Sadie, Someday...

Chapter 12 - Yearning Vs. Secrets

Chapter 12
Yearning Vs. Secrets

"And you left me, Standing on a corner crying, Feeling like a fool for trying, I don't even remember, Why I'm wasting all these tears on you, I wish I could erase our memory, Cause you didn't give a damn about me, Oh, finally I'm through, Wasting all these tears on you.” ~ Wasting All These Tears – Cassadee Pope

It all seemed like a dream.

One minute he was breathing against my lips, every sensory nerve on my body alighting in a fire of sorts. The next minute, he was pushing me away like that far from simple moment never happened. It amazed me how easily he seemed to forget about the strongest moments that happened between us. He treated me like a temporary placement in his life, always there when he needed me but never there when he didn’t seem to care.

In the weeks following the moment in his bedroom, the intimate tension that was bubbling around us turned into a thicker tension far from sensual. He walked by me in the hallways at school like I was someone who hadn’t meant a thing to him. With one look, I could read him like a book. Those eyes held nothing but admiration for the girl on his arm and were empty when they laid upon mine.

“So, how are things?” Mason asked, his voice sounding tired and worn out.

Throughout the beginning of our small conversation, he seemed like he was ready to just hit the sack and call it a night. I tried to push him off the receiver, beg him to get some sleep since he had football practice in the morning. But no matter what I said to him he swore that he was fine and wanted to hear how I was doing.

“Everything’s great, Mace,” I simply said, pressing my cell phone against my ear as I curled up on the window seat in my bedroom.

The window was wide open, letting it the slightly warm air, damp with the storm from earlier in the day. I let the air wash over me, basked in it as I took in as many deep breaths as I could. Nights like these, with the non-perfect weather and the thoughts always swimming around in my head, grounded me to the floor more than Caden ever had. The natural air always reminded me of the simple things I would miss whenever I did decide to give into my thoughts and leave this place for good. It wasn’t Mason always nagging about my ‘feelings’ or Caden wrapping me in his arms.

It was these simple moments.

“Such a liar,” I heard Mason mutter underneath his breath, the agitation clear in his tone.

I could just picture him in his dorm room, running a hand over his face harshly and letting out a frustrated sigh at my words. When he was living at home, it was so much easier for him to make me open up, for sitting at my bedroom door with a foot in the door always seemed potent. Now that he was miles and miles away from me, the most he could do was grin and bare the minimal information I would give him through the phone.

But I knew that if he really could, Mason would be here in a heartbeat if I ever needed him enough. He would drop his football practices and games, cancel his dinner plans with his girlfriend and forgo classes just to be by my side.

The only thing was, I’d never let him stoop to that.

“I am not,” I muttered, playing with a loose string at the end of my leggings. The wind whistled against the window pane as I listened to Mason’s breathing on the other line.

“Can I ask you something, Sadie?” he asked quietly, the seriousness in his voice evident.

“I would say no, but I don’t think that would stop you.”

He laughed lightly. “You’re right.” When his laughter died out, he coughed. “Why is it…” he trailed off. “Why does Caden tell me that you’re doing okay all of the time? Whenever I ask about you, he’s so one-worded and frustrated. It’s not like him to talk to me like that.”