Stairways | A Surviving Summer FanFiction

Part 101 - Guilt (Part 2)

One minute he's saying those words, saying that he loves you, and the next his hands are cupping your face, his lips pressed against your own.

You know what you're doing, you know you're cheating. Both you and Ari, just a couple of cheats in a tent barely big enough for the both of you. But you just can't bring yourself to pull away. You beg your lips to separate, your mind tells your muscle to shuffle backwards, away from the boy you're now inextricably intertwined with. But the heart wants what it wants.

Bax suddenly pops into your mind. He doesn't deserve this. It's unfair. He's done nothing wrong. You pull away suddenly, your gaze dropping to the bottom of the tent.

"What's wrong?" Ari asks, and you shake your head.

"We can't do this. I'm with Bax, and you're with..." you don't finish the sentence. "Even Wren doesn't deserve this." you say quietly, and Ari looks...disappointed. And slightly guilty.

"Okay, then, I'll break up with her."

You purse your lips, avoiding his gaze. "I don't think she deserves that either."

"Are you serious?" he asks incredulously. "You and Summer spend all this time going on and on about how awful she apparently is, and now you care about her feelings? Now you want to make me feel like a terrible person?"

"Ari, this is different. Wren does care about you," your gaze drops to the ground. "I don't think even she deserves this."

"I want to be with you," he says softly. "I don't even know why we split up in the first place."

"Because things were complicated," you reply. "And Summer liked you-"

"I don't care!"

"Well I did!" you reply, then remember to lower your voice as a light flicks through the thin tent material, someone walking outside. "Summer's my friend," you whisper. "It was weird."

He pauses, and you raise an eyebrow at him, questioning as he reaches into the back pocket of his shorts and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper. Your stomach twists in a knot as he unfolds it, smoothing out the corners on his leg.

"Is that-"

"I found it on the beach. It must have fallen out of your pocket," Ari says, and your toes curl beneath you as horror floods through you at the thought of him reading those words. Those words about him. "I wouldn't have read it, but I saw my name, and-"

"That was private!"

"I know, I know. But the only reason I didn't try and win you back this past year was because I thought you didn't have feelings for me anymore. And that was only confirmed when I saw you kissing Bax-"

"So what? It doesn't give either of us the right to cheat!"

"Y/n...I've made a massive mistake this past year. Loads of mistakes, actually," he admits. "Let me fix them."

You're about to respond, when you hear the tent unzip and Summer pokes her face in. "Okay, time's up, people are going to get suspicious." She shoves past Ari, so there's three in the tent and Ari is forced to climb out of the entrance, under the moonlit night sky. The rest of the campsite seems quiet now, no one else awake except for you three.

Ari seems at a bit of a loss for words as he looks between you both, like he wants you to say something. But you don't know what, and Summer has to nearly push him backwards for him to finally utter the word 'bye' before wandering aimlessly in the vague direction of his tent.

"So? What did he say?" Summer asks eagerly, shuffling forward. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened," you lie, turning down the tent light and shuffling down into your sleeping bag.

"C'mon, Ari looked so shaken just then, what did you say to him?"

"Nothing, Summer," you reply. "Please, just leave it."

"Okay," Summer says, quieter this time, like she realises that talking about Ari is the last thing you want to do right now.

______________

You wake to Summer shaking you, saying something about you being late for training. Light is blaring through the tent fabric, and you're surprised you haven't been woken yet, especially with the chatter and footsteps outside.

"C'mon, or we're going to be late," Summer says and you push yourself onto your elbows and groan at the tiredness plaguing your body. You'd lay awake for a while last night, unable to stop the humiliation coursing through your body as you imagined Ari reading those words you'd meant to be burnt. "Elo's already at the beach, she said she wants us there in ten minutes."

You groan again as you step out the tent, grabbing your washbag, wetsuit and bikini from the back of a camping chair where they'd been drying in the night, and heading towards the shower block.

You stop in your tracks when you notice Baxter at one of the outside sinks, a toothbrush in hand. Guilt glues your feet to the ground, and he only notices you when your wetsuit falls off the back of your arm that it was flung over, landing in a heap on the ground at your feet.

"Hey," you say, trying to act as natural as possible, forcing yourself to bend down and pick up the wetsuit, forcing your feet to pick themselves up and stand normally in front of a sink to brush your teeth.

"Morning," Bax responds, and you keep your eyes on the mirror in front of you as he shuffles over, a wry grin on his face as he slowly threads his arm around your neck, "I was hoping you'd come find me last night. I was on the beach for a while."

"Why weren't you at peer review?" You ask, his hands still trailing over your skin as he edges closer.

"Had an argument with Elo," he said casually.

"What about?"

"You know what siblings are like," he shrugs softly. You can't stand the guilt as he tilts your chin up, reaching his lips down to yours.

You drop the toothbrush, using the distraction as it clatters in the sink.

"Are you coming to training?" you say, as cheerfully as you can. "Elo said she wants us down at the beach like, now. Or are you still mad at her?"

"I'm not mad, and I do need to train," he shrugs. "Things are just going to be weird between now and Nationals."

"How bad was your argument?"

He ignores you, picking your toothbrush out of the sink and placing it in your washbag. "You taking your new board to training?"

"Yeah, I used it yesterday," you reply, a new type of guilt flooding through you as you think of that gorgeous board sitting on the rack outside your tent. "I've really got to go to training," you say, desperate to get out of being alone with him right now. You throw your wetsuit over your shoulder, and hurry into the shower block, not looking back or waiting in case he tries to kiss you again, your mind racing with guilt and regret, thinking only one thing.

Bax doesn't deserve this.