Sorry, Not Sorry

-26

I sigh as I begin to walk away, orange petals falling all around me as I trudge down the path. I lean down, picking up one of the flowers that has fallen. Tears prick my eyes. Get your act together, Xavier. I think to myself, leaving the park gates.

-

I'd been taught from a young age to keep control of my emotions. And I personally think I did great at that, all the way up until the thing with Ronnie, when he left. The once calm and and tantrumless kid I was suddenly became much harder to deal with.

I'd constantly 'lose it' and start yelling at the other kids.

Nicole said, "I know you hate me for what I did." I don't really know what she's referencing, there, but I can assume it was something stupid. Something stupid like she told on me for yelling. That's probably it. Nicole back then was pretty quiet but she was also a 'snitch' (for lack of a better term.)

I don't understand why she'd expect me go still be angsty and angry about that, but maybe there's more to it that I just can't remember.

I bite my lip as I walk home, deep in thought. I ultimately decide to pull my phone out and message Max. 'Sorry for ditching. I had somewhere to be.'

I grip my phone in my hand as I continue the walk down the weathered concrete footpath. Eventually, I see a bus stop up ahead, with a bus slowly approaching from the direction I can from. I rush up to the door, after noticing it's headed in my direction. I flop down on one of the colourful blue seats. The bus is mainly empty, besides a few older folk and a teenage girl. The bus starts back up and I turn my phone screen on after feeling it buzz in my palm.

'Yeah, it's alright. It was kinda sudden of me to invite you.' Max said.

I smirk slightly at the idea that he's pulling out his phone for me in the middle of a walk in the park with his girlfriend, but I remind myself Nicole hasn't actually done anything to me.

'It's all good. Call later, maybe?' I say. The thing is, I did want to hang out with Max, just not with his girlfriend thrown in the mix.

'We'll see' Max sends, followed by a winky face. I don't really want to think about what that could be implying, so instead I chose to simply not respond. It seems a bit rude, considering I started the conversation, but the bus is about to pull up at my stop, and I don't know what to say yet. My intent had been to respond once I was home, but we'll see...

I forgot to respond when I got home, and was sat comfily on my couch, a floor fan pointing at me, ruffling my brown hair as I crunch on a packet of potato chips, scrolling on my phone absentmindedly.

I flinch as my screen lights up with a call, quickly swallowing my chip, wiping my face off and ruffling my hair before I answer. "Hey, Xavier." Max says.

"Oh, Hi Max." Xavier says. "Sorry for leaving earlier."

"No biggie." Max chuckles, and I hear a rustle through the phone. "What'd you wanna talk about?" He says.

"I honestly don't remember. I guess I wanted to make up for leaving." I shrug, forgetting I'm on a phone call. We sit quietly for a bit. "So, Nicole..."

"Oh yeah. I don't mean to just like- dump that on you, but I thought it was about time you met her." I can hear his smile through his voice, and I feel even worse about how I'd treated her.

I sigh, smiling awkwardly. "How did you guys meet?"

"Uh, we've been talking for a while. I met her a bit before I met you, at a music event."

I lay down in the couch, my knees facing the ceiling as I stare at then, holding the phone haphazardly to my ear. I squeeze my eyes shut. "She seems nice." I pause. "You said you've been dating for two weeks?" I say, recalling what he'd said at the party.

"Yeah. I hadn't told anyone though, I wanted to make sure we were serious."

I breath out of my nose. "So you're serious, then?"

Max is quiet for a second, and I'm under the impression that he nodded, before saying, "Yeah, I think so."

"That's great. Does she make you happy?"

"Yeah." He breaths. "She's the kind of girl my parents would like. She's not Asian though..."

"Tell me about her." I say. The Nicole I (hardly) know clearly is very different to current Nicole, and I guess I just want to hear Max's voice.

"Well, she's super nice." He starts, "Her hair's so soft, and have you seen the way it curls around her face?" I mumble a little 'mhm' in response. "She sings sometimes too, but not all that often..."

He talks about her for minutes on end, hardly stopping to breathe. Don't get me wrong, I like hearing him speak, and I did ask him about Nicole but I'm getting tired of this conversation. Eventually, when he finally pauses for a moment, I speak up. "How have you been doing, besides her?"

"Hm? Oh, good."

I frown. "Ah, Ok." I bite the inside of my cheek. "I-" I say, at the same time Max says the same thing.

"I need to go get dinner soon." I say, before he can continue his sentence. "I have to get up early for work tomorrow." I shrug, sitting up.

"Work?"

"Huh? Oh, I got a job at this cafe on main. Anyway, bye." I hang up, scratching my eye as a stand up and head over to the counter.

I message my mum that I'm ordering pizza, knowing she's in her way home soon. It's not all that dark, and it's relatively early, but I'm not in the mood to do anything really today, so I settle for eating as soon as possible and getting into bed before I'm hungry again.

The doorbell rings, and I walk over to open it. It's far to quick to be the Pizza, so I peek through the window. I smile seeing my mother's short figure, opening the door. "Hey, sweetie. I just got your message." She holds up her phone to show me the text. "Did you remember to order Garlic bread?" She asks, placing her bag down in the doorway and shutting the door with her foot.

"Of course, ma." I say, following her inside. "What've you got there?" I point at the paper Coles bag hooked in her arm.

"Ah- just some groceries." She places the whole bag in the cupboard, not bothering to unpack any of it.

"Oh, okay." I smile, bending over to pick two plates out of the drawer. The bell rings just as I place the plates on the table. "I'll get that." I say.

"Thank you!" I tell the pizza delivery boy, passing him the cash.

"No problem." The man says, walking away.

I shut the door, holding the hot pizzas in my arm. I place them both on the table. I was pretty hungry, so I chose to order one pizza each, besides, I really wanted something with searing hot meat on it. I sit in my chair, sliding the vegetarian pizza towards her, sliding mine out from under hears in the process.

The hot cheese burns my mouth as I take a bite, but I suffer through the heat just to swallow the bite. "Augh." I groan, gulping down a glass of water, "That's really hot."

Mum laughs, biting her own pizza. "Mmh. Where is the garlic bread?" She asks through the mouthful.

"Uh... Oh, it's just on the bench over there. Whoops." It sits menacingly up on the counter, next to my phone. As I go to grab the bread, my phone screen lights up. I peer at it, its a post from Max's Instagram. I turn off the screen, sitting back in my seat. I pass the garlic bread to my mum, who responds with a grateful "Mmh- Thank you."

-

I just reread like the first 1-6 episodes and holy shart I need to go back and fix the typos bcs damn there are so many!!!!! :(