Apart

Daisy

Coming back from the office is my favorite part of the day not because I am exhausted from my job but because I get to meet my favorite person in the world and spending every second with him is beyond perfect. "I might have to buy some groceries" I checked my phone and I had already made a list of things I needed to buy for the rest of the week, I checked which block am I in and said "Great not too far" I spotted the supermarket which is within my eyesight. I marched towards it but with every step I took I felt I was getting followed I hadn't felt this way in a long time I turned around and saw no one other than usual folks returning home and even the traffic seemed normal to me right now so why am I feeling this way; I shook my head and started walking again. Entering the market I took a cart with me and started going through my list "Okay, this is going to be a long trip" I said to myself as I saw the list I had and went ahead, when I was halfway done I got a call from Paul "Where are you sweetie?" he asked me as soon as I picked up my phone "Supermarket" just one word left from my mouth and he responded "Be there in ten" and he hung up the phone I stood there like an idiot staring at my phone but that's what happens when you are in love; Even the most boring thing in the world would turn out amazing with your loved one. I did not wait for him I continued my shopping and before I knew it Paul was standing in front of me and smiling "There you are" he said with the sweetest smile on his face, he came near me and took the cart "So, what is the next item you would want to put in?" I knew he was talking about groceries but I responded with "It is huge and between your legs" his cheeks turned red as soon as I said it but we were in a grocery store so he didn't do anything about it although we had had sex in public but this was different there were cameras everywhere. I put my hands around his arms and showed him the list. 

"You can give me one bag at least," I said when we exited the store, "No way," Paul said and walking at the much faster pace he always does this when he doesn't want to give me any bags to carry "You know I can do it myself right?" I said when I caught up to him "I know, but let me" he said when he knew it was hard for me to keep up with him and he slowed down for me. We both were in front of our apartment and suddenly my gut was telling me to turn around and check if someone was watching me and I did what he said but nothing was in my sight I told myself "It is nothing, you are getting worried for nothing" I closed my eyes and exhaled "Are you okay?" Paul turned to me as he saw what I was doing " Yes, absolutely" I faked a smile to him and we both entered. It was normal for us to get things done together in the house, he helped me put away the grocery and while I bath he placed the dishes on the table and baths I prepared for dinner which he helped too but today I am going to make something simple so I am sure I can get it done before he pops out the shower. As I was preparing for dinner I had all the ingredients and was paste for our curry. My phone buzzed in the middle of my preparation, it was usually Paul texting me from the bathroom so I checked it out.Unknown: Missed me? (Photo attachment)

I cannot believe after so much time this jerk has this audacity to come back into my life and haunt me, previously I forgot to mention Paul about this situation but today I am going to tell him everything, my last demon and I am sure Paul will do something about it now that he is in the security business. I thought to myself my gut feeling was not wrong, earlier today he might be the one following me but now I am not afraid of him I can just tell everything to Paul and he will help me with this situation; honestly I thought this was some prank from someone in college but now that is over and for a long time I did not get any messages from him but he came back "Let's see what have you send me now" I said while I was opening his text message as I roll my eyes. "What the freaking hell" I went to the counter and washed my eyes and took a look again, I wasn't sure what I saw was actually what I saw but it was true I stood there I wanted to cry my eyes out but nothing I was just standing there. "What is that smell" Paul came from behind after a few minutes by that time my paste was burning but that didn't bother me one bit, he turned the gas down and put away the paste, and washed the dish but as he was doing all these things I just stood there with my head down lost in space and looking at the ground, he put his arms around me and took me to the couch and sat me there "What happened? Is everything okay?" he asked me with concern on his face but I do not believe any of the emotions he is showing me now; He went in the kitchen and got me a glass of water but I tilted my head as I did not want to see his face but he was persistence. He placed the glass of water near my face and that's when I broke down I threw away the glass and pushed him back hard "What is happening?" he said keeping his voice still low but I don't care how considerate he is being right now. I took my phone my showed it to him that is when I saw his lips part ways but not a single word left his mouth "You cheated on me" I said loudly as tears rolled down my eyes "No" he yelled "Then what the hell is this?" I was still holding onto my phone right in his face "Let me explain" he said calmly but I was not in any mood to be calm right now. I walked towards the door and said "Get out" and pointed towards the door "Please just hear me out baby" What sort of audacity does he have that after cheating on me he is telling me to calm down "I don't want to hear a word from you and neither do I want to see your face" I screamed at him and opened the door, he walked out with no defense which made it worse for me. I slammed the door behind him and slowly I could not feel my feet and sat down next to the door and started crying and when I saw my phone again the picture of him kissing his ex was still there I started sobbing, gasping for air.

