Sorry, Not Sorry

- 40

Just as I'd predicted, we don't quite make it to the city on the 5th, so we stop at another motel.

"Alright, room 30." I say, tugging my bag out of the back. "This place isn't that big, would that be right on the end?" I ask, starting to walk down the brick path, Max next to me. He pulls the sunglasses off his eyes, placing them on the top of his head, which pulls his bangs back for his brown eyes to be completely visible, as well as the freckles on his cheeks and nose.

"Probably, we'll see."

We get down to the room after a minutes walk.  "Spot on." Max says, unlocking the door with the key and pushing it open with his knee.

"Ugh, why's it so freezing in here?" I ask, chucking my bag on the floor and walking over to the Aircon. "There's no remote over here." I say, turning around to see if there's one on the tiny table or the kitchen counter.

"None in any of the drawers." Max says, "can you turn it off on the actual Aircon?" He asks, "A button, maybe?"

I go back over to it, the cold air blasting directly in my face. I squint, moving slightly to the side and checking  if there's a button. "There's nothing." I say, defeated.

"We're going to freeze." He says, flopping back onto the bed, his eyes widen, as he holds the blanket up, punched between two fingers, "Wait, my blankets so thin!" He says, frustrated.

I rush over to mine, picking it up. "Mine's thick... Seems warm." I say.

"Now that's unfair. Are you going to let me freeze on my birthday?" He pouts, crossing his arms.

I glance back again him over my shoulder, a smirk on my lips. "You chose that bed." I say, turning back to the bed to pull the cover off.

"I'm always on the right bed, and you're on the left! We've always done it that way."

I raise an eyebrow. "We've stayed in a total of one hotel so far, and you've established rules?" He nods, and I roll my eyes, "Fine, you can have it. Now go have your shower." I was always planning to give it to him, but I'd never admit that.

He smiles, grabbing something of out of his bag. "Thanks, Xay!" He says, going into the bathroom. I tug the blanket off of my bed, trying to act upset but a smile keeps tugging on the corner of my lips. I chuck the blanket on his bed, flopping down on my own, after. "Damn, I'm totally going to die in my sleep." I mutter, You better be mighty thankful, Max Huang. I sit back up with a sigh and dig through my carry-on. I pull out the small blue book and open to the first page.

Xavier Grey, 4 years old at the time of submission.

I flip further through the book, trying to find the later entries.

I don't want to write in this book anymore, but they're forcing me to, basically.

My hand writings messy, rushed.

The want me to 'figure out' whatever's 'wrong with me' I mean, come on. Isn't that Felicia's job?!

I don't remember any of the workers at the orphanage -or the therapists- being named Felicia, but I do have a faint memory of me calling my male counselor a feminine name to make fun of him.

Today I had art at school, which of course was fun but no other kids take it seriously. I mean, how hard is it to draw a pretty picture, write something about it and then just get an A?

I keep reading, focused until Max comes out of the shower, sitting down next to me. "What's that?" He asks, tilting his head, causing water from his damp hair to drip down to the floor.