My Mother's Secret - A Sequel To The Summer of 1993

We Go To The Island For Two Days

The end of January was in sight. Mom and I were having "some time". She was going to Chicago with Jackie for a weekend soon as well. They were going to a play. Jackie was a theater buff. Mom made time for everyone, even for dad.  He pissed her off a lot. I was sad that Friday afternoon because I was leaving Bobby. I was just emotional. I knew we were having a party for him the following weekend. Sam got the community room for us. However, things were weird between us. We were, according to Sam, "aiding and abetting" my mom. Sam was worried I would do that to him.  I would never.  We gave our virginities to each other.   We had a bond.  I would never.  Sam made me so happy. 

"Babe, I have to ask this?"
"What?"
"Will you ever get tired of me?"
"Never."
"Well, you are sneaking away with your mom."
"Our marriage is ours. It is  my mother's marriage."
"Well, we have been together for a long time and you could get bored."
"She was also neglected. He forgot birthdays. He never makes things special for her. I love that you make pancakes for me on Saturday, you are a volunteer firefighter with your dad, you are a good dad, I love your family and they love me, and so, so much more."

He kissed me.

We got to the airport by five, on a plane by six, and an hour later, we were being transported to a tropical island in the eighties. We had sweaters on. Mom looked so pretty. Johnny didn't meet us but one of his men did. Malcom, I think. I wanted to go home. I felt like an accessory all weekend and I texted Sam over and over again. He did treat us both to nice dinners. We talked about growing up and how it was. He cried a lot. However, that night,we went to sleep, it didn't take long to hear them going at it. It wasn't over the top, but it was a couple who had feelings for each other and didn't care. I texted Sam.

I did get some sleep, as I slept until eleven. I must have been tired. I had been tired a lot lately.  I looked at out at the beach and there they were, naked and twisted in each other on a towel. It was NOT like it was when my dad was with her and I felt a bit of hurt for him. I loved Steve. Steve had a lot of demons as did Johnny. Dad asked how our time was and I said, "Well, she left me to go shopping with the group and I caught up on sleep. Our rental car has to get some use."  I texted aunt Jamie.

"Are you able to come to Bobby's party?"
"I wouldn't miss it. Where are you?"
"On an island with Johnny and mom. I am by myself."
"Oh my...."
"She can 't get pregnant, can she?"
"It would be very, very rare, but it could."
"I hope not."
"I hope not either. Your dad is a good guy, an alcoholic."
"I know. He is good with Bobby. He loves to come over to play with Bobby."

For the first time, I began to regret my decision. I looked up and there he was. Johnny naked on a beach. He looked old. He had an old man body. Mom was fat with a bird's nest between her legs, but there was love there. He helped her up. He helped her on with her dress. I loved Steve. He was good to me, as good as he could have been. When he was home and we lived on Colorado Boulevard, there was a creepy addict and he went out and scared him off. He referred to Jackie and myself as "his girls". I was sorry because I was creating a monster. I was conflicted.

I texted Sam. Sam said to "give her grace".

They came up to the house.

"She's alive," Johnny said.
"I didn't have to tend to a crying infant."
"He soon won't be one. He will be a little boy." I began to cry.
"Don't cry, sweetie," mom said.
"He will always be your baby,". Johnny reassured me. I did like how caring he was. "I am having lunch flew in. Let 's enjoy it."

We talked about Hollywood and things to do with his life. It was a nice visit. I felt better than I did during the morning. I felt crappy. Sick. Could I have been?  No.  We had only been trying a month.  It was just the island.   Lunch was delicious.   I called dad.  I said mom was "shopping" but she was having her bird's nest being invaded again....  

     I was two and we were in the bathroom of the trailer.  Mom had just given us a bath.  It was the winter.   Mom went to the bathroom and it was the first time I saw her untrimmed bush.  Mom was tired from having Jackie.

   "Mom, what's that?" 
"Why it's my bird's nest."

   It was a name that stuck.  I always watched for birds until I knew better, but she had to go back to being bald to please my dad.  That taught us that we needed to shave, but Sam told me, "Where's your hair" when we became sexually active.  He told me, "You are a woman.  Grow that stuff out."  I still smile about my first time.  I was sixteen.  It was New Year's Eve 2010.  2011 was upon us and dad was at the country club and mom was waitressing.   It was in the living room as Jackie slept.   Jackie got tired and went to bed.  We rang in the new year the right way. I guess I got the hormones from my mom.

Dinner was another treat. I ate with them but went back to where I slept. I was tired. I did love Johnny's taste in the room where I slept, it was nit my grandma Barbara's trendy and then passé. She did the Tuscany look in 2006 but it was painted over for those yellows of the early 2010's. Mom sort of decorated like Johnny. If I had to be a matchmaker between Johnny and dad, it would have been Johnny. They were a lot alike. They loved each other. It was obvious this weekend. It was a shot in the arm and we weren't the only two to board the plane back to home.

We were ready for some odd, odd times....