My Mother's Secret - A Sequel To The Summer of 1993

Happy Easter

     We had Easter at my teenage home.   It was full of angst. It was full of sadness. We all went to the church in the center of the addition.   It was Westwood Methodist.  It was a small church.  It was dying since the 1990s, since the rise of those rock concert churches with a. Praise band.  When mom went there as a child he said there was no room in the pews.  I went there every Sunday with the baby.  The seventy and up crowd LOVED little Bobby and mom went there as well, probably for forgiveness but I think God would give her grace.   He was drunk and annoying when I picked him up yesterday, got on me about being a "slob" "like my mom".  I worked forty hours a week and Sam was back to work.  Sorry I am not white carpets and fine furniture like Mary, but she married a lawyer. There was no room for us at Mary's so,we went to his parents' house in The Falls.

It was a good Easter. We all loved our baskets. Dad thought they were "corny" but mom's baskets were good and she spent money from the heart on them. We went to see my parents. They loved little Bobby. We had a good day. Then I dropped the bomb. I was going to dinner with mom on Tuesday at 6:30.

"Hey, I want to go over some things with you."
"Like what?"
"Just a couple of mom things." She looked relieved. I was going to grill her.

I talked to my dad. He was talking about how his parents never want him and he is all alone. However, he said our house was a "hovel" and would never invite his parents over.

Sam's family had a cabin on a country road. They were outdoors people. They were homesteaders. They loved as much as they could off of the grid.  Their house was always cold.   On the way to their home, he asked how today went. I said, "Okay." "There is guilt because even though he did a crappy job, Steve did raise me."::Sam understood. Sam was sweet. He was my high school boyfriend. Same with Jackie and her boyfriend, Steve was getting a divorce and mom was a single mom. They had no money. He had a drinking problem and no ambition. He got mom pregnant. The first time that baby was aborted and the second, I was wearing a cream dress with hair piled on my head, but I got a baby sister. At his parents, I always felt the love. Even though their house smelled like kerosene and we had to drink kefir, there was always love there....

And, when I looked at my phone, I got a "Happy Easter"from Christi. She told me, "I am just waiting for the right time to tell him. He has a tour and trial. Plus he is shooting a movie.  Be patient."  The ball was rolling. I was nervous. Sam asked me about that before bed. I was brushing my teeth.

"Your dad asked if you were frigid." He said.
"What did you say?"
"I changed the subject. I didn't tell him we did it at four weeks instead of three months like your mom."
"Look, Steve is different from you."
"I hope so."
"I am glad you don't drink."
"Doesn't Johnny smoke the dope?"
"Yeah, but I want to meet him."
"Why? It seems it will hurt your mom."
"I want to know."
"Can't fault you for that. I am sure all your life, you felt like a misfit."
"Yes."

He kissed me on the top of my head and we went to sleep. Well, after having sex. I was not frigid.