Rediscovering You

twenty

21st April 2023 - one year and twelve weeks old.

The number of unread texts on her phone goes well into double figures, not to mention the notifications that await her on social media when she finally decides to venture back on there again but she just can't bring herself to respond to anyone. She's spent the past two days going back and forth from hospital getting scans and having the dreaded injury confirmed while trying to process and come to terms with her new reality. Aside from Lia, Kim and her mum, she's mostly hidden herself away in her apartment with Rory. She knows the girls have reached out, both from club and country, but she's barely been on her phone instead opting to cuddle with Rory and spend as much time as she can with her little girl.

'Le... Imogen was just on the phone. She was wondering if you're feeling up for any visitors?' Lia says softly as she makes her way into the bedroom.

'No, not today...' Leah replies shaking her head as she lies in bed.

'Not even just Imogen? I thought you guys were getting back to a good place. Don't push her away.' Lia says sitting down on the edge of the bed.

'I don't want to see anyone. I don't want anyone coming over.' Leah replies.

'You've let Kim come over though.' Lia says causing the blonde to sigh.

'Because Kim will just be there. I don't feel like I need to constantly be talking. We can just sit and watch tv or she'll read her book. There's no pressure to function like a normal human.' Leah replies.

'Okay. I'll let her know that you need a few more days.' Lia says and the blonde nods her head.

'Thanks, Wally... Where's Rory? Is she okay?' Leah asks.

'Mm-hmm... I've put her down for a nap so she's absolutely fine. I was just going to make us some lunch; what do you fancy?' Lia asks and the blonde shrugs her shoulders.

'Don't know. Not really that hungry.' Leah replies.

'I'll see what I can rustle up.' Lia says softly.

****

'Has anyone heard from Leah?' Katie asks glancing around the room at the rest of her teammates who have come out for dinner.

'I spoke to Wally earlier... She said she's not doing too well. She didn't want any visitors for at least another few days.' Imogen replies quietly.

'She's not even letting you visit her?' Caitlin asks and Imogen shakes her head.

'Nope. I've not seen her since we got off the bus after the game, but I haven't even spoken to her actually.' Imogen replies.

'Fuck... She must be in a bad place if she's not even talking to you. Is Wally staying with her, do we know? Is she back staying at her mum's?' Katie asks.

'Wally's moved in with her to help out with Rory... I think she just needs some time guys. This is a huge injury that's taking her out of the World Cup, something that she was solooking forward to.' Jen says.

'But it is strange that she's blocking us all out, don't you think? Everyone I know who's picked up a big injury has said the thing that got them through is the people around them but she's not letting any of us in.' Katie replies and Jen nods her head.

'Not everyone is the same, Katie. I know we all want to be there for her like we've been there for Beth and Viv but I think what we also need to remember is that this is very raw. It only happened a couple of days ago. She's going through all the emotions right now and facing surgery which is scary for any of us but she's got Rory to think about now as well.' Jen says.

'So we just wait it out? Wait until she's ready to come to us?' Caitlin asks and Jen sighs.

'Unfortunately, yeah that's all we can do. Obviously it's different with you, Imogen. You guys have a different relationship than the rest of us so she might come to you before she comes to us but I'd just keep in mind that she's not intentionally pushing anyone away. She's just struggling.' Jen replies.

'I'm here whenever she's ready... I'm not going anywhere.' Imogen replies.

****

'I'm scared.' Leah admits, tears streaming down her cheeks as Kim wraps her arms around her.

'Scared of what, Le?' Kim asks.

'I don't know. I just-The thought of going for surgery is terrifying, what if something goes wrong? What happens to Rory then?' Leah almost whispers.

'Surgery is scary. It's absolutely scary to be in a position where you can't do anything about it but the likelihood of something going wrong is so low, Le. They'll be able to talk you through all the risks and stuff nearer the time but you're going to be absolutely fine.' Kim says.

'Promise me something... If anything were to happen to me, anything at all, please still be in Rory's life? I want her to have strong role models like you and Wally.' Leah says.

'Nothing is going to happen to you but I promise that I will always be in Rory's life and you know Wally will as well.' Kim replies softly.

'Everyone's worried about you... You've went sort of radio silent on everyone. I've had Beth on the phone every day to see how you're doing.' Kim says.

'I just- What am I supposed to say to people? They keep asking if I'm okay and honestly? No, no I'm fucking not okay but I can't just say that to them... With you I don't feel like I need to pretend or act normal.' Leah replies.

'Did Beth pretend or act normal when she first did her ACL?' Kim asks and Leah shakes her head.

'Then why do you think she would expect you to do it? Beth and Viv are the two people who know exactly what you're going through.' Kim says.

'Maybe tomorrow.' Leah replies quietly.

'And what about Imogen? As your partner she should be someone you're leaning on? You guys are meant to lean on each other, that's how a relationship works. Do you remember how you helped Jordan?' Kim says.

'I don't want to scare her away. Our relationship isn't strong enough to deal with this kind of thing.' Leah replies shaking her head.

'You don't know that, Le.' Kim says.

'Look what happened last time something bad happened for one of us? We didn't speak for months and I ended up in a really shitty place for a while.' Leah replies.

'Is that why you're pushing her away? Because you're scared what it'll do to you guys?' Kim asks and Leah shrugs her shoulders.

'I also just-She didn't trust me enough to be there for her when she needed help so why should I trust her? How can I trust that she's not going to disappear again?' Leah asks.

'Because she loves you, Le. You guys had your little blip but she was in a really dark place. She'll want to be there for you.' Kim replies softly.

'Not today.' Leah says and Kim nods her head.

'Not today. When you're ready.' Kim replies.