RAISING SUMMER

I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN YOU

Luke's hands traveled along my waist. My head swam dizzy off the high of his touch, his kiss. This wasn't the kiss he gave me months ago. This was different. Filled with temptation, longing and desperation. My hands wrapped in his shirt, my blood warmed in answer. My body hummed in delight. This was all I've ever wanted. I wonder if he knew that. If he felt the same. Breathless, we cling to each other in new exploration. My hand wrapped behind his neck. Tangling in his hair.

Would he kiss me forever, just like this?

There was no excuse, no reason, this was unprompted, this was just giving in to the desire that had been building for years. Did this mean he felt the same? All this time? Or was it just because we were raising Summer together. Rachel, my best friend. I pulled away catching my breath.

"Jane?" Luke asked, a bit breathless.

"We can't." I shook my head.

"What do you mean?" He stammered.

"Rachel, Summer there are so many reasons." I got up from the lazy Susan.

"Jane, Rachel's gone." His hand caught my arm.

"Doesn't this feel wrong?" I wrapped my arms around myself. "I mean we can't even ask her."

"Jane, Rachel and you were inseparable for years. Do you really think she would deny you anything if it meant your happiness?"

"No, but that doesn't stop the feeling of guilt I have every time we get close." I sighed, rubbing my arms to stave off the chill. "What about Summer, we are all she has left, what if we start something and it goes to shit. Or.." All these questions rattled from my lips as fast as they moved through my thoughts. A stray tear fell from my cheek.

"But what if we work?" He took my hands. "Jane, I have thought about kissing you like that ever since I can remember. No excuses, no holding back, I wanted to give in to the what ifs, for only a moment. Don't try to brush it off like you haven't had the same thoughts. I know you. I've always known you." He tilted my chin up to look at him.

"I.."

"I loved Rachel too and I'm going to tell you exactly what she would have told you. Focus on what you want for a change. You do and do for everyone else and you can't for a second choose something that you want for yourself. Living for everyone else isn't living." He sighed softly. "You deserve to live, for you."

"What if it doesn't work there's too much at stake."

"Jane we have made it through a lot, I'm not asking for a lot, just slowly try." He rubbed soothing circles on the back of my hand. Closing my eyes I focused on rhythm.

"This is crazy." I shook my head.

"Don't we owe it to ourselves to try?" His emerald eyes bore into mine, a sincerity I had rarely seen from him.

Slow. Maybe I could try. I sighed, dropping my head to his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. Placing his chin on top of my head softly.

"Okay." I smiled. I'll try. My body was still buzzing from the effects of the night. As I closed my eyes in a silent prayer that Rachel would forgive me wherever she was. Hoping that if we started down this path that I wouldn't destroy the life of the one person I loved the most. Summer.