My Mother's Secret - A Sequel To The Summer of 1993

A Fast Summer

Bobby grew by leaps and bounds and Johnny texted a lot. He was in London with Jeff. He asked me about mom if next year was still the plan. As for the summer of 2022, that was where it stood.  I was meeting him in Cincinnati, traveling with him to a neighborhood he grew up in and telling him all about my life and hoping to learn about my mom.    Was she fun?   I remember when she was just my mom, when she worked for the law firm, but she became the town punch there.   She told me how she lost weight and young lawyers found her fetching.   However, she got caught in the copy room with her skirt up and had to work at Arby's.  She told me that moment ruined her life.   That was where she met Steve and Steve was a good package in the outside but the inside was rotten to the core.  He played the good dad at school.  He played the good husband at church, but he was cruel,  he was jealous and he destroyed mama piece by piece.   He took me to Indy for her to get an abortion.   He took me to a mall and we walked around. He was kind, but he hurt my mom's heart. It was my earliest memory.  People holding up doll babies as he dropped my mom off.  It was the way he ignored her, treated her like an afterthought.  The nights I got up to get drinks of water and she's be in a state of recoil as he thrust into her deeper and deeper.   She always looked scared.  She always wanted it to be over.   My mom was never happy,   I guess her love for Johnny was rekindling. It was becoming an inferno.

     When her birthday happened, Johnny said, "Give her an extra kiss for me."  "To be honest, I wanted to make that day special but your grandparents wanted her back home,". He admitted. "I wasn't too nice in my breakup so she wouldn't get her hopes up, but I would have been there for her had I known.  And you."  I smiled.  However tragedy would strike that summer.   My Grandma Eleanor, the gorgeous women who looked like Barbara Bel Geddes had a stroke.  It was a Friday.  My aunt Mary texted me.  I guess mom was pretty upset, as my Grandma was kind to her.  It was hot that night and all I did was hold Bobby and rock him.  She bought him tons of baby clothes, cute little outfits and toys.  They never let it be known I wasn't blood except for Steve.  She did say, "That boy's winkerdill.  It is big for a kid."  I shook my head. I felt guilt that weekend it happened. Maybe I shouldn't have been pursuing it.

Johnny was in France, dressing in period costumes. He said they were uncomfortable. He sent his prayers to our family. Mom. Johnny and I discussed it one morning, as I worked 12-4, and he said, "I would never want you to forget your family and I am glad you have them. They will always be in your heart. Also, as for your mom, I am sort of seeing someone. It would be platonic." I agreed. However, I think deep down, she would be hurt he had a girlfriend. She was crushed when he met Kate Moss. Johnny and I talked nearly every day at 10 am. It was four in Europe. I enjoyed our talks. They were about interesting things. Dad always talked about how he hated his job and he "couldn't" quit because, well, mom "needs"his money. We struggled. I never let a soul know. I was still drinking Pleasant Farms milk from Avenue Grocery. I guess Steve did catch wind about Johnny. He said, "Ask him for money so we can have some." It was all about the money.

One afternoon, Jackie and I went to the hospital. It was gorgeous. We brought Bobby. Mom and dad were at work. She was excited for me. "I knew dad made it rough sometimes and I am happy for you. I just wish my dad wasn't such a loser." He did try. He just had no tools. His dad left when he was one and he had three stepdads and like mom, she had to have a man.   Mom was taught that.  She was taught that being fat and old maid was worse then being in prison.

    "You know when I took mom home, all she could think about what a fatass she was," Jackie said.
"I know.  I wish she wouldstop and enjoy life."
"You know, she has been told that for years that because she is fat she is undeserving of things.  Like dad always saying some fat black man or fat old man would be the only thing to want her."
"Well she does have the creeper from church and she does have a few admirers.  Some are very good looking and a few are sort of creepy,  but that is because she is beautiful.  I don't want to tell her Johnny is amazed at how good she looks.  She would say I am lying."
"Yeah.   I wish she would have never married dad."
"I know.   She would have really struggled.  You know how bad her reputation was. Don't say that because I would have you as a best friend."
"Yeah,  but mom was really hurting,"

    Grandma was up and said, "Baby Bobby!  How are my beauties!  You really look like your mama today.  I KNOW who made you?"
"Come again,."
"The daddy is Captain Jack."  I almost peed.   "And when you meet him, tell him thank you for giving you to us."  That made me sad.   "Your mom is pretty, too."
"She does not think so," Jackie said.
"Your dad does not help things.  HE should be out doing jobs there she does and treating her to dinner, clothes, and love."

    Grandma saw a lot.  We all did and my mom deserved so much more than he ever gave her.  

     Grandma did sort of recover.  She was sent to a living facility that resembled the English countryside.   We all went to see her one Sunday.  Mom looked GORGEOUS.  She looked like a love child of Kate Moss, Charlize Theron, Vanwssa Paradis, and Lily Rose Depp.  She had her wig off, a sheriff department tee shirt and she looked like she was 35-36.  Why could she not see what we all saw?