The Unloved Wife

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 35

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It's dark everywhere I see unlike the world I was living in before. The later one was also not perfect but it had some rays of shine that were beautiful and chanting.

My wife. My beautiful wife. She was the ray of sunshine in my dark life.

It's been so many days since I have heard from her and it's killing me inside. Slowly and steadily, I am dying every other moment, falling into the darkness where there are no rays of shine.

The strange feeling of loneliness that stayed with me for years was intensified. I was broken and abandoned. It was killing me inside. It was slowly taking me away from the world that has nothing for me anymore.

Ahista ahista har dhalti sham ke sath main andar se mar raha hoon.

Neither I was able to work properly nor I was able to do anything else. My life has been a mess in the past few weeks. It's just me and the loneliness together in this empty apartment.

The warmth of my woman wasn't there anymore. Her belongings were the only sign of her in this place that was once lively with her. This place isn't home anymore to me because she isn't here. It's just a place where I am trying to survive.

I can't remember how many times I have desperately touched her things just to feel her presence, just to get a soft touch of her out of anything.

I keep looking at her pictures in my phone. The most recent ones were sent by my friend when I had gone to Dubai and Mehr visited his house to meet his wife. I smiled at the photos. They were candid pictures of her. She had her sweetest smile on her face. Dressed in red suit, she was looking breathtaking. I don't remember how many times I have seen her pictures.

I madly sprays her perfume in the bedroom but it doesn't smell like her anymore. It was always different on her body.

Everything is different without her.

Us ke jane se meri duniya hi weraan ho gai hy.

I toss in bed all night, my eyes fixed at her soft pillow which still has her fragrance. My eyes become watery the second I see her empty place. For two years, she laid beside me. Just here at the same place, I had made love to her countless times and I had embraced her in my arms every night.

I wanted to feel her warmth again. Her soft skin had the magic to calm my senses.

She was my safe space who was always different from other people. She was pure and delicate. I miss her. I miss her so damn much.

Every other night, I cuddle her pillow and cry miserably thinking about her and my life which is empty without her.

I will die without her being at my side.

I haven't seen her for so many days now. It never happened in two years that I stayed away from her for so long nor did we have any kind of contact. It's so new and devastating.

Did Mehr feel the same pain when I used to ignore her presence in my life and took her for granted?

Did her heart constrict the same as mine?

Did she feel the same waves of pain in her head?

Did she go through the same hurtful phase for two damn years...

What I am feeling today is just the pay back of what I did to her. It's so shameful that I caused her so much pain and never realized that I was hurting my beautiful wife.

Oh God.

Why am I like that.

What kind of a pathetic man I am who hurt his most beloved person.