Sorry, Not Sorry

- 30

I'm high up in a tree Max sitting directly next to me, our knees pressed together, the bark scratching the back of my bare legs. My eyes focus on the flashing screen, sitting in Max's hand on his lap. The colours swirl on the screen, pink, blue, red, purple. I can't decipher what's going on on the screen, and I can't hear a word the characters are saying. The bright flashing colours burn my eyes, but I can't close them. I can sense Max watching me through his silky black bangs, but I don't want to look over at him, I can't.

His arm is squished up next to mine, his body warm compared to the chill i can feel in my toes, my chest. The colours swirl more, starting to spill out of the screen, illuminating the ground far, far below. I don't know what to do! Why can't I move? I reach hand to rest on top of his, but I didn't do it. I can't control my hand. My fingers -not controlled by me- squeeze his hand, wrapping so we're fully holding hands. He doesn't react. What's happening? I don't know! The swirling colours start to spin even faster, forming a whirlpool in the screen. "This is my favourite part." Max says, his voice contorted and... wrong, glitchy. My hand squeezes Max's tighter, and Max squeezes mine back, finally doing something. What's going on? My head turns to look at Max. His eyes are locked onto the phone screen, and he doesn't seem to react to anything. I open my mouth, but no words come out. "This is my favourite part." He says again, even glitchier than last time. It feels as though hours have passed. My legs feel like weights pulling me out of the treetop.

I don't know. I look back at the screen, my vision covered by pink and purple swirls. Let me see! The colours slow down, and my heart slows a bit. See, It's fine.

A scream escapes my lips as the pink and purple light explodes out of the screen. It flies at my face, blinding me. I don't know! Wind blows my hair back, whipping at my eyes. The explosion of colour collects together, spinning tornado like patterns around the tree. My eyes burst open as I look back at Max. His face is right in front of mine, If I'd leant forwards even slightly...

I can see the freckles on his nose, scattered like stars. I can see cheeks, pink in the light, his eyes reflecting the blue. My eyes are wide, I can't blink.

The pink light reflects on his face, Illuminating the freckles on his nose. "You don't know." He says, leaning closer, but I can hardly hear him through the glitchy voice and the rush of sound all around me. "You don't know, Do you?" Max says, his voice clear and realistic.

"I don't know." I repeat, "I don't know!" Max grips my hand tighter.

"Xavier!" He yells, but his face hardly moves. the light swirls around us, winding through the branches of the tree we're up in. "Xavier~"

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

"What don't you know? What don't you know, Xavier?"

"I don't know?"

The light all gathers, forming a whirlpool around us. I try to loosen my grip on his hand, but he only grabs on tighter. The whole world's tilting, me included. Max is still perfectly perched on the wood, as I begin to slip. I beg him to let go of my hand, but he doesn't, and we're falling. Down to the ground, the grass and roots below just us as we hit the ground-

I jerk up in my bed, my hand reaching to squeeze my chest. my whole body is shaking and I'm immediately hit with a piercing headache. "W-What the..." I stutter, reaching out a shaky hand to pet the- still snoring- Rupaul, who apparently made his way onto my bed sometime last night. "W-what was that? A-a Nightmare?" I reach the shaky hand that had been petting Rupaul to rub my face, only to feel warm tears rolling down my cheeks, not stopping. I'm not still in a dream am I? I ask myself, looking down at my ruffled bedcovers. There's no way... I peer out my window, looking at the dark and dreary world outside. No, this is real... It's gotta be. I scratch my leg, then grip my hands together, trying to keep them from shaking so much. My head spins and I lay back, resting my head on the pillow with a groan. "It's clearly different than my other nigh-nightmares." I gulp, pressing my fingernails into the back of my other hand. "I... I can remember it." I bite my lip, "Very, very clearly..." The coldness of my fan brushes over me, sending a convulsion of shivers through my body.