Rediscovering You

nineteen

19th April 2023 – one year and twelve weeks old.

She can hear the crowd as she goes down, shouts of 'get up' fill her ears as she waves her hand in the air before burying her face in her arms. Almost immediately Lia and Katie Zelem are by her side, crouching down beside her as Katie reaches for her hand.

'Hey, what's happened? What hurts?' Katie asks softly as Lia crouches behind her.

'It's my knee.' Leah replies and Lia can immediately hear the fear in her voice.

'I-I felt it pop; it's my ACL. I've done my ACL.' Leah says shaking her hand as Katie reaches for her hand.

'You don't know that... You might just have put your foot down funny, maybe your knee has popped out. It might not be as serious as an ACL.' Katie replies and immediately Lia is signalling to the bench that they need to sub the blonde off as the medics rush on.

'What's happened, babe?' Imogen asks as she drops down onto her knees at the blonde's head.

'I've done my ACL.' Leah almost whispers, the reality slowly dawning on her that the next nine months are going to be hell.

'Fuck.' Imogen says softly as she runs her fingers through the blonde's ponytail, more intent on comforting the blonde than paying attention to the fact the entire crowd is focused on them. The physios carry out all the tests they need to do and get Leah up onto her feet because there is no way she is leaving this stadium on a stretcher when she can walk. She holds it together, barely, as she leaves the pitch until she's finally greeted by Kim in the tunnel.

'Lean on me... I've got ya.' Kim says softly as she wraps her arm around the blonde's waist. She drapes her arm over the Scot's shoulder and lets out a shaky breath as she shakes her head.

'How am I going to look after Rory?' Leah almost whispers.

'Look, we don't know the extent of the injury yet.' Kim says and the blonde shakes her head.

'It's my ACL, Kim. I know it is. I felt the pop that both Beth and Viv described, the pain and then almost nothing? I just-I know that's what it is.' Leah replies.

'Okay, well if it does turn out to be that then there are so many people here who are more than willing to help out with Rory and with you. You are not on your own in this. We will never let you go through this on your own.' Kim says sighing as tears stream down the blonde's cheeks.

'Whatever this is, we've got you and we've got Rory as well.' Kim continues as she gently squeezes the blonde's waist.

****

'Hey...' Lia says softly as she slides into a seat next to the blonde who is staring out the window with tears streaming down her cheeks. They're around an hour into their journey back to London and Leah has almost hidden herself away at the back of the bus prior to the rest of the team even finishing getting ready after the game. They've tried to give her space and not come across like they're suffocating her but they also want to make sure she knows that they are there if she needs them.

'Hi.' Leah replies tearfully.

'Come here, you.' Lia says wrapping her arm around the blonde and pulling her into her side, being cautious of her injured knee.

'Rory's going to need to move in with my mum... I can't run around after her when I only have one good leg.' Leah cries.

'No she doesn't. We'll make this work, Le. I can move in with you for the first few weeks or months, however long you need me. I can look after both you and Rory until you're in a position to be living on your own again.' Lia says.

'I can't ask you to do that.' Leah replies shaking her head.

'At what point have you asked me to do anything, Le? I'm telling you what's going to happen because I know that you would do the exact same thing for me, okay? Rory needs her mama and you need Rory to get yourself through this.' Lia says as the blonde sniffles.

'Are you going to stay at your mum's tonight?' Lia asks and the blonde shakes her head.

'She's going straight to mine with Rory.' Leah replies causing the blonde to smile slightly.

'Okay. As long as you're not going to be on your own. I will get my stuff together and I'll be at yours tomorrow morning, okay? I can sleep on the sofa.' Lia says. A comfortable silence falls over them aside from the blonde's occasional sniffles as her head remains in its position on Lia's chest.

'I can go back to the others and give you peace and quiet back if you want? Or I could get you Imogen if you'd prefer her?' Lia offers and the blonde sighs.

'C-Could you just stay? I know it's probably not fun being back here with me so I completely understand if you want to go back but I just- I don't know.' Leah almost whispers, her voice becoming thick with tears as she reaches up to wipe her cheeks.

'I've got you. I'm not going anywhere.' Lia says tightening her arm around the blonde.

****

'How you doing, baba?' Amanda asks softly, her fingers running through Leah's hair as her head rests on her knee, bringing back memories of when the blonde was a child.

'I'm okay.' Leah almost whispers.

'Are you in pain?' Amanda asks and Leah shakes her head.

'I just feel- I don't know. I feel almost numb. Does that sound really stupid?' Leah says quietly.

'You've just gone through something so major in your life, in your career... You'll need some time to process this all and come to terms with it. This isn't going to be a quick fix and you know that; the rest of the season, champions league, the world cup. Everything you were looking forward to; it'll take some time to get over that.' Amanda replies.

'I've watched so many people go through this, I've seen how hard it is physically and mentally... I don't know if I'm ready to do it all.' Leah admits biting her bottom lip.

'You are one of the strongest people I know and no, it isn't going to be easy but you are going to come out of this ten times stronger. You are going to have a new found purpose and appreciation for everything, for the game, for your body...' Amanda says and Leah nods her head.

'But for now? Now you don't have to see the positives in any of this. You can feel angry at the world, you can scream and you can shout and you can cry if that is what you need to do right now... Just maybe scream quietly otherwise you'll wake Rory up.' Amanda adds causing Leah to laugh slightly.

'Can you pass me my phone?' Leah asks softly at her phone lights up on the coffee table. Leaning forward, Amanda grabs the phone before handing it to the blonde.

'Just Beth and Imogen...' Leah says softly as she flicks through the unread messages.

'I'll reply to them in the morning. My head just ain't in it tonight.' Leah admits and Amanda nods her head.

'Focus on you tonight. The rest of the world can wait until you're ready.' Amanda says.