Rediscovering You

twenty-eight

note: I won't lie, this isn't my favourite chapter. In fact it didn't necessarily turn out the way I wanted it to. I hope you guys get the idea of what I was doing and trying to explain but it just wasn't turning out so I apologise in advance. We will delve further into Leah's issues throughout both the remainder of this book and the next book.

14th June 2023 – one year and twenty weeks old.

'I don't know if I ever want to be pregnant again.' Leah admits, her words slurred and her eyes clouded as she sways slightly while clutching the double vodka coke. Immediately, Imogen reaches out to steady the blonde as her concern shows on her face.

'What? What makes you say that, love? I thought you enjoyed being pregnant?' Imogen says, aware that both of them are slightly drunker than they potentially should be when they're having a conversation which appears to be relatively serious.

'Being pregnant was fun. I loved that part, postpartum was shitty... I just didn't realise how shitty until you went MIA on me.' Leah replies, her hand resting on her chest as she hiccups.

'Le, I don't quite know what you're talking about... I'm gonna need more information, love.' Imogen says watching as Leah throws her head back and laughs.

'Of course you don't... You weren't there.' Leah replies laughing as she shakes her head. Taking a deep breath, Imogen sighs as her thumb gently brushes across the skin of the blonde's hip where her shirt has risen slightly.

'Le, I'm sorry about that. You know that I wish things could have been so different.' Imogen says.

'I don't hold it against you I just-' Leah replies, stopping to take a sip of her drink.

'Kinda sounds like you do, love.' Imogen says and Leah shakes her head.

'I just- Postpartum was a bitch and I didn't realise I was struggling until you weren't there. I thought I was doing fine, I thought that I was sailing through it with nothing but a bit of tiredness but I nitjust- The dread, the fear, the panic attacks... They all started when you weren't around.' Leah begins to explain.

'I'm not saying it was your fault because it wasn't. T-They said it was postpartum depression and anxiety that had been slowly building since the day she was born. I was just so overwhelmed. I just wanted to be a good mum and I was so convinced that I wasn't. That she was going to grow up thinking I loved football more than I loved her.' Leah continues, tears filling her eyes.

'I uh- There were so many days that first month or so that I got myself ready, got her all ready and then couldn't bring myself to leave the house. I constantly felt like I had something just sitting on my chest, constantly weighing me down.' Leah says as Imogen takes a deep breath and reaches for the blonde's hand.

'I had no idea, love. I'm sorry I wasn't there.' Imogen almost whispers and the blonde shakes her head.

'It wasn't your fault. You were struggling too, weren't you? We were both just struggling and how can we help each other when we're both struggling.' Leah mumbles. A heavy silence falls between the pair as the blonde downs the rest of her drink before grabbing the brunette's hand.

'C-Can we go home?' Leah asks quietly and Imogen nods her head.

'Let me go let the others know we're leaving and we'll go, okay?' Imogen replies.

'Mm-hmm...' Leah says quietly.

****

'I-I don't blame you, you know? I just thought that maybe you should know what I went through, where my head is at...' Leah says glancing up at Imogen who is changing into her pyjamas.

'I'm glad you told me, Le. I want to be here for you whenever you need me, just like you are for me, and to do that I need to know what's going on in that head of yours.' Imogen replies as she climbs into bed next to the blonde who sighs.

'I just- I literally had just began to get my love back for the game and then I did my ACL.' Leah says rolling into the brunette's side.

'I'm sorry, love... I want you to know that there is absolutely no pressure on you to get pregnant again. I want to have kids with you, I want to have all the kids with you actually but I don't mind carrying them if it's something you don't want to go through again. However, if you do want to go through it and you wanted to get pregnant, I want you to know that I'd absolutely be by your side throughout it all.' Imogen says, her thumb brushing against the blonde's skin as she talks softly.

'I'd help you through any struggles you had, anything you needed. I just- I love you so much, Le. I would have your babies in a heartbeat right now if I could. I want a family with you. I want the whole kids and a dog and the white picket fence in the garden... I want you to be my wife.' Imogen continues, reaching down to gently tuck some hair behind the blonde's ear. A small smile appears on her face as she takes in the sight of the blonde, eyes closed and mouth slightly open as she snores softly, her head resting on Imogen's chest.

'And you didn't hear a word of that, did you?' Imogen says laughing slightly. Kissing the top of Leah's head, Imogen adjusts the covers over the both of them and settles down for the night having gained a little bit of an insight into what was going on when they were apart for five months.