𝙁𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝘿𝙖𝙩𝙚 || 𝙨𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙣

30. This isn't just about me

Jihoon

Even before I realize it, my feet are already moving, taking me away from the situation. Chan, Sam, Jun, and Minghao's voices become faint echoes in my ears as I weave through the crowd, my small stature making it easy to disappear. As soon as I exit the bowling alley, I quickly flag down a cab, desperate to escape from this place, them, and most of all, Soonyoung.

The ride to my university takes forty minutes, quite a long time during which I kept silent and devoid of any emotion. I simply sit there, gazing out of the cab's windshield with a vacant expression. The cab driver glances at me curiously through the rearview mirror, but I don't pay him any mind. My thoughts are tangled, and I can't seem to make sense of the emotions swirling inside me.

As I make my way to my studio, the familiar corridors echo with the rhythm of my footsteps, and I suddenly hear my name being called out from behind. I turn my head over my shoulder to see Joshua hyung sprinting towards me, his smile stretching wide and making his bambi eyes disappear into crescents as he slings his arm casually over my shoulder.

"You have been awfully caught up in your assignments," he comments with a playful nudge to my side. His words hit home because it's true; I've been distancing myself a lot in the last month.The reason isn't just the overwhelming pile of assignments, but also my attempts at being a good friend to certain someone and, at times, playing the role of a good fake boyfriend.

Sensing the tension that must be evident on my face, Joshua stops in his tracks, holding me at arm's length to scrutinize my expression. Despite my desire to hide the turmoil within, his concerned gaze leaves me nowhere to retreat. "Are you feeling well?" His eyes linger on my face, concern evident in his voice. Without a second thought, I do what comes to mind, drawing him into a tight embrace. I snuggle my face into the crook of his neck, seeking comfort as a rush of emotions washes over me all at once.

"So, care to tell me what all this is about?" Joshua asks, his eyes as gentle as ever as he takes the empty mug from my hand. He carefully places it down on the coffee table in my studio before his gaze returns to me. His eyes are filled with curiosity and concern, prompting me to open up. Without hesitation, I find myself spilling everything about Soonyoung and how Seungkwan orchestrated this entire situation, leaving me feeling trapped in his mischievous scheme.

"Sounds a lot like Seungkwan," he bellows in laughter, wiping away the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes. I glare at him, and he awkwardly clears his throat before composing himself on the couch, his posture stiffening as he shifts gears. "So, do you like this Soonyoung guy?" he asks, his voice taking on a firm tone that sharply contrasts with the laughter from a moment ago. His intense gaze makes me gulp involuntarily, feeling a sudden pressure under his scrutiny.

"I don't know," I reply honestly, feeling a mix of uncertainty and vulnerability as I utter the words. His gaze softens at my confession, a silent understanding passing between us. Gently, he reaches out and his hand brushes against my face, carefully drawing away the bangs that have fallen over my eyes. As I finally lift my gaze to meet his, I see him smile-it's not the exuberant, dazzling smile like Seokmin's or Soonyoung's, but rather a warm, comforting smile. It's akin to the gentle embrace of the spring sun, melting away the lingering traces of worry and filling me with a sense of peace and reassurance.

"But Jihoon," he calls out, his hands delicately cupping both of my cheeks as he draws me closer, his warm palms pressing gently against my skin."From what you've shared with me, I've got this gut feeling - call it intuition if you will - that this Soonyoung guy might actually have feelings for you." I raise an eyebrow skeptically at him, not convinced by his words in the slightest. Exasperated, he rolls his eyes at me, tightening his grip on my cheeks as if trying to emphasize his point even more.

"Ouch! That really hurts, hyung," I whine, desperately trying to pull away from his grip, but he doesn't budge, continuing to rock my cheeks sideways. "Shut up and listen to me," he scolds, mimicking my whining tone, and I blow out air in exasperation, feeling utterly defeated. "What if he asks you out? Have you thought about it?" My entire body freezes at his words, and my mind races with a whirlwind of emotions and possibilities I hadn't considered before.

That's not possible, right?

He sighs deeply, almost as if he's just read my mind, and says, "Yeah, you haven't." He releases his not so gentle hold on my cheeks, prompting me to quickly rub them in hopes that the ache will dissipate faster. "You can't just say 'yes' and then later realize you don't like him in that way," he continues. I lift my gaze to meet his eyes, but the words I want to say seem to die in the back of my throat. "Think about it," he urges, "it's not just about you; it's also about him." With a gentle, affectionate ruffle of my hair, he stands up, leaving me to ponder his words.

"You're going?" I ask, my voice tinged with unease. He smiles warmly. "Yeah, Seokmin will start to worry about you if I stay here any longer then come here running for you. Besides, I don't think you would like to run into him right now, am I right?" I quickly nod, feeling a wave of relief wash over me. He laughs gently, patting my hair in a comforting gesture before making his way towards the door. Suddenly, he pauses mid-step and glances over his shoulder with a knowing look.

"And remember, don't just avoid that kid. He's probably worried sick about you," he adds with a wink before finally stepping out. As he leaves, I can feel my cheeks flushing with embarrassment, a warmth spreading across my face despite the turmoil inside my heart.

I walk along the sidewalk as the first snow of the year begins to fall. Shivering, I feel the snowflakes snake their way through my jacket, dampening my collarbone. Gripping my jacket tighter, I pull it closer to me and quicken my pace. Earlier, I tried to work on my songs after Joshua hyung left the studio, but somehow, I couldn't concentrate. Frustrated, I decided to leave the studio and go back to my apartment.

I sigh in relief as soon as my apartment complex comes into my view. Without wasting any time, I sprint towards it, desperate to save my head from the flurry of snowflakes swirling in the cold air.Just as I think I'm safe, my steps come to an abrupt halt when my eyes fall upon someone I thought I had successfully evaded-standing right there in front of me is Soonyoung, the guy I ran away from.

My breath hitches painfully in my chest, drumming insistently against my ribs.As he runs his hand through his damp, thick mop of hair, our eyes lock, and I become acutely aware of the intense, heated, unwavering gaze he has fixed on me. Meanwhile, my mind replays the conversation with Joshua hyung, his words echoing like a distant but relentless drumbeat and I find myself drawing in the chaotic swirl of my emotions.