Rediscovering You

forty-four

note: chapter contains talk of suicide.

25th December 2023 - one year and forty-eight weeks old.

'Where you going?' Leah mumbles groggily as she tightens her arms around the brunette who is attempting to slip out of her embrace.

'Rory's awake.' Imogen replies, her voice hoarse as Leah loosens her arms.

'Oh... I can get her. You stay in bed.' Leah says pushing herself into a sitting position. She glances at the monitor where the little girl is beginning to pull herself up in the cot.

'Once I've got her up, I'll phone my mum and let her know we're just going to stay here today.' Leah says softly as she glances at the brunette who's eyes are red and sore looking from the amount of crying she's done throughout the night.

'What? Why?' Imogen asks.

'Because you're upset, Ims. You've barely slept and I don't imagine you want to spend the day around my crazy family.' Leah replies shaking her head.

'I think that's exactly what I want, actually... I don't want to let this ruin our Christmas, ruin Rory's Christmas... I couldn't care less that he's dead, I'm not upset about that. I'm hurt that my mum is blaming me and Mia for ruining his life. I think the best way to deal with that hurt is to surround myself with people who do want me around and your mum always makes me feel like she wants me there.' Imogen says.

'Only if you're sure... I don't want you doing this just because you think you have to. I don't mind staying home this year; me, you and Roo could just have a low-key Christmas.' Leah says.

'I want to still go to your family, Le... Now why don't you go get that sweet girl so we can go see what Santa brought?' Imogen says smiling at the blonde.

'I love you.' Leah almost whispers as she leans forward to press her lips against the brunette's.

'I love you too.' Imogen replies smiling into the kiss.

****

'If at any point you want to go home, just tell me and we'll leave, okay? We don't have to spend all day here?' Leah says reaching over the centre console to gently squeeze the brunette's hand.

'Mm-hmm... I'm okay, I promise.' Imogen replies nodding her head slightly. They'd had a slow morning, watching Rory open her presents and opening their presents from each other.

'What you wanting to grab? Roo or the presents?' Leah asks causing Imogen to smile as she glances back at the sleeping toddler in her carseat.

'Rory.' Imogen replies softly. Nodding her head, Leah gets out the car and watches the brunette do the same. She makes her way around to the boot of the car while Imogen opens the back door.

'Hey, sleepyhead... We're here. You ready for some Christmas lunch and lots more presents?' Imogen says as she carefully begins to loosen the straps on Rory's carseat.

'Mimi...' Rory mumbles sleepily causing Imogen to smile.

'I'm right here, sweetheart. Come on, I've got ya.' Imogen says lifting the toddler into her arms. She closes the car door as Rory cuddles into her shoulder and the blonde closes the boot, locking the car and smiling as they begin to make their way towards the front door which opens to reveal the red-head standing with a smile on her face.

'Merry Christmas!' Amanda says.

'Merry Christmas.' Leah and Imogen say in unison. The blonde uses her free arm to wrap around her mum before Imogen does the same and they make their way onto the house where the rest of the family are gathered.

****

'She okay?' Amanda asks softly as she gestures to the brunette who is sitting cross-legged on the floor with Rory and Jacob.

'Mm... Not particularly but she was determined to come today. I told her we could stay at home today, but she said that you make her feel wanted and that's what she needed today I think.' Leah replies.

'She's always wanted here... She's part of the family now, baba.' Amanda says and Leah nods her head.

'I really love the way you've all taken her in and made her part of the family.' Leah replies softly.

'Well you love her and Rory loves her... Truthfully, it's hard not to love her.' Amanda says and Leah nods her head.

'I'm gonna ask her to marry me.' Leah says.

'Y-You are?' Amanda asks.

'Mm... I've got a ring. I spent some time with a jewellers in Hatton Garden designing it and then I picked it up a couple days ago. I just- I'm not sure when I'm going to do it but I'm going to do it.' Leah replies.

'How exciting... Oh she'll be over the moon, Leah.' Amanda says and Leah nods her head.

'Hopefully.' Leah replies. She watches as Imogen laughs at something Jacob has said as Rory climbs up onto her lap and drops her head to rest against her chest.

'Was Rory up early this morning?' Amanda asks.

'Not really... I think it's just a lot of excitement and then she didn't really get much of a nap on the way here.' Leah replies and Amanda nods her head.

'The travel cot is still set up upstairs if you were wanting to go put her down for a little bit.' Amanda says as Leah watches the brunette gently running her hand up and down the toddler's back.

'Nah, she's fine just now.' Leah replies.

****

'You okay?' Leah asks softly, her arms wrapping around the brunette who's entire body relaxes against the blonde.

'Mm...' Imogen mumbles burying her face in the crook of the blonde's neck as they stand in the middle of the kitchen.

'Do you want to go home?' Leah asks softly.

'No, I just need a minute.' Imogen replies and Leah nods her head. They stand in a comfortable silence, the blonde gently swaying them from side to side in time with the music softly playing in the living room where the rest of the family are.

'I've had a good day... I think I needed this today.' Imogen says softly as she remains wrapped in the blonde's arms.

'Yeah? I'm glad you've had a good day, Ims. We can go home at any point though, I want you to know that it's not going to bother me if you want to go home and cuddle up on the sofa.' Leah says.

'I know, but I'm okay I promise.' Imogen replies feeling the blonde press a kiss to the top of her head.

'It's okay if you're not, you know? Being upset doesn't take away from what he put you through.' Leah says and Imogen nods her head.

'I know.' Imogen replies quietly.

'Are you- Oh sorry.' Amanda says as she makes her way into the kitchen.

'It's okay... I was just having a bit of a moment.' Imogen replies pulling away from the blonde slightly and reaching up to wipe her cheeks.

'Are you okay, sweetheart? It's quite upstairs if you were wanting somewhere a bit more private.' Amanda says closing the kitchen door.

'My brother killed himself and my mum blames me because he was in prison because of me and he didn't get parole because of me...' Imogen almost whispers.

'Oh, lovey...' Amanda says and almost instantly the brunette is transferred from Leah arms into the red-head's tight embrace.

'It's not fair on your mum to put that blame on you. I obviously don't know the circumstances surrounding it but I know that it's not fair and I'm sure its certainly not your fault.' Amanda says softly. Imogen's  entire body tenses for a moment before it all comes crashing down and she finds herself sobbing into Amanda's shoulder.

'I-I'm sorry.' Imogen mumbles as she attempts to pull herself together.

'Nothing to apologise for. I've got you, lovey. You're safe here.' Amanda says keeping her arms tightly around the brunette as Leah watches on, tears filling her eyes as she bites her bottom lip.

'You're always safe with us.' Amanda says.