Rediscovering You

twenty-two

25th April 2023 - one year and thirteen weeks old.

'You okay?' Lia asks softly as she places the blonde's bag down in the changing room and glances at Leah who's got a small smile on her face.

'Mm-hmm... I was fine to carry my own bag, you know?' Leah replies.

'I told you I'd look after you and I meant it. Now what do you need me to do just now?' Lia asks and the blonde shakes her head.

'Nothing. Absolutely nothing, I'm fine from here. I promise.' Leah replies smiling as she sits down on a bench, only glancing up as the door to the dressing room opens and groups of the girls begin to filter in. They've already been pre-warned by both Kim and Beth, to not swarm the blonde and to give her some space to adjust on her first day back in the training centre since her injury.

'How are you doing?' Jen asks softly and Leah nods her head.

'Mm... I'm okay. I uh- I know I've went a bit silent on you all and I really do appreciate the amount of times you guys reached out but if I'm being honest, I just wasn't in the headspace to speak to anyone. I just needed to work through everything in my head before I could begin to let anyone else in.' Leah admits.

'We understand, Leah. We just wanted you to know we were here when you needed us.' Caitlin says and Leah nods her head.

'I appreciate it.' She replies softly, her attention turning to the door where the brunette is making her way into the changing room.

'Le...' Imogen almost whispers. Taking a deep breath, Leah runs her tongue over her bottom lip as she smiles slightly and stands up.

'Hi.' Leah says softly.

'Why don't we go give you guys some space to chat.' Kim says quietly as she begins to usher the rest of the team back out of the changing rooms.

'You okay?' Lia asks softly as she gently squeezes the blonde's hand.

'I'll be fine, Wally.' Leah replies nodding her head.

'How are you feeling?' Imogen asks quietly as the changing room door closes leaving just the two of them.

'I uh-' Leah begins, tears filling her eyes as she lets out a shaky breath and shakes her head.

'I'm sorry I didn't answer your texts.' Leah almost whispers as one hand reaching up to wipe a falling tear.

'Come here, you.' Imogen says softly as she rushes towards the blonde and immediately wraps her in her arms. She feels the blonde almost instantly sink into her embrace, her face tucking into the crook of her neck as she tightly clutches her training shirt.

'I've got you. I've always got you.' Imogen whispers.

****

'I think we need to start communicating better with each other if this is going to work.' Imogen says softly, Leah tucked into her side as they sit in the medical room with the blonde hooked up to the compression machine.

'I was angry. Angry at the world, angry at my body, angry at you.' Leah replies, the last part coming out as a whisper as she feels the brunette take a sharp intake of breath.

'Okay.' Imogen says quietly.

'I mean I just- I'm not really angry at you, not anymore. I don't know if I was ever really angry at you or whether it was just somewhere for me to place my anger that wasn't the world or my knee.' Leah begins to explain.

'You don't have to explain, Le.' Imogen says and the blonde shakes her head.

'You're right, we need to start communicating with each other.' Leah replies.

'I think- Well I know we were moving on and we were in a relatively good place but I think I was still holding a lot of hurt, a lot of angry towards the way you messaged me telling me you still loved me and then didn't answer any of my calls or texts. I know it's selfish because you were struggling with stuff but that's how I felt.' Leah admits.

'It was wrong of me to tell you I still loved you and continue to push you away. It wasn't fair on you.' Imogen says.

'While I was taking some time away from everything, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD... Originally doctors believed it was just depression but I was regularly speaking to a therapist that Jonas arranged and it was through her that I was diagnosed with complex PTSD.' Imogen explains.

'I-What is that?' Leah asks.

'It's a mental health condition that tends to be caused by the exposure to long-term trauma.' Imogen replies.

'Everything that happened to you when you were a child?' Leah says quietly and Imogen nods her head.

'I'm still a mess, Le. I know I'm back and I am so much better than I was but I'm still a mess.' Imogen admits.

'Can we be messes together? I'm currently one knee down and I cry at the drop of a hat... I miss you, Ims.' Leah almost whispers and the brunette immediately tightens her arms around her.

'There's no one else I'd rather be a mess with.' Imogen replies smiling slightly.

****

'Have they said anything about your surgery?' Imogen asks, her arms wrapped around Leah's waist as the blonde leans back in her arms. Leah has popped home to pick up some fresh clothes and other bits she needs while Imogen is over to help the blonde out.

'Hopefully next month. We need to work on getting the swelling down before we can do the surgery but it's already come down a ton.' Leah replies and Imogen nods her head.

'I can't even imagine what you're going through, Le. So close to the world cup as well, at least Beth and Viv have had a few months to process it before having to accept they won't make the world cup.' Imogen says.

'Mm... It's funny because you hear people's first thoughts when these happen and I always assumed mine would be the world cup or champions league but honestly? Mine wasn't even to do with football. I just kept thinking about Rory.' Leah admits.

'I think it all depends on the person's situation, doesn't it? Look at Viv, hers was that she wasn't going to be able to drive Beth home for Christmas. Rory is your main priority now so it's understandable that your first thought was going to be about her and her wellbeing.' Imogen says.

'Can I ask why you didn't play the other night? Did you feel ill?' Leah asks softly.

'Not exactly... I hadn't been sleeping properly, my dad had tried to get in contact and I was just struggling.' Imogen admits.

'Oh...' Leah almost whispers.

'I'm okay now. I promise I'll tell you everything but just now can I just enjoy having you back in my arms?' Imogen says and Leah nods her head.

'Mm-hmm...' The blonde replies, her hands resting on top of Imogen's as she closes her eyes. A comfortable silence falls over them as they continue lying on the sofa wrapped up in each other's arms.

'Do you think we can make this work?' Leah asks quietly.

'I'd like to hope we can... I'm willing to give it my best shot though.' Imogen replies.

'Keep it between us for now? Well and Wally obviously... I don't mind if you tell Steph as well.' Leah says and Imogen nods her head.

'Yeah, between us.' Imogen replies.