My Mother's Secret - A Sequel To The Summer of 1993

You Will Always Be Dad

It was that part of November I hated, where all the leaves are gone except for little bursts of color on low lying plants and a tree here or there or didn't the message, and the sky was SO GRAY. It was depressing. I called and said I would be there by noon. I was a little late. Bobby had a blowout. Sam was the stay at home dad for a few months, so I hoped he didn't order everything off the menu, which he was GOOD at doing. I was sure he was going to order a top shelf drink. That was the one thing that separated him from Johnny. He was so selfish. I always saw it. Jackie is just beginning to see how he was.

"Where's mom?"
"You know she is a part time bookkeeper for Jimmy. I think she needs to quit because it's on the bad side of town, or she is banging Jimmy."
"I doubt it."
"Well, she ain't banging me. Maddie, did you know we haven't had sex in two years."
"Oh." I had sex with Sam that morning, but to Sam, I am his queen.
"She is such a prude."
"I think she is just shy."

    We drove to ther restaurant.  I was in Quinlan Woods Shopping Center.  Gone was the fifties limestone and I place were the 2020's architecture.   We parked the car and walked up to the restaurant.   "You are your mother's kid," he said.  "Slowpoke."  I caught up with him.   We sat down.   Our server got our drinks and he got a top shelf old fashioned,  I was already shuffling my bank accounts and if my electric bill came due, which one would I pay it from.  

    "Do you know something?"  He asked.  
"No."
"I hired your mom.  She was so cute.  It was the summer of 1996 and she just got fired from her job. You know when she got caught fucking in the copy room."
Yeah. She told me"
"One Saturday she brought you in and I just remembered how beautiful you were and I liked her so much.   I loved you instantly. I wanted to be your dad."
"And you still are.  I just now know who made me and am learning who my mom is."
"When she met me, she was utterly broken.   Love had lost her and I fell in love with her."
"Dad, I still love you and I will always love you.  You are the one who always took care of me.  I remember being so sick and you were there for me."
"I never saw someone so skinny throw up so much." 
"Yeah."
"I appreciate that."  

     We talked about childhood and he said he supported me and was glad I got closure.   He then brought up their marriage.   "We are in that transition, separate rooms," he said.   He ate his forty six dollar steak and salad.  I just ate a salad.  I was thinking, "Oh, fuck, how am I going to pay the lights?"   We talked and I asked about something that happened.  

   "Dad, I remember being in your sports car and we dropped mom off at a place where they were holding baby dolls.  Was that a dream?"
"No.  I was basically homeless and she got pregnant and we had to get her an abortion."
"Oh."
"It destroyed her.  So much has hurt your mom and sometimes I think I am the problem."
"She never has said," I said, lying. 

    We talked for three hours and in his parting words he said, "I think your dad is a douche, but you are classy.  You get that from your mommy.  I love her."  

    I went into her "sitting room" and talked to her.  She was watching TV. 

    "Thank you for taking him.  I enjoyed my quiet,". She said.  I wondered what she did.  "So, how did he take it?"
"Okay."
"Okay.  Just okay?  I am sure he will tell me when you leave."
"He isn't that bad, is he?"
"You know how he lets things simmer to a boil and then yells at me?"
"I am sorry mom."
"When are you seeing him next?"
"He is in Europe to see friends and family."
"Ah."

    Sue sat in her chair.  She looked tired.  She was 51.   She looked like Vanessa with shirt hair.  She didn't wear wigs much at home.   I looked at her room,filled with things she bought that a husband should have bought her.   "Can I see the pictures again?"  I asked.  She got up and went onto her room.  I looked in her diary.   I watched her, opening her dresser drawer.   "Spent the afternoon with the dildo.   It's better than anytime we have been together,". She wrote in her weird, messy writing.   She shut the drawer and I sat there staring at her.   She showed me the pictures.   It was MY MOM with Johnny Depp.  She was GORGEOUS and happy.   I wanted to see my mom gorgeous and happy again.  

    I went home.   I spent a Saturday night with a husband I loved.   I felt bad mom never had that.  When we were kids, my mom worked 5p-1a in Arby's drive through, then the county had enough faith in her to hire her and life sort of began for her, little did I know she had an affair the first day.   Prosecutor McIlvane tried her out the first day.  

    "You look sad," Sam said.
"My parents never did this."
"Awww....  This is weird,  but I see your mom and Johnny together in old, old age.   I think he really loved her,  but you can't just love anyone in Hollywood."
"It's like that everywhere.  Mom, said when she was entry level at the county it was like that."
"You know, Madeline, I really love you."
"And I, you." 

    We made love on the couch, as Bobby slept in the playpen.   I wanted to and he wanted to....