I went to my bedroom crying I threw away my phone on the bed I was not in my right mind, and that place where I am in right now had so many memories consisting of him, I took a photo frame of us and started talking to it "How could you do this to me, Paul? You cheated on me and to think I was already planning our future together in my head, I gave you everything I had, I love you so so so damn much and you did this horrible thing to me. You were the one who helped me for who I am right now and where I stand but I would have never imagined you would do this to me. We moved in together I met your family and even you met my mother how can I go back from this terrible thing? We were so happy and in love but was that just an act for you, was I just another conquest for you? All the beautiful things you said to me" I wiped my tears off which didn't help as they were flowing down endlessly and continued "To find the appropriate words to convey how I'm feeling, but I've realized that no combination of words can truly capture the intensity of this agony. I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to adequately express how devastated I am. It's the only way I can begin to digest everything and find some sense of closure. I'm sitting here, surrounded by memories of us, and everything seems strange. It's like being in a nightmare from which I can't awaken. The images of us laughing, discussing our futures, and sharing our hopes have been poisoned. They've been replaced by a crushing sensation of betrayal that I can't seem to shake. I keep repeating situations in my memory, looking for indications I missed and trying to figure out how we got here. However, there are no solutions that will alleviate the pain. It seems like my entire life has turned upside down. I can't begin to describe the flood of feelings that washed over me—anger, uncertainty, despair, and disbelief. I believed I knew you and understood our relationship, but this betrayal has broken that illusion. It's as if all we've shared and created has been erased. My confidence in you was so deep and unconditional, and now it feels like it has been taken away from me in the cruelest way possible. I recall the times we spent discussing our future, making plans, and dreaming together. I believed in those moments. I believed in us. I believed we were creating something substantial, something that would last. I was so eager to invest my heart and soul in our future together. But now, those dreams seem like a cruel joke. I feel foolish for putting so much faith in something that was never as solid as I thought it was. I wish I could simply turn off my emotions, halt the suffering, and get on with my life. But it isn't that simple. My heart aches in a way that is nearly physical. It is a continual, gnawing anguish that does not seem to go away, no matter how much time passes. I'm trying to be strong and go forward, but there are days when the weight of it all feels too much. I find myself pining for the way things used to be, hoping I could go back and undo all that has happened. I've always felt that trust is the foundation of all relationships. I thought we had it. I thought our friendship was genuine, something that would survive the test of time. I never expected the person I trusted the most to turn around and break that trust in the most devastating way possible. Discovering that you were unfaithful has left me feeling completely devastated and betrayed. The most difficult thing is reconciling my vision of you with the reality of your actions. I believed I knew you, that I understood your heart and principles. But now I'm doubting everything. Did you ever truly care for me in the same manner that I cared for you? Were all those pledges and protestations of love really hollow words? It's difficult to trust my own judgment right now, to believe in the genuineness of my sentiments and experiences with you. What hurts, even more, is the realization that this betrayal was not a random error or slip in judgment. You made a conscious decision, knowing full well how deeply it would cut me. I can't understand how someone could be so heartless and insensitive to the hurt they were causing. It feels as if a piece of me has been ripped away, leaving a gaping emptiness where trust and affection once existed." 

I did not eat or drink anything I went talking to myself asleep I did not know what or how devastating it feels when you are heartbroken but thanks to the recent event I got to know that too, How am I going to get over this?