My Mother's Secret - A Sequel To The Summer of 1993

I Have Some Reading To Do

"Hey, babe. I have steaks!" I said.
"Wonderful," he kissed me. I loved how he made me feel appreciated.
"I will be on the couch reading." Her book was from right when I revealed that Johnny was my dad.

"She found out what I never wanted her to find out. I feel bad because I am trying to keep her from who made her, but I also don't want her hurt, to cause a media frenzy, or for me to fall in love with him harder than I have. It has been two decades, almost three of him always being in the back of my mind. What if he fought for me and i got to stay? I would be a wife of major star. However, he has two blessings in his life he wouldn't have and Jackie is one of my BIG reasons to love. Maddie is my other. My husband? Pffft! His lies, drinking and affairs have hurt me so. His abuse has hurt me as well. What would I do if I met Johnny again. I doubt he'd fuck me. I mean look? 256. I am almost three of his beloved Vanessa. I am sure we'd catch up and be old pals. That is all I am good for."

I hated how little my mom thought of herself.     I read on.  

     "She is going to meet him and part of me really, really wants to go as well, nut I have a husband here.   Tom Reinbold told me it was "just on paper".  Maybe so. I just hope and pray he isn't mean to her.  I hate when she hurts, but she has been lucky in love,  I have not,...". 

      I thought about my mom in her pretty back dress, make up and heels looking for a job and having to work at Arby's.  I was sure it hurt her heart. She never told me. She just stuffed it in. She was really thin when she met Steve. I saw the picture of him kissing her. It was real. It was passionate. He adored her. I read on.

"Hey, earth to Maddie?"
"I am so sorry. I got daughter up in reading."
"He needs his bath. I thought since you were gone all day."
"Sure."
"Plus, I need some attention."
"Of course."

I liked that he still desired me and he wasn't pissed that I was reading, but the next day was Jackie's turn.

"Goodnight, Madeline. I thank you for taking me to do some shopping. I look forward to breakfast on Tuesday."
"Me, too. I love you, always."

I went to sleep, but the next day I was almost late for work because I was reading and it was not cool to be late for the county. I thought about my dreams. Dreams of the old house. The built in china cabinet in the living room. Jackie's and my bedroom where I told secrets to her. Where I reassured her that mom would be home soon. She worked a lot when he was in jail. At night, she cried because I was the mommy to Jackie, fixing her supper, getting her ready for bed. I lost a lot of years. It was a rainy day, the traffic whizzed by on the highway. The house next door sat emoty and ours looked empty. It was an economically depressed area. When mom worked, we sat in the dark to make it look like no one was home as the traffic whizzed by.

"That little shit had him CALL me at work and I cried. I cried like a baby and almost had to go home, but I don't think Tom would approve. So, I went home and cried. I have missed him so and he never left the depths of my mind. He said we would talk later. I will go to my parents' house. I texted him a picture and he said I was beautiful. I think it's lip service. He wants to speak to me. I am so scared. I mean he is this big star and I am a nobody."

"Mom, you are not a nobody,". I said aloud

"He has been with all of the girls in the world who are flawless and I have a belly, a funny butt, and my boobs, I have made love in a tee shirt since the 2000s." I remember my dad telling my mom when I was twelve that she looked like a busted can of biscuits. It was when she was sleeping with the firefighter and a guy in a band. He was cute and I knew my mom wished dad would get mad enough to divorce my mom, but he did not. He got pissed and tried to hold onto her all the more. I wished they would have gotten divorced. I had a gut feeling something was going to happen.

My gut was going to take me on a trip.