The Lies You Told Me

Chapter 28

Katana's POV

I hated staying in the apartment with him. I hated our awkward encounters, just standing there in silence. I hated that I still thought about him, all the time. I hated him, so much. 

When I woke up the morning after our date, I was still shaking, sweating and crying. Yelena was sat next to me, stroking my hair, and after a moment's panic, I curled up into a ball next to her, taking comfort in her hug. I softly sobbed into her shoulder, still shaken up by what happened last night.

After a while, I eventually sat up, and faced Yelena. She started to re-sew the cut on my neck, after Dante had ripped the stitches.

“Where… Where is Kai?” 

She sighed and gave me a hug before replying.

“He’s in the other room. But he won’t be coming in here, and you don’t have to go out unless you want to.”

I nodded, and stayed there, in Yelena’s arms for ages, until she’d finished the stitches. By the time I got up, it was past lunch time. Yelena offered to get me lunch, but I declined. I really wasn't hungry. I eventually laid down, and began to read Jane Eyre. I would have carried on with pride and prejudice, but, stupidly, I'd given it to Kai before we left last night.

I spent the next few days mostly hidden in my room. I couldn't face going out. The few times I did to go to the bathroom, I saw Kai and flinched, thinking of what he'd done.

 Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Kai, pulling my dress off. Whenever I saw him, all I could see was Robert, and I wanted to scream, and run away. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror, all I saw was the victim Robert had turned me into. 

Eventually, on Sunday, I finally left my room. I decided I should probably shower, and actually have something to eat. I hadn't eaten much more than the few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches Yelena had forced me to eat. I pulled on a baggy hoodie, and quietly walked out of my room. Kai wasn't around, so I grabbed the bowl of pesto pasta that Yelena had left out for me, before sitting down on the couch in front of the TV. I had a big fluffy blanket draped over the back of the couch, so I picked it up, and wrapped it around myself. It felt warm and safe, and it reminded me of Kai's hugs. I flinched as I thought about him - I hated that he was the first person I thought of.

I scrolled through Netflix, and eventually chose to watch The Umbrella Academy. I stayed there for most of the afternoon. 

Around 5pm, I heard the door open, and watched as Kai walked through, carrying a bag of shopping. He was on the phone, and I overheard his side of a brief conversation.

“Yeah, I know I fucked up. I’ll fix it. It’ll still work.” He whispered into the phone, before he noticed me, and abruptly ended the call.

“It… It was my mum.” He said, avoiding my stare. I didn’t say anything, and just turned away.

I pulled my blanket tighter around me, and watched Kai out of the corner of my eye, whilst still watching TV. He began to unpack his bag, and as the episode I was watching finished, I went and took a shower. I hadn’t washed since Thursday, and I felt disgusting.

I pulled off my clothes and hugged my body, trying to hide it. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror – it made me flinch every time I saw myself. 

I stared in disgust at myself. How had I let myself get attached to Kai? He was just like all the other shitty men in my family. That night, I was just the helpless little girl that I was when I was with Robert. As looked at my reflection, I hated myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the inky head of an eagle wrapping around my arm – our family’s insignia. I’d got it when I was just 7, after my first kill. I remember feeling so proud when I got it – I felt like I was finally worthy of my father’s love. I wasn’t, of course, but I could pretend. But now that tattoo felt like an inky stain on my arm, like something I didn’t belong to, a family that didn’t love me,  and I wanted more than anything to rip it off. 

As I stared at it, I felt a sudden wave of recognition. Like I’d seen it somewhere else. I shook the image out of my head, before quickly turning away from the mirror and turned on the shower. I sat on the floor, and felt the hot water burning my back. It felt like daggers hitting my back, and made me think back to my fights with Dante. I felt a tear roll down my chin, and wiped it away, trying to convince myself it was just the shower. But they kept coming, and eventually I had to admit to myself that it wasn’t just the shower. I bit my lip, and dug my nails into my arm to try and stop the waterfalls coming out of my eyes. Once they’d slowed down, I carefully stood up, and quickly washed myself. My hair was a mess, but that wasn’t my biggest worry at the moment. I briefly rinsed it, before getting out, and tying it up in a messy bun. I pulled on my clothes, before going back into my room.

As I walked into my bedroom, I saw something on my table. I walked over, and picked it up, and saw that it was the newest Arctic Monkeys CD. There was a little note stuck to it.

" 'Somebody told the stars you're not coming out tonight

And so they found a place to hide' - Black Treacle, Arctic Monkeys.

I want to see my banana under the stars again."

I smiled to myself, and unconsciously reached up to touch the necklace Kai had given me. I still had it on - it hadn't left my neck since he put it on me. It was resting on my collarbone, cold and heavy. I tugged it, letting the chain dig into my neck, before walking over to my CD player, and playing the Arctic Monkeys CD.