Sadie, Someday...

Chapter 25 - The Fight for Something Better

Chapter 25
The Fight for Something Better

A/N - This is the second to last chapter! I hope you guys enjoy & thank you so much for reading/voting/commenting :)

“And if they, if they really knew, All those things, That you do in your room to hide the pain, I bet their minds would change, Yeah,  I'll bet their minds would change, They'd change if they knew the pain, Cause I believe in these scars, I believe.” ~If You Knew – Joel Faviere

“Sadie?” Dr. Griffin kept calling to me. “Are the voices talking to you again?”

I just nodded my head frantically, my fingers tightening around my legs as I rocked a bit in my seat. I couldn’t think about Caden’s lack of presence in the room or Dr. Griffin’s somewhat scared expression in his eyes. He didn’t think I noticed, but I could definitely see the slight fear in them.

“What are they saying?” he urged, never once taking his eyes off of me.

“They’re…” I tried to get out, my words strangled. “They keep saying that this was a bad idea. They said Caden is disgusted by me now. That you think I’m crazy…” I let out. I just wanted them to shut up. I needed this to stop. I wanted nothing more than to have them shut up and leave me alone.

“Sadie, I want you to keep thinking of the positives. Tell the voices how kind Caden is to you. Fight them, Sadie. Fight them,” he encouraged, the vigor in his voice so high.

“I can’t…” I cried, my eyes shut but the tears slipping through the cracks as I shook.

“Tell them that if Caden was so disgusted, he would’ve left by now. Look, he’s right there, outside the window,” he pointed to the sole window in his office that housed the tree with the birds.

I looked out to the street to see Caden perched against the bird’s tree with a lit cigarette in his hand. He looked pretty pissed, but Dr. Griffin was right. He still hadn’t left me alone. My breathing was still labored, causing my heart to beat frantically against my chest with every breath I took.

But I did what Dr. Griffin said. I fought against the voices and told them what I knew best. I thought about all of the times that Caden came to save me. I thought about the fact that Dr. Griffin wasn’t calling me crazy, but helping me fight against what scared me the most. I thought my mom and I’s conversation last night about everything I’d ever wanted to tell her.

People were there. People cared about me. People stayed around long enough to help me face my demons and fight to fix myself. If people truly didn’t care, I’d never be in this seat with Dr. Griffin teaching me tools to help myself. I wouldn’t have a boyfriend who did things like climb my fire escape every night and meet my therapist to get the stories straight. My mother wouldn’t have talked to me last night and apologized the way they she had. Isla wouldn’t have gone to my parents about my emotional rollercoaster, no matter if she lied or not. And Mason wouldn’t have cried in front of me while he read my letter to the world before I decided to make the biggest decision of my life.

“Is it working?” he asked me, waiting patiently as I pulled myself together.

I nodded slowly, my eyes still shut and frightened to face the world around me. The grip on my pant leg loosened just a bit as the voices slowly started to fade away inside of my head. The feeling that panged my heart of thinking I was crazy for acting this way was still there, but my breathing was slowing down to a proper level and I was beginning to feel better little by little.

Slowly, I opened my eyes to face Dr. Griffin’s scrutiny. I took in the blood red carpet, matching couch and mahogany desk behind him. I let my eyes trace over the details of his bent glasses and reddish-brown beard. I looked down at myself and un-tightened the hold of my jacket sleeves and let my legs drop to the floor in a normal position.