Sadie, Someday...

Chapter 22 - Breaking the Thread

Chapter 22
Breaking the Thread

“You were all the things I thought I knew, And I thought we could be, You were everything, everything that I wanted, We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it, And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away.” ~ My Happy Ending – Avril Lavigne

For the rest of the night, all I could think about was Dr. Griffin’s assignment for me. What it entailed. If it would work. What I should say. But most of all, who it would hurt.

Before I had went off to my session that afternoon, Caden and I had set a date for him to come to my house right afterwards and talk about how it went. He was doing a lot better now, a week after being out of the hospital and already trying to climb my fire escape like the events of two weeks ago hadn’t ever happened. He didn’t care that he was on the verge of death or that he had a hole in his lung that needed to be repaired and ribs that needed to heal.

The doctor told him that he had to be extremely careful, what with a piece of broken bone poking at his lung every so often. But Caden didn’t care. He went about his business, swearing he was doing okay. Although he said this, it wasn’t hard to notice the slight limp in his walk and how he sometimes winced when he was doing too much.

I was dreading the date we had planned, almost willing him to accidentally forget about it and beg to save it for another time. Maybe he was in too much pain to climb the fire escape and shimmy through my window. Or maybe he was too tired, winded from the broken rib and healing hole in his vital organ.

I was pretty much wishing for any reason for him not to show up tonight; anything that didn’t involve him getting hurt or otherwise.

As much as I wished and prayed for my dream to come true, a slight tap-tap noise made me jump in my place as I was sitting on my bed. I wasn’t facing the window, but I knew who was perched on the metal floor and kicking the window with the toe of his combat boots. I hastily took in a much needed breath and clenched my fingers around the edges of the sheets beneath me.

Putting on my bravest face, I got up from my bed and walked towards the window without smiling at him. He hadn’t noticed, too engrossed into his cigarette (again, against the doctor’s better wishes) and lighting it against the harsh wind. Trying and failing multiple times, he finally shook his head and tucked the unused cigarette back into his pack and stuffed it into the back pocket of his skinny jeans.

When I opened the window, he practically threw himself into my window with a slight swing of his body. His large boots made a small thump against the floor, making me automatically still as I waited for someone to hear and shoo him out because it was too late for visitors. When no one said a word, probably too involved in their own actions for the night, I let go of another held-in breath and closed the window, locking it in place against the bitter wind.

“Hey,” Caden greeted me with a boyish grin as I turned around to face him. It didn’t take him long to walk up to me and wrap me in his arms. 

I relished in the warmth, tried to sustain it as long as possible. After this inevitable conversation, I’d have to let him go for a little while, so I could get better and be more qualified as the girlfriend of Caden Grange, the girl I know he deserved. Wrapping my arms tightly around his middle, my head bounced against his warm chest as he chuckled lightly.

“Can’t…breathe…” he mocked me, making me loosen my grip and step back. I wasn’t giggling, but he still hadn’t noticed my straight face I’d been wearing since he came in. “I missed you, babe,” he grinned, leaning in to plant a small kiss on my lips quickly.

I closed my eyes briefly, trying to retain any senses I had left of him. I couldn’t do this, I thought. It’s going to be too hard without him. I already had to imagine a life without him in it, and if this enabler crap was true, I couldn’t bear to live life without him. I wasn’t that strong to do it all on my own. I couldn’t break his heart like this.