Sorry, Not Sorry

- 34

It's quiet in the house, besides the distant and muffled laughter from the others down at the creek. I'd love to be down there with them, but I'm too anxious about Max, since he's not back yet. I'm sat on the couch, my feet tucked under my butt, absorbing the peace and quiet, as crickets sing a melody outside in the crisp, cool air. The haunting call of a kookaburra follows the crickets song. 

After everyone had finished eating, I had moved into the kitchen by myself to wash up the plates. Delilah followed me and stood beside me as I tried not to make it too obvious I was avoiding washing the knives buried in the soapy sink- even as my fingers brushed the sharp edge of one and i jolted away. She asked me about Max and Nicole, and I told he some boring answer which clearly showed the look on my own face. She'd left to go down to the creek with the others and so I just finished washing up (I cleared the rest of the table too, to keep my hands busy) and then sat by myself on the couch. It was weird sitting on this couch. I'd been to Max's a few times, and Kitty's too- but the last time I'd sat on her couch was when Max and I had just met, when I was starting to like a little him more and hate him extremely less. That night we'd fell asleep with our heads on each other's shoulders. It was the first time I'd ever sat on this couch all by myself.

The laughter and animal song fade into the back of my mind as I hear the front door creak open, heavy footfall down the hall, into the living room. The breeze gently blows Max's hair from his face, revealing a distraught and tired expression, his eyes red. I pat the couch next to me, inviting him to sit down. He doesn't say anything, just flops down onto the couch, shrugging his jacket off in the process. The Navy pile of fabric falls into my lap, and I tentatively reach out a hand to rest on his shoulder, the other clenching the fabric tight. "Max-" I begin, but he reaches up a hand and covers my mouth.

"Not yet," he chokes, looking down so his hair covers his face. "I'm not ready yet." I nod in response, prying his hand off my face.

"The others are down at the creek." I add softly, sick of the complete and utter silence we'd been left in for a total of ten seconds. "It sounds like they're enjoying themselves." I add, quieting again so we can hear their distance but heart-warming laughter.

Max's chest heaves a bit, and I scooch closer, "Are you sure you don't want to-" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"She broke up with me." He leans forward, wet tears falling in the wool carpet. "She broke up with me, and I deserve it." He repeats.

"Max..." I say, my heart clenching at seeing him so upset. It's all my fault. "Look at me. Look at me, please." I beg, and he looks up, his eyes watery and red, tears trailing down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. It's probably all my fault."

"It's not. She was annoying me... But I still wanted to be with her, Yknow... But  the biggest issue is...I don't even feel sad about losing her. I feel sad because of the consequences of losing her. There's no excuses anymore." I pull him into a hug, and he grips my back, his forehead presses against my shoulder, black hair tickling my neck.

"I can't say I understand, at all... But I'm here for you." I say. He hugs me tighter.

"Of course you are." He mumbles, chuckling softly. He pulls back, reaching up to wipe his face off. "How about we go down to the creek with the others?" He asks.

"If you'd like-"

"It'd definetly make me feel better."

That's all he has to say, and I jump up out of my seat, dragging him behind me, out the glass sliding door. "I don't know what's up," I say not looking back at him as I drag him down to the creek, "But, you can always trust me." I shrug, my back turned to him as my feet crunch on the unfamiliar rocky path. "This is the way, right?" I ask, looking around at the bush and dry grass all around. It's dark, and I can hardly see a thing, but I know I'm safe, following the path which I assume the others followed half an hour ago.