My Mother's Secret - A Sequel To The Summer of 1993

And She Was Crying

It was April 20, a Wednesday. Easter had passed and mom was working her ass off for the election. Sometimes I went to see my mom on breaks. Mom was a supervisor. She checked the work of the deputy clerks and she was damn good at it. She was lucky to have that job, but it was a demotion from working for the prosecutor. Her affair cost her, but she was so sweet the clerk picked her up. Her affairs and promiscuity  always cost her.  I think she wanted that rush she felt in 1993.   I was a part timer still. I got done at four and I walked over to see her. She was at her desk. At her desk, she and pictures of me and Jackie. One of Bobby was by her monitor. She was looking at her phone. Her head was down. I looked at her and tears were streaming down her face.

"Mom, are you okay?"
"Maddie, I love him.  I never stopped."
"Mom, if you want to meet him, I will ask Christy to get you a ticket for Cincinnati. I am meeting him in Louisville so we can talk."
"You meet him first."

He called me one evening. He said he remembered my mom. He said she was quite sweet, beautiful, and he "enjoyed" her. "She was going to law school," he said. I said, "She never went." He said he would love to see her. I said she was sort of married, but at least they would get some closure. He said, "I thought of her often. I thought of her and hoped she was well and I hoped she was a successful lawyer." That is when I began to cry. I didn't want to hurt him at all. "Can we talk later? The baby needs me." I kept it together but when he hung up, I cried my eyes out. He was more than kind. He texted me and asked for pictures of the baby. I sent his newborn one, a few others, and one of mom holding him. He texted back. "She is beautiful." I texted through my tears, "She thinks she's fat." Johnny said, "My body has changed too. I would love to see you, the baby, and her." I was going to have to do some talking.

The next day we went to lunch. We went to the soda fountain. She told me, "I have Ben watching him and I am falling in love with him again." I smiled. "Those deep brown eyes are so full of sorrow."
"So have your blue eyes."
"Not as bad as him."
"He wants to meet you."
"I am not ready for that."
"Mom, you have to."
"What about your dad?"
"I think you need to. You need to get closure. If not for you, for him." She started to cry.

I think in some, weird way, they both loved each other.

I went home and texted Johnny. I was going to do October with my family and to eventually get my mom to meet him. We were goi g to the Cincinnati show, then traveling with him to his town for a day with his friends and family to a private home. I was looking forward to it. I sent him some pictures of mom. He came back with "very beautiful". He did ask, "what is up with her hair?" I said she wore wigs. "Her hair fell out,   My grandma is bald."  He said, "Oh. She reminds me a lot of Kate, a little of Vanessa and a bit of Lily Rose." We talked a lot, even if it was a few minutes. He asked about my growing up and I said, "hard". My dad looks like Robert Redford and my sister has red hair. I didn't fit in but his family accepted me. My grandma called me her "brown eyed doll baby". He texted back a smile.

I had a good feeling about this.