Sadie, Someday...

Chapter 6 - Words Hold More Than Secrets

Chapter 6
Words Hold More Than Secrets

“No, I can't take one more step towards you, 'Cause all that's waiting is regret, Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore, You lost the love I loved the most.” ~ Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri 

My mind was a blank.

For the first time in my life, there were no voices or feelings overpowering me. There was no tingle of recognition to his touch or butterflies in my belly from him being beside me. I wanted, for so long, to have that tightness escape my chest. Those four walls I consistently built around me that always felt like they were closing in on me, they just seemed to demolish at the sound of those three little words.

Three little words. That’s all they were. It amazed me sometimes how such small words held such passion, secrets, pain, or love. They made you cry. Words made you scream. Letters built into one compact word held the power over everyone. It didn’t matter how they were said or when they were said. All that mattered was what the meanings behind the words were and how many feelings were about to be provoked to come out at the sound.

“Say something,” he breathed, his eyes still not leaving mine.

I cleared my throat at his words and pushed myself a little bit away from him. He tried his hardest to hold onto me and keep me close, but I wasn’t having it. I just shook my head at him, pushing my hands against the bed to hop off. I pulled my cardigan around my stomach and pulled my arms in tight.

“What are you doing?” he asked, the noise of the bed creaking as he sat up on his side.

Walking to the window seat, I sat in my usual place and tucked my chin by my knees. I stared out into the alleyway, past the rusted railings and into the depths of the night. The air had gotten a bit cooler than usual, so I pulled my sleeves down into my closed fists to block the air. No matter what I looked at, everything was appearing as a blank. I couldn’t even form words if I tried.

I should’ve been screaming as he said those words. Due to the feelings my heart couldn’t seem to ignore for Caden, I should have cried or maybe ask him to leave because I couldn’t bear to think of him kissing Tally.

“Sadie, come on. Please…will you say something?” he begged, getting up from the bed and walking towards me. I just turned onto my cheek so I was facing him.

“That’s great, Cade,” I whispered, feeling like the words leaving my tongue weren’t my own. It was coming from the second voice now apparent in my head. The same one that taunted me day after day, showing me that I did something to deserve this utter heartache.

If I wasn’t so numb right now, I was sure I’d be a wreck. I couldn’t even imagine what this all meant. Caden never had a girlfriend before. I was the first girl he kissed back when were twelve and thirteen. He spent his free time with me, shared his secrets with me, and held me closest to his heart. Now Tally Forrester was taking that spot in his heart, little by little, moment by moment.

“I’m so sorry,” he groaned, running a large hand through that thick mane of chocolate brown hair. “I mean, I shouldn’t have even kissed her. I don’t know what came over me. All this time, I thought I hated her.”

“Why are you apologizing?” I asked, cocking a brow at him with pure curiosity.

He paused for a moment, his hand still suspended near his hair. I could see the defined muscles in his upper arm and couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of the deep indentations of strength. He was a vision, a sight for sore eyes, standing in front of me like this. His shirt was lying somewhere on my floor and his jeans were lying lazily underneath his waist, exposing his black Calvin Klein’s. “I don’t know…” he said, ending his statement as somewhat of a question.