My Mother's Secret - A Sequel To The Summer of 1993

Very Aloof

   I called Johnny when I got home. "Hey, I need to talk to you about something,". I told him.
"I have a few minutes. Shoot."
"Mom's tumor?"
"Oh God..."
"It cries, pees, poops, and has a penis.  It's name is Joseph Charles."
"Oh shit."
"Yeah."
"Yeah. I don't know how to feel about this. I am sorry, Maddie."
"I understand,". I wanted to cry.
"She is married and I just don't want anything. I am sorry."
"I understand," and now I was crying. He sounded sort of put off. "Look, if you thought instant family, I am sorry."
"I never thought that. I am sorry I ever got my mom involved."
"Look, I just don't want a commitment now."
"I understand. I should have left this whole genetic thing alone. I am sorry I bothered you. Maybe we will speak soon."
"It is probably best. I will be in touch. Kiss your mom and the baby."

I went to the couch and sobbed. Sam stroked my hair. "I am sorry I ever wanted this. I am sorry I hurt my dad and got my mom's hopes up."
"You are a curious girl,forgive yourself."
"I made my mom a harlot."
"She did that on her own. Don't cry. Bobby can see and so can Brielle. Stop."

I got out my phone and called Steve.

"Dad," I said, and "Dad, you are dad to me. Who cleaned up my puke. Who cried with me when my fish died and who walked me down the aisle?"
"I did."
"Dad, I should never have even tried this. It has ruined yours and moms marriage. It has ruined my life. Dad, Please forgive me and mom. Don't hold it against the baby."
"I won't. That baby is blameless. Your mother..."
"Dad,you pushed her away. Could you love her again?"
"I have always loved her. I never stopped. I just don't know how. I am at Target with Jackie getting a crib and some clothes. Get some rest."

I called my mom. She sounded exhausted. Well, she just put her body through something awful.

"At least it isn't cancer," she said. "I used to think women who didn't know they were pregnant were idiots. I am a big idiot all along. Dad says we will talk after the baby."
"Mom, I am sorry that I EVER wanted to do this. I talked to Johnny. Mom, you did it once without him, you can do it again."
"Typical Johnny. I figured. Anyway, I think he wants a young model." She was crying. I was crying too. My poor mom.

I called dad. He was home. Sam took him home. I asked if needed anything and he said "Just for your mom to love me and only me." I told him I knew. I was sorry I ever wanted to find out my roots. There were no texts that night.

The next morning we went to see mom and Joey. Yep. He was Johnny's. Dad held him. Dad said, "I cannot believe she did not know." Mom looked pale. Her wig and lashes were off. Her face was puffy and tired. She scared me to death. Sam's said he would take them home. Joey was pleasant. I held him and let Bobby see him. Bobby seemed confused. We stayed until late that night and when I checked my phone, there was nothing. I felt bad. Maybe it was for the best.

We came to pick them up the next morning. Dad was a bit nervous. He had a few drinks before he came, but he would never admit it. He would never quit drinking. However, he said, "I am going to have a long, long talk with your mom. I don't want her to ever contact him again. I want her to erase him from her phone. I don't want you to be sorry that you wanted to do this. You were curious." I bit my lip. I was sorry I invited her on those trips. I was sorry that i wasn't more forceful with her than I was. I should have said, "Sleep in my bed, mom." I should have said, "Mom, it is best you don't go." I didn't. I was the fool.

We took Joey home. Things would be quiet in the Johnny front for a long, long time....