through in my tone.

I ignored my urge to sit in my seat and immediately threw myself into him. Our chests met with a hard knock, blowing the wind out of both of us. Neither one of us seemed to notice though, because all he did was wrap both of his arms around me so tight, like he thought I’d melt into a puddle in front of him if he didn’t hold on. I wrapped my arms around his neck, shoving my face into the crook of his shoulder as I sobbed. It was so loud, so breathy and hard. I didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to let him out of my sight.