Sorry, Not Sorry

-7

"I'm dyslexic." He says, scratching his chin.

"Oh yeah?" I say.

"Yep. Diagnosed in primary school. Positive was that I got extra help- Negative is that I needed extra help."

"We've both got our problems then." I chuckle.

"Try not to take it to heart if I spell your name wrong." He jokes.

"Try not to take it to heart if I start screaming and crying in class one day."

He looks at me. "Has that happened before?"

"As a child, yeah. But back then people just chalked it up as a tantrum. A mixture of Anger Issues and Anxiety just makes you different I guess."

"You have Anxiety." He asks, but it sounds more like a statement.

"Yeah, it was worse back then... But it never really goes away, you know?"

"I get it."

"The most recent thing was probably... First day of class. When I dropped the rope."

"Seriously? I feel so bad now, I laughed at you then. I thought you were just really awkward." He buries his face in his hands with a sigh, and the blanket slipped down a little, revealing a little stuffed animal.

"Is that a teddy?" I ask.

"Damn" he covers his face with a hand, showing off the teddy in the other. "It's actually a Squishmallow." He explains "I was trying to hide her but now that you've seen her guess you gotta know all about her." He smiles, showing off his bright teeth "My older sister used to collect them, and when she moved out she gifted this one to me. Her name is... Avery." It's a little duck.

"Do you have any more?" I ask.

"I have a few bag clips," He says, "but I have this other one-" he leans over the side of his bed, and I startle from being flashed by his bare back. He pulls out a giant frog.

"Holyyyyy..." I gasp.

"Biggest size they come." He laughs. "Her names Wendy." He places it in the camera, with just enough space for his head to rest on it's soft head while still being visible.

I smile at him. I screenshot the picture of him with his head on the massive Squishmallow. He scrambles over to the phone, flicking the frog off the bed. "Did you just screenshot!?" He growls, "You better delete that!"

"Seriously? We'll have to take pictures together in real life then. " I huff.

"You don't have to delete it."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"You're right though, we totally need more photos....."

Suddenly my stomach drops and I feel sick.
I go quiet as he keeps talking.

"Xavier? Are you ok?"

I run a hand through my hair, shaking my head. "Not really."

"What's wrong? How can I help?" He slides in closer to the camera, talking to me through the screen.

"There's not much you can do, just be here-" I choke up, burying my head in my pillows. My door creaks open.

"Morning" Mum says, standing in my doorstep, yellow light forming a glowing aura from behind her, like an angel.

"Uh, Good morning, Mum." I smile awkwardly, tilting the phone a little so she can't see it.

"Xavier?" Max's voice says through my speaker, "What's going on? Are you alright?"

Tanya eyes the phone. "Who're we talking to here?" She steps closer, tilting the phone screen.

Max's eyes widen and he straightens his back. "My name's Max." Max says. "Er- Nice to meet you?" He smiles with all his teeth. She smirks, but she's clearly noticed how quiet I am, so she sits on the bed, taking the phone out of my hand. Her empty hand rests gently on my head, as I work on slowing my breath.

"Ah, Am I correct to assume the two of you met at those... Self defence classes?" Her fingers twist through my hair.

Max nods  through the screen. I hope she's facing the camera in a way Max can't see me. "Yep! Best buds right from the start." Max says cheerfully, and I snort.

"Interesting. Why are you two boys chatting so early? I didn't even know Xay was able to wake up so early!"

"He butt dialled me" Max says as I say, "I face dialled him."

"Hey!" I say, my voice muffled from my pillow. "It was not my butt."

"Sure, sure... Well." Mum says, "Nice meeting you Max, but I think it's about time for Xay to have his breakfast, hmm?"  

"Mmh. I won't keep you. Bye Xavier!" Max says, waving at me through the screen. I raise a hand and wave, taking the phone from Mum afterwards. The phone beeps as Max hangs up, and I sit up in bed, stretching my arms.

I sit down on the table, tugging on the collar of my shirt.

"It's nice to see you making friends, Xavier. He seems nice." Tanya says, biting into her Avocado toast.

I nod, biting my toast too. "Thanks for breakfast mum."

She nods, wiping food out of the corner of her mouth. "I have to head off for work soon, promise you'll be alright without me?"

"Of course. I think I'm going to head out on a walk to get some fresh air." I say.

"Don't forget your keys."

-

I pull my sneakers on, walking into the blaring heat. By the time I'm at the café and back, my back will be covered in sweat and I'll be dripping. Perfect. I set off anyway, backpack secured firmly on my back. My plan is to get some sort of warm drink, then... who knows?

I open the door to the café, the little bell on the door announcing my arrival with a ding.
I walk over to the counter, ordering my usual coffee. I sit down on one of the tables, out looking the street.

I sip my coffee, opening my book. I read the words, but my brain cant seem to actually comprehend them, and I'm filled with the urge to talk to someone. God, the way you change when you have friends.

After I've finished  my drink, I pull out my phone and press call on Max's name. Exiting the door, I wait as the phone rings. 

I kinda can't help it anymore so I pull out my phone, select Max's name and press call.

"Hey." He says.

"Hi." It occurs to me I have no clue what to say. " Er- I'm just walking back from a café... thought I'd call again." I say with a shrug, though he can't see that.

"I was about to text you." He says. "Come to Kitty's?" 

"Uh- Maybe, Why?" 

"You're a cool guy, right, You're chill?" Max says, "No questionable opinions we should know about?" 

"No..?" I say, wet gravel crunching beneath my feet.

"Perfect." Max hears some sort of muffled speech through the phone.

"Yeah- okay." Kitty says. "Hey, Xavier!" She says. 

"Oh, Hi Kitty." 

"You should totally come over." She says. 

"Yeah? I'm kinda- far away right now?" I grimace. 

"No problem. I'll send Max to get you. I have a surprise for you!" She says.

"Uh- Surprises aren't... really my thing. Wait, It's not bad is it?" 

"Nope. Come overrrrr. I'll tell you then, trust!" 

I sigh. "Okay... I'd prefer I wasn't kept in the dark but oh well." I add under my breath. "Just, Tell Max to meet at the bus stop." I say, looking around to gauge how long it'll take me to get there.

"I'll be there." I'm shocked by the sudden switch from Kitty to Max's voice, especially right in my ear. His is far calmer, while hers is... the opposite of that?

"If this is bad, I swear to god-"