Sorry Not Sorry

-1 🥊

I've never been the best at controlling my emotions, and often that leads to outbursts where all the pent up feelings just explode. But lately, I've been getting better, less negative emotions, more... Positive ones-

Never mind.

Who is this absolute dingbat standing in front of me. He puts a hand on his hip and looks down at me, condescendingly. "Hey-" he begins, but I cut him off.

"Sorry, I'm not interested in whatever joke your about to say to me. " I say, quickly.

"Damn, ok kid... You didn't have to read me like that." He runs his fingers through his silky black mullet.

"How old even are you? Calling me a kid?" I hiss.

"Twenty." He says.

I clench my jaw. "How old do you think I am?" I say, ander bubbling up my throat, begging to spill.

"I don't know, how old are you?" He says, looking at my clenched fists smugly.

I let out a deep breath through my nose. "Class is about to start. Buzz off." I hiss.

He chuckles, turinging abound with a wave. "Whatever you say, Xavier."

How does he even know my name? I raise an eyebrow at the back of his head as he walks over to a woman- she's a bit shorter than him and also Asian, like he is, but she's got bleach-blonde hair, besides the roots.

I anchor my thoughts away from the tall Asian with the mullet, and focus on warming up for class.

My reasons for joining self defence classes had initially been to socialize, and let some of my pent up emotions out, but clearly neither of those goals where coming into fruition, considering the fact that mullet boy must be pretty popular around here, judging my the awful glares I'm getting from pretty much everyone in this room besides him himself and the other pretty Asian girl, who's talking to the coach now.

Second goal is out too, considering I'm only more angry than I was before I stepped into this studio. Right, the studio. I think back to one of the anxiety exersises my mother thought me, back when anxiety had a death grip on my life. It's not as bad anymore, but there's always the chance it'll return.

A thing I can see- well, the studio is pretty big, and all the surfaces on the walls are covered in something. One wall is lined with lockers and a bookshelf covered in trophies and plants. Another wall, is covered top to bottom in a mirror, like what you'd see in a dance class.
The yellow lights overhead cast a glow better than sunlight could ever acheive, lighting up the whole room despite the high ceilings.

I take a deep breath. What can I touch?
I can feel the fraying edges of a rug under my feet, and my clothes gripping my body. I'm interrupted by the thought that I'm doing it wrong, but I push the idea away.

I can hear... "Ok everyone, let's get started!" Coach.

I walk over into the middle of the room, where everyone's gathered, but the people I stood -even just a meter away from- shuffled away. I sigh. What was that annoying guy telling them about me?

Coach clears her throat. "Hello all. I'm your coach, but you can call my Katherine or Kathy." She smiles, beaming at the crowd of around 16 of us. "For today's exersises - and most during our time together- you will need a partner!"

My stomach drops and my breathing quickens. I am not a good person at working in pairs, and knowing my luck- I'll probably get stuck with the mullet boy, and my life will be ruined. Noone here likes me, clearly. And I'm not sure I like any of them. I wipe sweat off my brow, breathing deeper.

What can I smell? Incense burning in the corner of the room- lavender, I think- the scent of 15 or so sweaty bodies pressed up in a space together. I can smell- strawberry shampoo?

I open my eyes, to find the Asian girl- who mullet boy was talking to before- standing in front of me "Sorry." She says as I jump a bit. "My names Kitty. I notice you don't have a partner, would you like to be mine?" She smiles. And I want to melt with gratefulness.

"Yeah, I'd like that. Thank you." Her pretty face reminds me of the ones of the girls which used to bully me back at school, but I can tell from the way she carries herself, she's just confident, not condescending. Something I wish I could say for her tall friend.

She smiles, "So, Xavier, I heard you had a conversation with my cousin, Max."

"How does everyone know my name?" I say, genuinely bewildered.

She laughs, doubling over. "Oh my god, Xavier. You're so funny."she chuckles, gaining composure. "You have a name tag on, dummy." My cheeks flush as I reach a hand up to touch the white sticker with my name scrawled on my in sharpie.

"Oh. I'm so embarrassed, I forgot about that." I clench my jaw.

"It's ok," she says, noticing my tence expression, "Here-" she plucks it off my shirt, then folds it in half in her hand. "Now people will have to ask you." She smiles, content with her help.

The coach- Katherine- calls everyone to the frount. "Has everybody found a pair?" She asks, then nods once everyone has. "Today will focus on team building. We've got an array of different equipment up here, just come pick something and find some sort of way to use it with your teammate, while building trust in each other and learning more about each other.

"What do you want to use?" I ask her, watching as she contemplates the tools. Well we could use anything really, but why not the skipping rope?"

I nod , "Okay, that's cool with me."

"Everyone, you can join with a second pair if you'd like to make some activities easier or more comfortable for you." Coach announces, and Kitty smiles at her.

"Katherine is so pretty, isn't she?" She says. I feel like she's fishing for something out of me, but I don't know what to say, so my answer seems rushed and awkward.

"Well, girls do seem to be like that sometimes, don't they?"

She sideyes me, then chuckles. "Yeah." It feels like she's onto me for something, but I don't even have anything to hide besides the anger issues and anxiety, but thats not really her problem. She picks up a skipping rope. "Could we do this with another group?"

Her eyes sparkle up at me so I shrug. "Sure" , assuming it would be some of her female friends.

-